ttc - DH vent (sorry long)

susieandmarty · May 2012

I am not sure if DH and I are on the same page. We said that we would wait until DD is a year - so I have been saying after her birthday party - it is on like donkey kong. I have literally said, after Morgan's birthday on June 3 I will be going off the pill. He has said - and i quote " Uh".

Well, I have said, if you do not disagree or say what you are feeling, I have to assume we are on the same page. I need to hear your words - he makes jokes about abstinence (and they are very much jokes) and sort of has gone along with this idea.

This Saturday he told me that he has said it a million times, that he thinks we should wait a bit. He has not. He said, we should enjoy our DD - I said, I enjoy her so much, I want another.

I said - this is all well and good - but will there ever be a time that you will be ready to try for number 2 - he said, and I quote - "Uh". I said, if we can talk constructively then great but I need to talk more specifically then generalities.

I know DH needs to be on board and I cannot force this issue, but I am feeling very very frustrated. It was the same when trying to conceive DD - and I know that I may be coming off as manipulative or forcing the issue but I am not. It is so hard to get my husband to talk about this stuff and really include him in these decisions. I hate that I have to say things like - this is what I am thinking - if it is not what you want then you must tell me, you must speak to me because I cannot read your mind.

Is anyone else in this weird place too?

JavaVino910 · May 2012

I'm sorry. That sounds really frustrating. It sounds like you really need to try to have an honest discussion together. Do you have communication issues normally? Or just about this issue?

susieandmarty · May 2012

We have wonderful communication - the problem is that DH is often resistant to change - so that is often our stumbling block - he accepts change, but is often hesitant to make a decision to change - it is just frustrating. he gets on board but sometimes he has to brought on board rather then being involved in the decision - if that makes sense. It is a little frustrating but I figure as long as I am more then honest about everything TTC based, he is on board

gmc222 · May 2012

I wrote a very similar post on July '11 last week. We've always talked about having 2 kids, but recently DH has been on this 'one and done' kick. I'm ready to start trying immediate following DD's first birthday for 2 reasons - 1. We're no spring chickens! I'm 33 and DH will be 38 next month. And 2. It took us a year to concieve DD including fertility treatments.

I'm as frustrated as you are because I definitely want another baby and don't want ot resent DH in the future. I hope both our DH's come on board soon!

susieandmarty · May 2012

thanks for sharing this -

I am also 33 and DH is 38 and I feel time is not on our side - not saying that I am running out of time, but on my personal time - I want to have this baby. Secondly, I have a BRCA II diagnosis and will have to have a hysterctomy and my ovaries removed plus likely a double mastectomy around 40ish - maybe a few years later. i want to have my children in case this time line is adjusted earlier or it takes a while for number 2 - DD 1 took 5 months but I may not be that lucky. I would also like to have my children be a little older when i have to get this done so I am not chasing after a newborn.

DH knows all the reasons and will likely come on board too when the first birthday passes. I think it is just hard to come to terms with change - but he loves DD more then anything - seriously, he cannot get enough and I know he will love our next LO as much

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ttc - DH vent (sorry long)

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