Is it bad to be disappointed in everyone in my life today?

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

I feel guilty for feeling this way, and maybe I'm being dramatic (please shake some sense into me if need be) but I'm feeling disappointed. Other than my DH, not one person acknowledged me and what I may be feeling or going through today. We saw both of our sets of parents today, and from what I remember everyone of my friends who knows about our loss knows how to use text messages, and not one single person even sent/said something as simple as, "I know today may be hard for you. Thinking of you." Nothing. I'm disappointed in everyone and wondering if I'm silly for feeling this way.

buckeyebaby814 · May 2012

Hey- I sent you a text today Wink

I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.

::HUGS::

panacea05 · May 2012

My sister did send me a text that said, "Happy Mother's Day. I love you."

Other than that, nobody acknowledged me today. I'm freaking seething over here. DH didn't so much as give me a card, and it's a good thing he had to leave for work a couple hours ago, because I don't think I could have masked my disappointment/anger for much longer.

I'm sorry your IRL peeps sucked, too. WTF is wrong with people??

GatorBaby2012 · May 2012

I am so sorry it's a rough day. I know how you feel. DH is aware that it's a rough day and has done a few sweet gestures, but hasn't really acknowledged what today is. No one in my family mentioned anything about it. Other than my online support and a bumpie that texted me, I got zero recognition. It hurts. Happy Mothers Day to you sweetie!

kpowers982 · May 2012

Not bad at all to feel that way. I didn't really expect anything, but it sure as heck would have been nice - my DH didn't even say anything. My acknowledgment came from a really unexpected place (my ILs, I made a post about it below), and none of the people I thought would remember me. I'm sorry you did not get the support you were hoping for.I know it's not the same as someone else doing something for you, but I hope you took some time and did something nice for yourself today.

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::

You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.

JennOH85 · May 2012

You're not being dramatic or silly at all, and I'm sorry that people are so clueless.

It's been the exact same way for me today, except DH hasn't even said a word about it. It's not like he's been ignoring me all day, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm miserable. I really thought he would say something and I kind of thought my mom would, too. Nope. Nada. It just blows to feel to completely and totally isolated.

((hugs hugs hugs)) I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening so you can subdue the urge to punch thoughtless people in the throat Stick out tongue

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

GatorBaby2012:
I am so sorry it's a rough day. I know how you feel. DH is aware that it's a rough day and has done a few sweet gestures, but hasn't really acknowledged what today is. No one in my family mentioned anything about it. Other than my online support and a bumpie that texted me, I got zero recognition. It hurts. Happy Mothers Day to you sweetie!

Same with my husband. I mean the only reason he even knew that today was going to be rough was because I prefaced it once last week and then a few weeks before that. Happy Mothers day to you too, love!!

buckeyebaby814 · May 2012

panacea05:
My sister did send me a text that said, "Happy Mother's Day. I love you."
Other than that, nobody acknowledged me today. I'm freaking seething over here. DH didn't so much as give me a card, and it's a good thing he had to leave for work a couple hours ago, because I don't think I could have masked my disappointment/anger for much longer.

I'm sorry your IRL peeps sucked, too. WTF is wrong with people??

I'm sorry hon Sad ::HUGS::

buckeyebaby814 · May 2012

paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.

Aww, that makes me glad sweets Smile

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!

mikeANDjen448 · May 2012

Michbot12:
You have every right to feel this way. No one acknowledged me either, including DH. I guess some people just don't know what to say so they decide to say nothing at all.

Absolutely. I think I can put everyone under this bucket....I'm sure some forgot and/or it didn't even cross their minds. But you know what I did?? I bought myself a mothers day card! Granted, it has a pic of a dog on it and I got it on behalf of my furbaby! lol DH thought I was crazy but I just told him that I'm a damn good mother and I deserve a card!!

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

JennOH85:
You're not being dramatic or silly at all, and I'm sorry that people are so clueless.
It's been the exact same way for me today, except DH hasn't even said a word about it. It's not like he's been ignoring me all day, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm miserable. I really thought he would say something and I kind of thought my mom would, too. Nope. Nada. It just blows to feel to completely and totally isolated.
((hugs hugs hugs)) I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening so you can subdue the urge to punch thoughtless people in the throat

I too, would have thought at least my MOM would have said something. C'mon, you know how badly this hurts and not even you, my own mother? ((hugs)) to you too, hon.

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

panacea05:
My sister did send me a text that said, "Happy Mother's Day. I love you."
Other than that, nobody acknowledged me today. I'm freaking seething over here. DH didn't so much as give me a card, and it's a good thing he had to leave for work a couple hours ago, because I don't think I could have masked my disappointment/anger for much longer.

I'm sorry your IRL peeps sucked, too. WTF is wrong with people??

How sweet of your sister. I have to admit, I too was expecting a card from Dan. But at least he said something. I'd be seething if I were you too. People are flucking asshats. (((HUGS)))

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

buckeyebaby814:
paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.
Aww, that makes me glad sweets

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!

hahahahahaha......just to clear it all up, NO. You were not in my bed. Just so everyone knows. Its my first good laugh all day.

