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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Mrs.HAW
member
Anyone else read "Bringing up Bebe"
Mrs.HAW
member
...and now think their one-year-old should be able to sit through a meal while the adults enjoy themselves??
Haha, the joke is on me 
I just returned home from a fabulous Mother's Day Lunch at which I took approximately five bites of food, and stressed the entire time about my screaming one-year-old disturbing the entire place. I want to develop an action plan for future outings (we have many family events coming up). My SO thinks my expectations are just too high.
How does your one-year-old act at restaurants/public events? How do you cope? Best and worst case scenarios might be helpful.
I might mention that I am expecting our second child in less than three months, and this has me filled with anxiety that I'll never enjoy a meal out or family function again. Please be kind.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone else read "Bringing up Bebe"
DD has always been an angel at restaurants.
She is very into people watching so that keeps her pretty busy.
I also always have a coloring book and crayons on hand. If I remember, I place her Storytime Pad in my purse to change things up.
There was one time recently that she was a little fussy, but I went up for the salad bar and got her grapes, so she was good to go.
Thanks for the response! It's great that you have a well-behaved toddler.
I think our little guy enjoys people watching, too, and we had him facing away from all the action today. I will try letting him watch more and bringing crayons and paper (I kind of assumed it was early for those things) , but they would definitely keep his interest since he never sees them.
There are times when he behaves beautifully, and others when the constraint of a high chair just seems to be torture for him. I'm really just worried that I'm doing something to cause the problem, but it's most likely that he's tired or over-stimulated somehow and needs a little freedom.
For us it's sometimes just the luck of the draw regarding whether the boys will do good at a restaurant or not. Most of the time it goes well, and sometimes it sucks
I always bring snacks for them so they don't meltdown while waiting for food, and I carry some small books/toys in the diaper bag that they only see while out so that they stay interested in them. And if it comes down to it and there's nothing else I can do to avoid a freak out, we will give one of them one of our phones to play games on (these boys are their fathers sons - they've know how to unlock iPhones since under a year old!). The phones are a sure fire way to get 20 minutes of quiet in, but I obviously like to avoid that and don't use them regularly.
Our kids are 13 months apart, so I understand that anxiety! Just keep trying. We try to mostly stick with family friendly restaurants that we can get in and out of relatively quickly, and we go out on a fairly regular basis (probably 2xs per week) so that they know how to handle themselves as they get older. GL!
This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies. And for all the butterflies that never felt the wind in their wings. And for all the hearts that had hopes and dreams of a wondrous flight together.
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My (almost) fourTeen month old is starting to really be a problem at restaurants. He was pretty good up until recently, and I assume one day he will be easier. Right now, it's not like there are a lot of quiet busy activities he can do.
One tip is that we do not put him in the high chair until the food arrives. He has a max time he will tolerate the high chair, so we hold him until then. We let him stand on the booth, walk around if possible, play with toys or books . . . .then we put him in his seat and the food distracts him for awhile. I bring a fruit packet too, so that he once he is bored with the restaurant food he can have that. I just tell myself that it will get better. I refuse to do any technology, no matter how desperate I get, such as playing on my phone or watching a show on my iPad. No, that is not for me.
As for the book . . . Is anyone else sick of the French acting so freaking superior?! I mean, I like your cheese and your cool accents, but I don't know why I would want to parent like you. I do concede though that it is interesting to learn about other parenting cultures and I think I will check it out of the library.
Last night our LO sat through a 2 hour dinner--that ended way past her bedtime. (We left to go home at 7:30--her bedtime is at 6pm!)
She is usually remarkably good in restaurants---she loves watching people and she LOVES food. We usually take her out of the highchair during the courses and go for walks with her.
Actually, she LOVED the food at the restaurant--she stole (errr...sampled) everyones mac & cheese made with gruyere cheese--and she absolutely loved my beef bourguignon. We have a bag of toys that are restaurant only.
I did read it. I like some of the ideas, but I think her portrayal of the "American mom" was over generalized and too stereotypical. I also think the French way can be a bit too hands-off, especially as kids get older. That being said, I found that I really identified with a lot of the book. It is sort of the parenting style that DH and I have already and it seems to be working pretty well.
Case in point - I brought DD to church this morning (DH isn't religious and stayed home with DS). They have a "kids room" which is sectioned off behind a window so the kids don't disturb the rest of the church. I don't sit there. I bring DD right into church with me and she's very well behaved and quiet. I understand that some kids are just quieter/easier and some are very active. However, I also think a lot has to do with your expectations. I expect DD to sit and play with a toy or book or just listen to the music during church and she does. She knows what I expect of her and I always praise her after for being so good.
