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Attachment Parenting
What stuff did you REALLY need?
Okay, I realize this is better suited to the nurseries and baby gear forum, but after lurking on this forum for a few weeks (Hi all!) I thought this may be a good place to find my answers. It seems that some of you may be more minimalist and that's what I'm looking for. The decorated nurseries sure are cute, but I'm more on the "free from Craigslist" boat.
DH and I are just now TTC, but want to be fully prepared. I'll be a SAHM and money will be super tight, even while I'm still working and preparing the nursery. We were talking about needs vs wants and are really unsure what we can actually live without. If you had the absolute minimum, like, your baby really couldn't survive without it, what would it be? I did find these great lists, but I still never know if some of these are wants.
https://www.rookiemoms.com/shopping-registry/
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a10748605/baby_checklist-_new_baby_shopping_list
Right now we're thinking: crib/sheets, carseat, carrier, cloth diapers. We also don't have a huge support network and expect very little in the way of a shower, but I thought I'd put the smaller items like clothes, toys, blankets, and health stuff on a registry. All our purchases including most maternity and baby clothes would be craigslist/used except the crib and car seat. Also on my needs list are things like a glider and boppy, but DH thinks these are wants. What other major items am I missing?
Thank you all, and hopefully you'll be seeing more of me, I love this board! You all are great 
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Re: What stuff did you REALLY need?
Currently I could not live without:
my brest friend nursing pillow (prefer over my Boppy)
Aden and Anais swaddle blankets
Good baby carrier (Becco Butterfly and ring sling)
Medela pump in style breast pump (my baby still has no figured out how to nurse)
bottle and nipples (we bottle field for most of the feeding)
rock n play (my baby sleeps really well in this)
cloth diapers
prefolds for burp cloths (I worked for people who used prefolds that were not in the baby's current size but I wanted face specific ones)
car seat and snap and go (I could probably do without the snap and go but i hate carrying the car seat so I use it a lot) I have a Maclaren for when the baby sits unassisted
Really enjoy having
rocking chair/glider For DD1 I had a really old rocking chair that I got for free. It worked fine and would be a good option since gliders are expensive.
swing-Sometimes it's the only way I have been able to get either of the girls to sleep when they were tiny.
I'd skip the crib and get a pack and play personally if you don't feel comfortable co-sleeping, that way you can take it along if you happen to travel. It also works well as a safe place to set down baby if you need to shower instead of getting an additional swing or bouncy seat.
I have a boppy and frankly it's currently in the garage sale pile. Regular old bed or throw pillows worked just as well, sometimes better. I used it more for sitting on after my episiotomy with #1 than for anything else.
I'm a bit of a minimalist but to me all you really need is:
Carseat, cloth diapers, baby clothes, a wrap or structured carrier, and a few blankets.
Home Birthing-Breastfeeding-Cloth Diapering-Baby Wearing-CoSleeping-Delayed/Selective Vaccination Mama to Charlie (5yrs) and Madeline (21mos)
If your area hosts big consignment sales, I think those are totally worth it - I found a Boppy for $10, a Breast Friend for $15, and for clothes, bags, basically anything other than the car seat & stuff that touches milk - go ahead and get it second hand. If you really want to save on cribs & if you think you'll be going the attachment route, then skip the crib all together. Just get a co-sleeper bassinet 2nd hand and then when baby's too big for that, you can let baby sleep in a 2nd hand pack & play (in the main section, not the mini bassinet attachment). My friends with a 1 bdrm apartment did that & it worked out great for them since they're tight on cash & space.
My minimalist list:
clothes for baby, carseat, nursing bra/tank for me, BreastFriend pillow so that I can breastfeed & do my hair/make up at the same time at the vanity, nursing cover, a walker/activity center to keep baby entertained for 15 minutes so i can fix myself lunch, noise machine, cosleeper bassinet
Of those, I think the only thing you'd need new is a carseat & the bras. I had a lot of success getting the other items at consignment sales.
I also have a bunch of pumping equipment because I work, but that won't apply for you as a SAHM. You might want to get a $30 hand pump & a couple bottles in case you need to get out for 2+ hours at a time, but it's not totally essential. When your milk first comes in, you'll probably be leaking a lot. I used a Milkies Milk Saver in those first few weeks to build up a freezer stash and that lasted quite some time before I bought a proper pump. Also, make your nurse at the hospital your BFF - she can get you extra swag and remember, you can always accept the formula give aways, keep the cool gear, and throw away the tub of free formula --> free diaper station organizer & cooler bag with ice packs!
Thank you all for the comments so far! I've made a spreadsheet with categories of needs and wants as well as cost estimates. I'm starting to feel like we can do this! The initial purchases really aren't out of our reach, especially with 9 months to spread it out and search for deals.
Two questions, and I hate to bother you all when I really haven't done too much reading on the subject yet. I'm unsure how much of the attachment parenting I'll do, but most of what I've read seems to be my style anyway. As for the cosleeping, I don't think we'd like to do that. I would like to put the baby in our room for a few weeks/months (I have no idea!), and then move the crib/bed to the baby room when we're ready. What type of crib or pack n play would serve this purpose? I'd really only want to buy one thing, but woudn't a baby grow out of the PNP too quickly?
Second question - I really have it in my head that I can't survive without a glider, and strangly this small purchase (I found one for $15) has become a sticking point between us. If you didn't have one, how did you put the baby to sleep? Did you walk around? Was a stationary chair sufficient?
Thanks for the suggestions, I love this minimalist list!! I'll share mine shortly.
