If you've used a Doula, please give insight

mb314 · May 2012

DH is concerned that a doula would "take his place" and boss him around and cut him out of the process. I tried to explain that a doula is experienced in child birth and will help us both make it through the process. But, since I'm a FTM, I didn't have too many specifics to give him. Please let me know what your doula did for you and how it helped your SO during the process of labor (and after)

tokenhoser · May 2012

She made DH a rockstar. My DH isn't the kind of guy to read a bunch of books about birth and learn how to be a fantastic labour coach ahead of time. She gave him practical suggestions in the moment, and he used them to support me in the perfect way. She was his cheat sheet.

In addition, she supported us both physically. I had a lot of back labour, so DH and the doula took turns applying counterpressure and hip squeezes. Even if DH knew I needed that and how to do it (he did not know that, but he could have if he had prepared more I suppose), he couldn't have kept it up as long as I needed it if he was alone. If we had to be separated after the birth, DH could have gone with the baby while the doula stayed with me. Two bodies supporting me was better than one.

It was important when we hired the doula that DH had an equal say on how he felt about her.

pepomntpat · May 2012

She took a lot of the pressure off of DH to remember everything. He was a lot more relaxed. I know DH was worried about the same thing. After we interviewed doulas he was totally 100% sold on hiring one and he recommends it to his friends as well. Set up a few interviews and make sure your DH is there with his questions and concerns. A good doula will ease his fears.

Blasianlove · May 2012

I haven't had my baby yet, but I had DH come to the last meeting before our due date. He asked questions and the doulas gave some insight on things.

Do you think your DH would want to meet and ask questions regarding what they would do for you and how they would incoorporate him in assisting you?

robyn2201 · May 2012

Dh was afraid of the same thing before DD was born. I finally convinced him to hire one and after DD was born he raved about our doula to everyone. Kept telling people she was the best thing ever.

Basically by her being there, it allowed dh to be by my side the entire time. If I needed water she went and got it. She set up the CD player with music. I stood my entire labor with my arms around dh's neck and the entire time my doula was there behind me, pushing the tennis ball into my back. There is no way DH could have done both. She was able to be a go between me and the hospital staff. Someone came in to draw blood and she asked if they could wait till the contraction was over. They weren't going to wait and I was in no condition to ask for them to wait. And dh was too busy helping me through the contraction to say no.

Mrs.MauiBride24 · May 2012

I asked DH how many births he has attended... none. So how was he supposed to know what to do/how to help. Wink

But really, the doula is there to support the BOTH of you. She is able to help with ALL the needs of a laboring mother, but what she emphasized with us is that the dad is there to support in the ways that he is able and she picks up the slack with the rest. My DH is squemish with blood and guts but he was excellent at fanning me, giving me ice chips and telling me what a good job I was doing. The doula was the one rubbing my shoulders, back, suggesting positions, etc.

When all was said and done, DH said he would have paid her double!

pixieprincss · May 2012

Because DH was my birth coach, the doula was there to support him. When he ran out of ideas, she had more. When he needed to grab some food, she filled in. When we faced some tough decisions, she answered our questions with more education and experience that we had even with all of our preparing.

When we interviewed her asking her how she would support DH was one of our questions. Also, DH played a big part in picking her since she was his support person in many ways.

Your best bet for helping your DH may be to do some interviews with doulas and hear it for himself.

Temp76535187505890 · May 2012

Schedule a meeting with a doula. Any good doula will put you and your husband at ease. Seriously, it took actually meeting a doula and talking about her role for my husband to jump on board.

mb314 · May 2012

Thanks everyone! We still have some time, but I can hopefully talk him into meeting some doulas in the next couple of months

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If you've used a Doula, please give insight

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