It's also about balance. I make sure DD has lots of play time right before and after church so she's not sitting still all morning. I feel that an hour is more than enough time to expect her to sit quietly at her age. As for restaurants... I think 45min - an hour is about all we can ask of DD. (DS, at 6 months, about 20 minutes!) She is usually pretty good, but gets antsy after that. We do make sure to sit down to a family dinner almost every night where she is at the table for at least 30 minutes. I think this really helps with restaurants. Also, crayons, books, etc. You need to "practice" at home by making them sit at the table, use manners, etc. and eventually it will take.
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
I kinda think the whole "French parenting/dieting/lifestyle is better" thing is totally overdone and not really true - it's really referring to this VERY tiny portion of French people, (the "bobos") very few of whom I believe exist at all. And I am a French teacher who obviously LOVES French language and culture.
I have French friends (who are just "normal" people who don't live in Paris), and I've seen their kids at picnics/in restaurants/parks - and I think they pretty much act like kids anywhere else. They may be a little stricter at times, but I don't think it's that much different (certainly not worthy of a whole parenting book, IMO)
At this age, we try to take DD out as much as possible so she's used to having to behave in public. But it's definitely not relaxing, and there is a lot of "pre-emptive" mangement going on, but it works (usually)...
My first two are 15 months apart, so I know it can be hard, but it's definitely doable. I remember that there is a phase (just before 18 months or so? It's all a blur...) where it was particularly hard to take them out to restaurants. PPs have great suggestions that worked for us:
--bringing snacks, ordering early are always helpful
--crayons, books, stickers, linking rings with toys, etc. It really depends on what your baby is into. DS1 was all about books, DS2 did better with stickers and crayons.
--facing the action usually helps. My boys have always been sports fanatics so if there was a TV in any far off corner of the place that was showing any sport that was our best bet (sad, but true...they are freakishly good at following almost any game!)
--For us we don't let them leave their highchairs until we are at the tail end of dinner because if they start in our laps we'll never get them back in.
--knowing when to ask for the check. Some places give you a chance to sit and relax for a long time until you ask for it. That's great customer service (not rushing you) but in those places we'll usually ask for the check and then just take our time leaving. That way when the kids are suddenly ready to go we don't have to sit around waiting to pay.
We went through a phase where we stopped going out as much (we generally have taken them out once a week somewhere since they were a little under a year) for maybe a couple months but it was closer to 2 yrs old, DS was freaking out every time and it was a mess. Here's our approach (esp when they were younger):
1. Order their meal immediately upon sitting down & tell them to bring it as soon as it is ready.
2. After we order, order the check in case we need to make a fast getaway.
3. Always bring snacks that are small & can be given to them in small quantities gradually (cheerios, goldfish, puffs, whatever)
4. bring a couple books or maybe noiseless toys but not too many & be prepared to pick up off the floor a million times
5. make sure we never go out to dinner if kids are starving b/c the impatience for the food will make everyone go insane
6. leave if they get too out of control, no one enjoys it & leaving shows that you will leave places if they don't behave
7. I actually do not let them out of the highchair before the food comes unless they're on our lap (or outside sometimes if DS needs a little talk about good restaurant behavior) b/c 1) I don't feel like chasing them around a restaurant not to mention disturbing ppl) and 2) I don't think it shows appropriate restaurant behavior. But that is just me.
8. We don't overstay. If they're done eating and starting to get pretty rammy we wrap it up. Some days that means we are in the restaurant for 30 min other days it could be an hour.
good luck. there will be good days & bad days...
. I found between 1 & 2 was the hardest and now edging up on 3 it is much better. But in general it is not "enjoyable" for us esp w/ 2 kids b/c we are both constantly dealing w/ one of them for the most part, whether it is picking things up that are thrown, preventing something from being spilled, cutting things up, getting something for them, etc etc etc. It's all good though, part of the process.
Thank you to everyone for all the helpful tips and advice! I see a light at the end of this tunnel
We generally eat dinner at the table together every night so DS is good in his highchair IF he's eating. Sometimes the food just ticks him off if it's something he doesn't like/want to try! If that happens while we're out (or home for that matter) that is when things head south quickly.
We can usually get 30 minutes out of him realistically, and with all your tips maybe I can get more soon!
I really just think the book gave me some unrealistic expectations for my one-year-old. I think there are some pearls of wisdom to be gleaned from a parenting outlook that teaches children to "wait" from almost day 1. I feel that children should know that while their parents love them and will always meet their needs they are not the center of the entire universe, and can't always get what they want immediately. I will try to employ some of this style of parenting while maintaining reasonable age-related expectations.