How to explain Papa & Nana divorce to 3.5 yr old

BabyCakes3 · May 2012

My dad remarried 8 years ago. They are getting divorced & my dad will be renting a house near us soon. DD has already noticed that she hasn't been over to spend the night in a while. She has not seen nana since Christmas.

What do I tell her? Nana has been out of town almost every weekend so that's been the excuse every time my dad is over. But when he moves out on his own, DD is going to ask where nana is.

Also, DD has a dance recital next month & they plan on attending together as the news is not official public knowledge. Since my kids haven't seen her since Christmas anyways, I kind of want to ask her not to come. Advice there?

I've read not to tell young children that they stopped loving each other or that they couldn't get along b/c they will worry that will happen with mommy & daddy.

KathrynMD · May 2012

Do you want her to continue to have a relationship w/ your Dad's STBXW?

WestCoastMommy · May 2012

This just happened to DS at the same age. DH's parents live about 10 houses down and we have always spent a lot of time at their house. Well they separated in February and MIL moved out into an apartment. We didn't know what to tell the kids (5 year old cousin too) about whats going on. At first we would say Grandma is still at work and the boy's would run around IL's house calling for Gam. This was so sad to watch. As a few weeks went by we told DS that Gram got her own place and he would ask why? Does she not like Grandpa anymore? When is she coming home? We said no she just wants to live in a new place. We kind of let Grandma do the rest and they don't ask anymore but they do spend a lot of time with her at her apartment and I think she fields most the questions now.

It's been about 3+ months and the boys seem fine with it now but they prefer to be with Gram over Grandpa because they always had a tighter bond with her.

WestCoastMommy · May 2012

BabyCakes3:

My dad remarried 8 years ago. They are getting divorced & my dad will be renting a house near us soon. DD has already noticed that she hasn't been over to spend the night in a while. She has not seen nana since Christmas.

What do I tell her? Nana has been out of town almost every weekend so that's been the excuse every time my dad is over. But when he moves out on his own, DD is going to ask where nana is.

Also, DD has a dance recital next month & they plan on attending together as the news is not official public knowledge. Since my kids haven't seen her since Christmas anyways, I kind of want to ask her not to come. Advice there?

I've read not to tell young children that they stopped loving each other or that they couldn't get along b/c they will worry that will happen with mommy & daddy.

As far as this goes I would let those type of decisions be up to your Dad and MIL. Maybe they might work things out, maybe not but the least confusion to your kids the better. So for now I would let her resume normal Nana stuff until your Dad expresses other wise. This is of course assuming you still like her still.

BabyCakes3 · May 2012

KathrynMD:
Do you want her to continue to have a relationship w/ your Dad's STBXW?

No

KathrynMD · May 2012

BabyCakes3:

KathrynMD:
Do you want her to continue to have a relationship w/ your Dad's STBXW?

No

I would just say something like "oh Nana's really far away so we can't see her right now, but we can still write her letters, think about her, etc."

byrne15 · May 2012

I have been wondering about this too. FIL and gf (who has been around for 8 years) broke up about a month ago and he moved her out.

DS hasn't asked too much yet since it hasn't been too long, but I wonder if he will ask where she is. He just recently started asking us where Grandma ____ is (DH's mom who passed away over 9 years ago). We have been having a little trouble explaining death of a person who he never actually knew.