Do You Break Up with Friends? NBR

MarisaKathleen · May 2012

I've been trying to break up with a friend for over 2 years. It hasn't worked yet. I thought after she got married and moved an hour away we'd just sort of drift apart but now she stalks on FB. Since we have 37 mutual friends, she'd clearly know if I deleted her, and I just don't want to deal with the fall out from that.

I saw her at Christmas, but haven't even talked to her since. She's just a drama queen and frankly I'm just too old to want to deal with it. I didn't go to her baby shower (she's due next month) and I'm not inviting her to mine. I'm hoping that helps get my point across even further.

How long is this going to take to just be over?! Share some stories with me ladies--how long did you try to break up with a friend for? What was the last straw?

MichelenDave06 · May 2012

I broke up with my BFF of 20+ years about a year ago. She had so many problems mentally. She also hated kids, and chose to ignore DS's existence, so it was time. I stopped inviting her to things, stopped talking to her, stopped replying to emails and stuff. Eventually, she emailed me a long winded email asking where we were at, and I laid it out there. Told her I loved her, and wished her the best. It totally ended there. It has been so nice since

I choose to not defriend or block on FB, but will be the one getting defriended and blocked. So, I didn't take FB action, she did.

dorrisk1 · May 2012

This story is rather rediculous, get ready for a laugh! I had a good friend that I knew was getting married for all the wrong reasons. We were best friends for ~12 years. Well, the wedding was approaching - and she wanted all of her bridesmaids - me and two other girls to go to the movies to see "Bridesmaids". She is the type of person that will make plans with you and if she finds something better that she would rather do - then she will just ignore you when it comes time to do whatever was planned. So, she never called to confirm or anything. The next weekend approached, and she asked again if I wanted to go see the movie that weekend - and I told her no, that I thought we were supposed to go last weekend, and unfortunately I have plans and I will not be able to attend. A couple of days later - I get a FB message from one of the bridesmaids that said "can I buy your bridesmaid dress from you"? And I said "nope".

So, she "kicks me out" of the wedding, but she cannot tell me that herself? Someone that I have been best friends with for that long, and now she doesn't want to be friends over something that 3rd graders would fight about? We have around 200 mutual friends on FB, and come to find out she cheated on her husband less than 3 months after the wedding, and is already pregnant by someone else. She has sent me 2 text messages trying to make up, but I have just ignored them. There is no time for childish games and unnecessary drama, especially since I am happily married and have a child on the way.

If I were you, I would keep doing my own thing. If you run into her - great, but you shouldn't have to go out of your way to make sure she is part of your life if it's just not going to be worth it. No sense in trying to make something work when you know it's just not there.

Cheetara2 · May 2012

Sometimes you just outgrow your friends. You end up being at different stages in life and they just don't get certain things. It's hard to be married with a kid on the way and still be close friends with someone who is single and still wants to party. But when it gets to the point of acting childish and holding grudges then that's it, I'm done! My way of dealing with that was to be the one who stopped making the calls, and when we were in a mutual setting, I just didn't fake it. I said two words and then gave the cold shoulder. That pretty much did it. It may have not been the best way to deal with it though. Just let her know how you're feeling about certain things and that you think it's best that you guys just cut all ties.

RachelOC · May 2012

I'm in a similar situation as you and I'm looking forward to the advice you get here

My best friend and roommate in college *used* to be a normal girl but in the past couple of years she has gone really crazy and is at the point now where I wouldn't even trust her to be around LO when she is born. We hardly ever talk anymore but sometimes she will call or text me asking to get together, and I have no idea how to get the message across that I don't want to be friends anymore.

freeatlast2014 · May 2012

I've been thinking of breaking up with a particular group of friends. It's kind of weird. There are 3 of them - and they are now starting to enter into the next stage of life (1 just got married & is now pregnant, another just got married & is trying to get pg, the last is about to get engaged). However, I moved 45 minutes away and you'd think I left the planet. They travel that far or further to go to the mall but I can count on my hand how many times they've seen my son in over a year. They make plans and no longer include me so I guess the process is starting without my having to do anything. I think I am ready to walk away, I just don't know if I will regret this once they all have kids and are hanging out with the kids. This has been weighing on me for a little over a week now and I can't seem to make a decision.

brideandbreve · May 2012

MarisaKathleen:
Share some stories with me ladies--how long did you try to break up with a friend for? What was the last straw?

(Mine's all TL:DR.. sorry.)

I recently "broke up" with a friend that I hadn't seen in almost a year. She lives 2 hours away, and we kept in touch over FB. The last time we talked, 3 months before the "break up," she had blown off plans (for the 2nd time) for me to take pictures of her daughter's first birthday cake smash, for free, but she lied about why she couldn't make the session date/time and got caught because someone else tagged her in photos on FB contradicting her reasons for canceling.

This "friend" also had a history of gossiping about me, even after I begged her not to discuss me and my life. She discussed things about me with people I was not on speaking terms with (strangely enough, they weren't speaking to me because they were mad that I was friends with her - but they all settled their differences, became besties, and left me out of the loop), telling them that I was infertile after the D&C for my molar pregnancy, and that I was so desperate to have a baby that I had discussed asking her to be a surrogate so that DH and I could get pregnant - which never happened - sooo, this "break up" was a long time coming.