Elle jM · May 2012

You have every right to feel this way.

~*preg mentioned below, not mine*~

No one acknowledged me today either, and it was really rough. My mother decided today was a good day to tell me that 2 of my losers cousin's wife/girlfriends are expecting. Well thanks mom, that news couldn't wait till tomorrow? Especially since last time you told me about a pregancy, I immediately starting crying?

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

mikeANDjen448:
Michbot12:
You have every right to feel this way. No one acknowledged me either, including DH. I guess some people just don't know what to say so they decide to say nothing at all.

Absolutely. I think I can put everyone under this bucket....I'm sure some forgot and/or it didn't even cross their minds. But you know what I did?? I bought myself a mothers day card! Granted, it has a pic of a dog on it and I got it on behalf of my furbaby! lol DH thought I was crazy but I just told him that I'm a damn good mother and I deserve a card!!

Good for you....if no one else can recognize it, at least you can be good to yourself!

buckeyebaby814 · May 2012

paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.
Aww, that makes me glad sweets

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!
hahahahahaha......just to clear it all up, NO. You were not in my bed. Just so everyone knows. Its my first good laugh all day.

Ha! I'm glad I made you laugh Smile

panacea05 · May 2012

buckeyebaby814:
paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.
Aww, that makes me glad sweets

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!

I have to admit that I chuckled at that comment, too. I was wondering if you two seriously prolonged the Ohio GTG.

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

Elle jM:
You have every right to feel this way.

~*preg mentioned below, not mine*~

No one acknowledged me today either, and it was really rough. My mother decided today was a good day to tell me that 2 of my losers cousin's wife/girlfriends are expecting. Well thanks mom, that news couldn't wait till tomorrow? Especially since last time you told me about a pregancy, I immediately starting crying?

So sorry, sweets. How insensitive of your mom. I'm feeling very disappointed in my mom too, today, but just for her lack of any action. (hugs)

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

panacea05:
buckeyebaby814:
paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.
Aww, that makes me glad sweets

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!

I have to admit that I chuckled at that comment, too. I was wondering if you two seriously prolonged the Ohio GTG.

HAHAHAHA.....ok, I'm super embarrassed now. Oh well, if I can't be a fool here, then where can I?

JennOH85 · May 2012

paisleybaby33:
JennOH85:
You're not being dramatic or silly at all, and I'm sorry that people are so clueless.
It's been the exact same way for me today, except DH hasn't even said a word about it. It's not like he's been ignoring me all day, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm miserable. I really thought he would say something and I kind of thought my mom would, too. Nope. Nada. It just blows to feel to completely and totally isolated.
((hugs hugs hugs)) I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening so you can subdue the urge to punch thoughtless people in the throat
I too, would have thought at least my MOM would have said something. C'mon, you know how badly this hurts and not even you, my own mother? ((hugs)) to you too, hon.

Right?! Thank you for validating my feelings of disappointment in everyone today, too! I don't mean this in a self-righteous way at all, but if nothing else, I think this TTCAL process has made me so much more sensitive to the pain other people around me might be experiencing, much more so than I was before.

paisleybaby33 · May 2012

JennOH85:
paisleybaby33:
JennOH85:
You're not being dramatic or silly at all, and I'm sorry that people are so clueless.
It's been the exact same way for me today, except DH hasn't even said a word about it. It's not like he's been ignoring me all day, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm miserable. I really thought he would say something and I kind of thought my mom would, too. Nope. Nada. It just blows to feel to completely and totally isolated.
((hugs hugs hugs)) I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening so you can subdue the urge to punch thoughtless people in the throat
I too, would have thought at least my MOM would have said something. C'mon, you know how badly this hurts and not even you, my own mother? ((hugs)) to you too, hon.
Right?! Thank you for validating my feelings of disappointment in everyone today, too! I don't mean this in a self-righteous way at all, but if nothing else, I think this TTCAL process has made me so much more sensitive to the pain other people around me might be experiencing, much more so than I was before.

Ditto this. And I'm glad you could feel validated. Sometimes, that's all we need.

buckeyebaby814 · May 2012

panacea05:
buckeyebaby814:
paisleybaby33:
buckeyebaby814:
Hey- I sent you a text today
I know you didn't mean me though. The only person (besides MH) who acknowledged me was a friend who has dealt with loss and IF for four years now, so she knows exactly how I feel. Other than that (and you) nobody said a thing to me either. Then again, I didn't go anywhere but the grocery store.
::HUGS::
You ARE so right. And, I didn't tell you this today, but you were the first interaction I had with anyone this morning and it made me feel so loved.
Aww, that makes me glad sweets

ETA: And LOL at rereading this... because it makes it sound like I was in your bed or something! Ha!

I have to admit that I chuckled at that comment, too. I was wondering if you two seriously prolonged the Ohio GTG.

LOL!

imwithrebel · May 2012

For those who are upset because DH didn't acknowledge it, it may simply be because they process the emotions differently than we do. For example, when I had this discussion with my DH, he said that he considers Mother's/Father's Day to be for those with grown children - as an accomplishment that you've raised your children, rather than just "Yay! You had unprotected sex!" Honestly, without this discussion, I don't think my DH would have thought to acknowledge it. They also may be afraid to make it harder or worse by saying something.

