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TTC After a Loss
feel like i'm gonna lose it
I hate to be a whiner but this is the worst Mother's day EVER! I haven't been a fan in a long time as my mother passed when i was little so it's been a little depressing for 18 years. I had my second miscarriage/d&c in February and i would be 25 weeks now with a nice round belly. Also my sister-in-law (who i have a horrible history with) announced last week that she is pregnant... 9 weeks. This is her second child... not married and not the same father. She only works part-time, is on state aid, has never been married, this is her third engagment, and is her third pregnancy (says the first was a miscarriage but i'm not convinced). My husband (her brother) and i are both employed full time (i'm a delivery nurse ... how ironic) and have played by the rules. I'm sorry if i'm a little bitter, but not only should i be pregnant, i should have a 20 month old. I'm sick of saying it's not fair, but when is it my turn??? I'm normally a strong person but it's getting difficult. i watch women/girls come in and out of my hospital who have no resources to take care of a baby and there's nothing i can do about it. I give them the best life i can for 2-3 days pray for their lives. i helped deliver a baby in the wee hours of mother's day and it was ok becuz it was work ... until i got home. then i lost it.
it's ok if no one reads this, or if you tell me to get over myself. i just needed to get this selfish b.s. out of my head so that i can sleep.
TTC since 9/2009: m/c @ 7 wks 11/2009 - EDD 6/24/10; no fhr @ 13wks - d&c 2/14/2012 - EDD 8/17/12
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Re: feel like i'm gonna lose it
{{HUGS}} I'm sorry you are going through this. I dont know if I could do your job after having a M/C. I think it might be too much for me. You are strong and will get through this. Just keep hanging in there
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm a labor nurse too--it's the best job in the world until you've had your own loss. You just can't deal with everything when you're still so sad for yourself.
I became a perinatal bereavement counselor. It is so difficult to have to see all of those grieving families, but also therapeutic to be able to cry with them and help them see that their days will slowly get better.
Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.
June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!
***PGAL/PAL WELCOME***
"there is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
BFP #2 2.27.13 EDD 11.8.13 Grow, baby, grow!
My Ovulation Chart
~ all ALers welcome ~
((HUGS)) Life is so unfair. I can't imagine being a L&D nurse- you are a strong woman! I am in the same boat with MH's family members and pregnancies. It sucks, but I try to tell myself that even though she has outside babies to love, I still wouldn't want her life.
s.alarie
*****s.alarie - I feel lucky that I'm only a nursery nurse and don't do labor yet. I think if i was with these moms anymore than i am i would lose it, but I'm perfectly ok being with the babies. I love my job!!! I've never told a patient because I can't bring myself to rain on their parade or if my patient is going through a loss, I don't want to seem like I'm using her loss for my therapy. I want to just be there for her. Is that wrong? or would it be better for her to know that I share her pain?