I knew that she was gossiping about me with these people, so I set bait. Knowing that I wasn't friends with any of them on FB, I waited until after DH and I announced our pregnancy on St. Patrick's Day, and then I sat back - and sure enough, I ran into someone who exclaimed, "I heard you were pregnant because [friend I broke up with] told my co-worker, [person I'm not speaking to], and everyone thought you couldn't have kids! Wow!" I also stumbled upon her pregnancy blog online where she talked about how she got her BFP (in a Target bathroom while we were out shopping, true story) and how I cried because I was devastated that it wasn't me.. except that that didn't happen, either. (What really happened was she had a meltdown because docs told her she couldn't get pregnant and she wasn't even serious with her daughter's father at the time and told me she was going to have to borrow money from her mom for an abortion. I took her outside to my car and calmed her down for 2 hours.)

When I had that final confirmation, I deleted her on FB, I blocked her emails, I deleted her number from my phone, her address from my GPS, and so forth. Done and done. I doused that structure in gasoline and I burnt that bridge.

Pokedot · May 2012

I had a falling out with a very close friend last fall. In our small town I'm surprised I haven't run into her. I haven't deleted her off of Facebook...but I'm tempted. She would stop talking to me or treating me like crap whenever something great in my life happened like meeting my husband, we didn't talk for about 8 months. I forgave and forgot but last fall when my husband got a great new job she turned the switch and wasn't supportive in anyway. She said all I talked of was money and this and that...not true. It was actually her. Her husband has a wonderful job and I've supported her when she found him. Matter of fact we did stuff with them all the time. I can only imagine how she dealt with it when she found out I was pregnant. They were having major problems conceiving and frankly I don't think she can actually have children now...

I just cut ties with her. Its not worth it and why waste energy on people who don't deserve it! Although hard, you've made your decision! Just do it!

sweetiebird726 · May 2012

I "broke up" with my roommate in college who I used to be really great friends with. She was a great friend through a bad time for me when I found out my ex had been cheating on me multiple times with multiple others - it's a shame she was completely BSC.

Her life was always full of drama, and I started getting tired of it our senior year - there was one incident somewhere in between our freshman and sophomore year where she was jealous of some girl her boyfriend was talking to. She then DRAGGED this girl by her HAIR up a set of stairs to try to prove something.

She had gone bonkers on our other friend/roommate junior year, and cut ties with her for no real reason. By senior year, she had exactly 2 friends outside of people she knew through her boyfriend - me, and one other girl she met through me.

She started getting jealous of me when I starting dating DH and he started doing all of these nice/romantic things for me like getting flowers, surprising me and taking me out for dinner. She was PISSED when he proposed - her boyfriend had been talking to me the year before about helping him pick out a ring (they were together for about 3 years at that time). I've now been married for almost 4 years (so this happened 5ish years ago) and they STILL aren't engaged 8 years later. They did buy a house together, but he still hasn't popped the question - I think that says something.

Before the official break-up, she was always stomping around the apartment looking miserable. She LOST it when she was convinced that I ate a can of soup that she bought, despite the fact that I dug the can I did eat (not hers) out of the trash to prove it. Then there was an issue with a dirty frying pan that I had nothing to do with, and with that I was done. I had better things to do with my time than argue over stupid offenses that she created in her head, so I told her that if this was the way she wanted to treat her friends over invented issues that don't mean anything, then I wasn't interested in being her friend anymore.

I cut ties and I haven't looked back since.

MarisaKathleen · May 2012

Wow ladies, some of your stories are just crazy!

I do have to admit that I'm glad that other people have wacky people in their lives. Thanks for sharing your stories!

CrazyLife3 · May 2012

Uhhg. Its hard. I had a college roommate that I was really tight with but our relationship had some weird parts about. I was like the underling that made her feel good about herself. But when good things happened to me she would get jealous and act all weird. I realized our relationship couldn't really survive unless she the was the superior one. It ended kind of mutually but I feel sometimes we never really officially severed ties so now we are facebook friends but not real friends. I guess its good enough. The funny thing you all know about facebook is though you only see the "perfect" side to everyone so all she posts is about her exotic trips or beautiful perfect children. Reason number 678 why I don't post a darn thing on that stupid site, its not real. It just doesn't work to be in each others lives for real so it is facebook only. I can't really even explain why.

Eastie156 · May 2012

I have or had 2 close H.S. friends and broke up with one about a year ago. It was 3 weeks before my wedding and "friend 1" tried to back out of my wedding. She said she didn't know if she'd be able to make it that day?! Something medical had come up (apparently she needed to have it taken care of on a Saturday?) I didn't buy any of her B.S. This was after not showing up to the Bridesmaid dress shopping trip and not answering my calls when I tried to call her to find out where she was. I also purchased the dress for her after that, because she said she'd "pay me back". That never happened. She also started alot of drama with our "friend 2" who was getting divorced at the time.

Turns out that "friend 1" had been considering backing out the whole time but never told me. ("Friend 2 told me"). So I kicked her out of the wedding and asked my brother's girlfriend to step in for her. I haven't heard from her since. I felt sad afterward but then realized she sucked as a friend and pretty much always had.

On to "Friend #2". Someone who in a year I've seen twice, once last June at her sister's wedding and once right before Christmas, when I dropped gifts off to her for her little girls, which she never thanked me for. I know "Friend 2" has gone through a rough 2 years (divorce, new boyfriend) etc, and maybe my life seems a little too perfect to her (wedding, baby). But I've been through a tough time myself this past fall with a miscarriage. She never picked up the phone to ask me how I was doing, I had to call her. Oh and I live an hour away from her and try to make plans, but she's never around. Two weeks ago we were finally suposed to get together, but she blew me off. When I mentioned my upcoming baby shower, her response was "I don't see why I can't go". HUH?! That's your response? I was there for every one of your childrens' births, birthdays, you name it!

Way too long story short-High School Friends especially can grow apart and they do.....

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