I was a little disappointed that my mom didn't acknowledge it. I sent her a text, but honestly didn't feel like talking on the phone today. I hope she understands.

On the other hand, I'm glad I didn't blow up at the CVS pharmacist after they screwed up my prescription and then wished me a "Happy Mother's Day!"

ChloBub · May 2012

(((((HUGS)))))) all around in this thread. I'm so sorry people didn't do or say the right thing - or ANYthing! FWIW, all of you have been on my heart and mind throughout the day. More (((((((HUGS))))))

edinger3 · May 2012

Don't feel guilty b/c you're not alone. No one in my family or circle of friends had made any kind of acknowledgement to me either. I hope tomorrow that you feel better.

ETA: I got a text from my dad that my mom was still waiting on a Mother's Day call from me before they head out to sea on their cruise! I called my mom & see sounded disappointed that it took me so long to call her. Not even one acknowledgement or question about how I was feeling on that day. I guess if you've never been through a m/c, it doesn't even cross your mind to make sure that the one with the loss is doing well, even several months after the loss.

shellyco · May 2012

You don't need to feel guilty about feeling dissapointed. MH told me happy mother's day from the dog, and my mom said "next mother's day we will both be mothers" but that's all. I was lucky to feel pretty good today though.

And also, as a general rule, people are self-centered and stupid. I'm sorry no one close to you acknowledged your struggle.

I'm sending everyone ((HUGS)).

HopingforChange · May 2012

I am sorry that no one acknowledged your pain and loss and the fact that you are a mother. To be direct: they suck.

I had some acknowledgment, for which I am grateful--I got a beautiful email from a friend who had struggled with IF for years before having her rainbow baby, and I want to share a slightly adapted version with you. I hope it helps you as it did me: "I hope you find peace over what you have already lost and I hope [you find] hope for the future...just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you today." This is one hundred percent my wish for all of TTCAL.

Also, people are generally selfish and inner-directed, and I am sorry that affected you today. Happy Mother's Day, hun, and I know your angel has you on their heart today, and always.

lavril · May 2012

Big ((((HUGS)))) and Happy Mothers Day to you!

No one IRL acknowledged me today either. It really sucks.

dtowngirl · May 2012

I got an unexpected mother's day wish that made me laugh and lightened up my day a little bit.

I was at my mom's house and when I was coming back home my neighbor across the street was working on his bike outside. He knows we don't have (living) children. He said happy mother's day as soon as I walked out of the car. I had a moment of confusion... I stood there wondering if my husband had told him about our loss.. I dind't take him for a sensitive guy though or someone my husband would share it with.

Then he said.. you're a mom to Nicko (my dog) and I just burst out in laughter and told him he was right... I was a mom . It made my otherwise miserable day a little better.

besoul · May 2012

Huge (((HUGS))) to all the mothers who have lost their babies. Mother's Day was a hard day to handle, I'm so sorry that we have to deal with such reminders of our losses. For what it's worth, no one acknowledged Mother's Day for me, either. I did not really expect anyone too. I assume that most people would not know whether I wanted to be acknowledged or not. It would have been nice to have an extra hug or two, though.

(((HUGS)))

mhubbar5 · May 2012

At least your DH said something. No one said a word to me all day. The nicest thing any one did was that Applebee's gave me a coupon for a free meal when I took my mom out to dinner. Talk about depressing.

panacea05 · May 2012

paisleybaby33:
I feel guilty for feeling this way, and maybe I'm being dramatic (please shake some sense into me if need be) but I'm feeling disappointed. Other than my DH, not one person acknowledged me and what I may be feeling or going through today. We saw both of our sets of parents today, and from what I remember everyone of my friends who knows about our loss knows how to use text messages, and not one single person even sent/said something as simple as, "I know today may be hard for you. Thinking of you." Nothing. I'm disappointed in everyone and wondering if I'm silly for feeling this way.

Is it bad that I woke up this morning, STILL pissed at my husband for not acknowledging me as a mommy yesterday?

panacea05 · May 2012

jenek0213:
Michbot12:
You have every right to feel this way. No one acknowledged me either, including DH. I guess some people just don't know what to say so they decide to say nothing at all.
Too true... I at least am getting a little Mother's Day celebration. DH got a card (I've seen the envelope) and is taking me out to dinner tonight. So lucky to have a great guy like that....
But I was disappointed in the rest of my family... no acknowledgment whatsoever. i have this intense feeling that my Dad would have remembered - he was like that... so it made me miss him more.
I will tell you that not recognizing me as a "mother" isn't the part that really hurts. It is not about me. What hurts is I feel like by not acknowledging me as a mom - its like my babies never existed. I feel like by not acknowledging a happy mother's day to me - its like saying "you never had any babies." Is that weird? I feel like I'm hurt by people's failure to say something because its like they are saying my babies weren't real...didn't count. That is the part of this mess that hurts.

That's what hurts me, too, Jenek. I feel like people don't think of my babies as actual babies, and it kills me.