My friends used a standard pack & play, but moved the mattress part all the way down as the baby got older, it looked kinda like this: https://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=Pack+%26+Play&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=8187972545738138568&sa=X&ei=eFyxT4PDIqKT6gGvtPSHCQ&ved=0CPMBEPMCMAE
We use the co-sleeper mini & I think it'll last us until 6-7 months.
I have a glider, got it 2nd/3rd hand for $20 off CL, and it's really helpful. I wouldn't say it's a must have, because we traveled without it and did fine, but when I was home all alone with a newborn who wanted to be jiggled/rocked for hours, it allowed me to put my feet up and sometimes, that simple act is so relieving. For $20, I think I've gotten more than my money's worth out of it.
IMO the glider is not necessary. A friend got us one and its nice but I honestly dont even use it that often. Most of the time I nurse her laying down on the bed or sitting on the bed or the couch with my boppy.
As for the pack n play we got a used one and my MIL and I made sheets for it but we use it for the living room. We originally were not going to bedshare and had a cradle by our bed where she would start out every night but she would eventually end up in our bed. Our current solution is sidecarring - we took the front off her crib and put it right by our bed so she has her own space but is still close. I love it and sidecarring can be done from day one. One nice thing about it is you might be able to get one of those drop side cribs that are no longer considered safe for a low price used since you don't even use the front of the crib when sidecarring. Just an idea.
https://www.theminimalistmom.com/2011/02/25/minimalist-guide-to-baby/
great list
Little Rose is 2 1/2.
We bought a lot of things second hand, and only really bought a mattress for the cot and a carseat new.
I never bothered with a bouncy seat/bumbo/swing etc etc. When I needed to put LO down I popped her on the floor on a play mat or towel.
I didn't use a special nursing pillow, just cushions off the couch. With DD2 the LC at the birth centre encouraged me not to use any pillows at all right from the beginning, and she was right, it was easy.
My must haves:
Clothing, nappies, carseat, somewhere to sleep/bedding (if you're using a crib rather than bedsharing), swaddling wraps (I used a basic blanket which I also use as a play mat/burp cloth etc etc), pacifiers, ring sling for quick errands, pram., high chair as LO gets as older, burp cloths
Nice to have:
Monitor, muslin cloths for cleaning, PNP (we've used ours a fair bit but could have managed easily without, change mat (I use mine endlessly but a towel would work)
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
If I went back and did it again, I would probably only buy things as we needed them. We actually used the pack n play in our room for the first six months. He took all his naps there and started the night there, then we bedshared once we went to bed. We didn't start out with this plan, but that's what happened. Our kid only slept part-time in the crib between the ages of 8months and 13 months (when we moved him to a twin size mattress.) Really, our crib was pretty useless.
I did use the pack n play, the moby wrap (only mine was homemade for a fraction of the cost), the swing, the baby food making machine, my breastpump. We've used the heck out of the changing table, but since we bought it (on craigslist), we made it a priority to actually use it.
I did not use the bouncy chair, the crib, the boppy pillow (we use a regular bed pillow), all the baby towels (regular ones work fine), the baby bath tub (we used the big sponge in the sink)
For a high chair we bought the space saver one that also turns into a booster seat and is very portable to grandma's, etc. I really like it.
We did use our glider a lot, but my child loves to be rocked to sleep. I also found one cheap on craigslist! We didn't use that until he was older though and we night weaned. When he was small he would just fall asleep at the breast.
my list of must haves-
a GOOD stroller, something that lays flat for a NB
convertable car seat, we have the MixiCosi Pria 70 that goes from 5lbs to 70lbs
a cosleeper or crib depending on how you want baby to sleep
an Ergo or Boba
Bobby or BF pillow
cloth diapers, CD safe soap, diaper pail and wet bag
diaper bag
a swing or bouncy seat < I wouldn't buy this until baby is here and you can take it back if baby doesn't like it, or both of these are good to buy at a resale
a tub or sink insert
After that it just kind of depends on how you parent and what baby likes.
I would NOT buy a travel system the strollers stink and infant carseats are short lived.
Oh, what a GREAT thread, you all are amazing!! And thank you for the minimalist link too! Based on all the comments here I've shuffled my needs and wants into the following list, I think we're pretty close!
I am SO in your boat. Little money, very little desire for "things" and a love for craigslist free... our 6 month old shares our room. I did not end up using a breast feeding pillow at ALL past the first two weeks. For me it was not a necessity. We also never swaddled our baby, who didn't particularly like to be.
The number one thing for us is the ergo. He naps in it, sleeps in it and goes all over town in it. We have a stroller but almost never use it --- because it is EASIER to use the ergo. It distributes weight so it's not at all uncomfortable, and strollers are just burdensome for me. We tried the maya wrap, baby bjorn and ring sling, but this was the carrier for us by a long shot.
Otherwise, I think a baby chair of some type is useful. A crib is good for setting baby down - we have one but baby sleeps with us at night.
I suggest not asking for clothes because everyone will get you that. We asked for used and collaboratively bought gifts for the baby shower and several people pooled together for a very nice used crib, so perhaps this is something you could do too? I found some people felt freed by knowing we wanted used things, and I ended up getting a boppy, baby chair and baby jumper from an aunt who happened upon a yard sale.
I don't think you need to get anything new. You can easily see if a car seat has been recalled if safety is your concern. From ergo to diapers, car seat to breast pump, the only new items we bought were pacifiers and bottles.
Good luck!