today was a complete failure

lily_721 · May 2012

While my friends were having brunch, gifts, and family; my H did nothing. I sent gifts and cards to all of the mothers in our family (my mom, MIL, stepMIL, GMIL, BM, BM's mom). My H did nothing for me.

Its been a tough year having two teenagers. I want my own baby and it has been a very difficult process.

He did nothing.

SueBear · May 2012

Wow, I'm very sorry you had such a disappointing Mother's Day!

Have you spoken to your H about how you feel? I would definately let him know that this is unacceptible, and that your feelings are hurt.

I also wonder why you went through the trouble for your H's mom, stepmom, and grandma. Is your H usually lazy about these things? My H does not care for his stepmom, but still takes charge of purchasing her Christmas gifts.

jnjmommy0609 · May 2012

Did you say anything to him? I understand it's a thing that he should just KNOW but majority of the time they don't

I don't mean to sound insensitive but communicating..even on something like this...goes a long way

xmaryrickx · May 2012

Tell him how you feel. Then ask yourself do you REALLY want to have a baby with someone who is so unthoughtful and inconsiderate?

fellesferie · May 2012

I'm sorry you had a crappy day.

MH is a pretty thoughtful and loving man. But romantic gestures and gifts are not his forte, really. Growing up, his parents didn't have the best marriage, and didn't do a lot of the flowers/gifts/cards. Adult birthdays were pretty much ignored except for a texted or emailed happy birthday.

So if I want him to do something, I have to tell him that it's important to me.

lily_721 · May 2012

He has apoligized several times. I'm so mad, hurt, and disappointed that I'm not ready to accept it.

I feel like a schmuck for attempting to make us a family. Last year, he gave me a beautiful bracelet. I felt almost like a real mom. I felt appreciated. This year, nothing.

lily_721 · May 2012

He knows cards are important to me. Last year, he brought the boys to the store and they all picked out their own cards. One from each of the boys, DH, and even the dogs. It was incredibly special to me.

And this year... such a disappointment. I feel like I don't matter.

MarSamWhitney · May 2012

Men are definitley funny about this kind of stuff. One year my H will go all out, the next year, nothing. Hopefully if you told him how you feel, he will realize it was inconsiderate. Sorry you had a crappy day.

Ilumine · May 2012

DH and I had a long talk about our expectations on gifts and gift giving evens before we were married.

The reason being, WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS and beliefs.

Yes, we should strive to get gifts for our loved ones who LIKE receiving gifts - becuase it shows our love, HOWEVER, it is JUST as dismissive forcing someone whose natural state is NOT gift giving to be something he/she is not.

MY DH is not a gift giver, he is an acts of service guy (yep, I read the Four Love Languages). So for him, his natural way of telling me he loves me on Mohters Dat is to take over the mothering activities, not get me a card or flowers.

And while I appreciate getting up at 7:30 am instead of 5:00 am, I would also be a it hurt NOT toget a mothers day card from my DD (not DH), who is too young to do it herself.

SO we talked about it BEFORE we married and have rediscussed it SINCE.

And let me tell you something, I have been a horrid wife (on this account) over the last few weeks. DH is stressed about our move. And instead of actively doing things around the house (mainly because I was following a different timeline, not because I don't care), I used other (wink) tactics.

I did exactly what your DH did to you.

Once DH and I talked, I made changes and he is happier and so am I.

Phantomgirl · May 2012

lily_721:

I sent gifts and cards to all of the mothers in our family (my mom, MIL, stepMIL, GMIL, BM, BM's mom). My H did nothing for me.

So you knew he would not buy his own mother a gift but you expected him to buy his wife one on mothers day.

Am I missing something here?

the boys are teenagers, I would be mad at them if anyone.

I get a DH buying a gift from a small child BUT you are not his mother.

Nineoceans · May 2012

Yeah I'm sorry. I'm pregnant and my interns at work got me my first mothers day card. Dh did nothing. I can't really be mad because I didn't make a big fuss out of the day or mention to him to do anything special but a CARD would have been nice for the sh!t I've done for SS. Lol. My h is usually a huge gift giver so I know finances, and some other bumps we are experiencing influenced his lack of actions but it still sucks. He could have had SS at least draw me something special. Oh well.

dmndsr4eva · May 2012

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think if you have a discussion with him letting him know you were disappointed hopefully he will do better in the future. I understand why you are upset.

However, sometimes you need to pick your battles and be thankful for what you DO have. You have a man who loves you and stands by you. A man who choose to share a life with you. I'm sure there are little or big things he does all the time to show you he cares?

Take it from me. Appreciate him now. Appreciate the little things. Because someday he might not be around. I was engaged to the love of my life and after three years and a baby he left me. If I could be with him again and have my family back I wouldn't worry so much about the little stuff.

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