DH afraid to be alone with LO - VENT

Re: DH afraid to be alone with LO - VENT

• pinkshades05 member

  May 2012

  PALGal:

  He doesn't spend much time with LO either and it makes me sad. He always says that I know LO best or I have the special bond LO needs. Well, he would too if he spent some time with him!

  I'm in agreement with this statement. My husband was pulling this same stunt out of his hat whenever DD fussed with him. But the more time he started spending with her, the more she tolerated him and even started playing with him. I think a good response is, "Sounds like you need more practice! How about spending a couple hours every evening with LO so that you get comfortable!" I know some dads aren't into the newborn/little baby stage, BUT that doesn't give them an excuse to avoid their babies either. And your mom is being more than generous watching the baby to avoid the daycare cost. Time for daddy to step up!

  
  
  

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• lindseypraino member

  May 2012

  Don't feel bad. A lot of men are that way. It is just how they are wired or something.  He is probably just avoiding because he is scared.  Mine is same way. I have been making him step it up by throwing some tantrums of my own.  Soothing isn't natural for anyone. It is a learned behavior which you have to make an effort to learn and try.  My hubby is getting better. I try to model for him.  He has to spend a week with LO when I go back to work.  My mom is taking a week and my mother in law is taking a week. I told him to step it up or he is going to have a long week in June.

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• kristin172429 member

  May 2012

  I have to say it.  This ticks me the heck off.  He is the FATHER of this child.  He needs to know how to feed, bathe, soothe, dress, and change him.  He should be able to put him in his car seat, put him down for a nap, and do any other gosh darn thing this child needs.  He wasn't just a sperm donor and he doesn't get to wait until it is "easier" to take care of him.  

  I would be putting my foot down so fast the floor would dent.  Please don't cave on this.  I'm not saying lecture him or yell at him.  Talk to him like an adult.  Explain that this is his child too and he needs to put in the time just like you did.  No excuses.  No passing the buck.  And I'm sorry, but "he'll be so over it"?  Are you kidding me?  Unless you want to be doing everything for your child for the next 18 years, please put a stop to this now.

  ***I just wanted to add that this topic gets me really riled up and I don't mean to sound so harsh, but every time I hear or see dads trying to get away with this nonsense, it just pushes my buttons!!***

  
  
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• Jen0204 member

  May 2012

  PALGal:

  He tells me, "I thought about watching LO all day tomorrow but I want your mom to come over. The worst that could happen is he screams in my face all day and I will be so over it."
  

  He would be so over it?! If H ever said that to me he'd learn very quickly how wrong of a thing that is to say. Babies are cute and cuddly and fun, but they're also gross and fussy and temperamental at times. If he didn't want to deal with a crying baby then he shouldn't have had a baby. I can't believe that he would essentially say "I considered watching my son but decided against it." If I were you I would tell my mom "Nope, we don't need you" and leave your H to handle it. Or maybe tell her that he'll be home with the baby but it's his first time alone so would you mind if you called her if things got awful (but I wouldn't tell H that she was "on call").  

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• PALGal member

  May 2012

  Thank you all. None of you offended me. It's been on my heart for a while now to have a real chat with him...

   

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• jmccall79 member

  May 2012

  I'm in the same boat...LO stays with my mom 2 days a week, and with one of my sisters 2 days, and with another sister 1 day.  I'm so lucky to have them!  But SO has yet to spend any time alone with LO.  To be honest, I don't know that I would trust him!  He can't take care of him while I'm there...what the heck is he going to do when I'm not there?  And he too uses the excuse that he can't calm him and sooth him like I do.  My mom made a comment to SO on Sunday, that he's not had a "rain day" at home with LO.  He just looked at me with the "deer caught in the headlights" look!  I've had the thought a few times that if he does have a rain day that he could stay home with him, but even on those rain days he still has to "go" to work before they are called off for the day.  And I'm with you on the fact that it makes me sad that he doesn't spend much time with LO!  He's started getting better about it but it's still sad that LO doesn't get excited when he hears his voice or sees him like he does with me.  I know it's different because I spent 12 weeks at home with him but still he could've been making an effort and I've tried telling him that.  Oh well, all I can say at this point is that it's his loss and he's the one who's missing out.  Yes, it breaks my heart, but I can't "make" him bond and have a relationship with his son!

  

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