How do I go about this?

KaylaC0514 · May 2012

I'm planning on delivering at an alternative birthing center. It is a very natural friendly, at home atmosphere, but its connected to a hospital. I know for sure I do not want anyone but my DH and our MW in the room. But I kind of don't even want anyone coming to the hospital, like my mom, grandma, sister, in laws, etc. Is this out of the norm or a rude request?

I was thinking just my DH and I would go to the hospital, I would have our baby and we would go home and have a couple weeks just the 3 of us before any family gets to even meet our baby. With me being a FTM I just want to make sure that this is a good idea and i'm curious as to how I would tell my family that I don't want them involved during that whole experience.. at all. Mainly because they stress me out and I know I'm going to be exhausted and just want some family time the 3 of us.

couliegirl · May 2012

I'd try to explain your feelings first. If that's not looking like it's going to work, they can't come to the hospital, if you don't tell them you're there. They can't come into your home if you lock the door, and don't answer it.

kacelle · May 2012

I understand not wanting family at the hospital, and that's definitely a reasonable request. However, excluding all family from visiting for the first few weeks is pretty selfish IMO. They're excited about the new family member too, and would likely be a lot of help to you (e.g. allowing you to catch a nap!) if you'd allow them to be. I can't think of any way to ask family to spend a few weeks away without causing some serious hurt that just wouldn't be worth it to me.

Bonidiebabe · May 2012

Unless your family is a new breed I've never heard of they would be seriously p!ssed not getting to meet your baby in the first few weeks. We had a really hard time keeping ppl away for just one day.

As far as visitors go at the center that is totally up to you. I only had DH and my mom there. No one else was invited. Ppl had a hard time understanding at first when they started asking about it. You just have to be clear and upfront about it.

MommyMelRN · May 2012

I had a friend do this same thing, and she still gets flack from her family about it, and her kid is like 7 now! I do understand how you feel though, especially if you are a normally stressed out person.

Is there anyone in particular that you are close to that you trust and would want to help you out like your mom or your sister? You and this helper could plan a small family gathering, for everyone to meet the baby, get it all over with, and then ask for some space, that way it's not a constant barrage of visitors violating your family bonding time.

We just moved way out of state, so we won't really have this problem! I've already told my friends and family they are welcome to come anytime, but don't expect a clean house or to be entertained, and that they probably will be put to work!

judahsmommy1 · May 2012

kacelle:
I understand not wanting family at the hospital, and that's definitely a reasonable request. However, excluding all family from visiting for the first few weeks is pretty selfish IMO. They're excited about the new family member too, and would likely be a lot of help to you (e.g. allowing you to catch a nap!) if you'd allow them to be. I can't think of any way to ask family to spend a few weeks away without causing some serious hurt that just wouldn't be worth it to me.

This... especially the bold. Unless your family is down right abusive, I would make time to see relatives sometime during the first few weeks. You can absolutely ask friends to stay away, but I would make sure that at the very least grandparents got the opportunity to see their grandchild. Babies change so much in those first few weeks and it would be awful for them to be in town and unable to see their grandchild. Set up some ground rules, even set an amount of time you're comfortable with them staying, but give them a chance to see the baby.

SWBs Wifey · May 2012

Don't tell them when you're in labor. That solves that part of the problem. And once you're at home, you might be surprised at how much you WANT other people around.

We live out of state from all family, so I'm incredibly sad that no one will be able to meet our son until he's several weeks old. With DS1, I cried because no one was waiting for us at our house or had tied a blue ribbon or balloon to our mailbox or front door (because my mom would have done that, for sure, and she died in 2003). This time, the only people that will be visiting us in the hospital is my son and whoever he's staying with (a friend). And possibly not even Friend, since I don't think she'd be able to get away without her kids and only siblings are allowed to visit us. DH might have to go pick up DS1 to bring him to meet his little brother.

mrsj0423 · May 2012

I agree that not allowing anyone to meet the baby for a few weeks is a little harsh. I completely understand where you are coming from though. MH and I decided that the best "middle of the road" option for us will be to allow visitors to the hospital AFTER we are settled in our postpartum room, a few hours after the delivery. And we will be asking for no visitors for 4 days once we get home. We want those first few days to be just the 3 of us getting used to our new family unit. There will be no exceptions for the 4 days at home, which is why we will actually encourage people to come visit at the hospital to get their "1st look".

BeeKayy21 · May 2012

kacelle:
I understand not wanting family at the hospital, and that's definitely a reasonable request. However, excluding all family from visiting for the first few weeks is pretty selfish IMO. They're excited about the new family member too, and would likely be a lot of help to you (e.g. allowing you to catch a nap!) if you'd allow them to be. I can't think of any way to ask family to spend a few weeks away without causing some serious hurt that just wouldn't be worth it to me.

I agree with this completely. I have heard that, as long as everything goes smoothly, birthing centers do not keep you as long as hospitals so, that, you could probably get away with...especially if you are only their for a day. Like me, I think it is frustrating to have a bunch of family waiting in the waiting room..I do not want to feel rushed. They can come in and see the baby when we say that we are ready..even if that is after 2 breast feeding sessions and a nap....but I know that will only last for a limited amount of time until family will be busting the door down to meet THEIR new member of THEIR family....everyone gets excited for a new baby. The "few week wait" is unreasonable.

pinksweetpea2 · May 2012

I can't imagine keeping my babies from their very excited grandparents for 3 weeks. Also, the help that my Mom gave us in the first couple of weeks was priceless. She did all the cooking, cleaning, etc. so we could focus on bonding with our babies.

As for the birth- just don't call them until you are on your way home.

pithikaki · May 2012

We've decided not to call/tell anyone until after we have the baby. I originally thought I didn't want anyone at the hospital, and I've told them all that I'm not sure what will happen or how long we will even be there (which is true), but after DH and I talked it over we realized... we'd much rather have them at the hospital for a few hours than have them in our home a few days later. Just something to consider! I don't want to feel like I have to clean or do anything once I'm home from having our baby. Plus, visiting hours make it impossible for people to overstay like they might try to (stressful!!) in our home.

If you're unsure, just don't commit to anything. It's your baby, and your birth. Give them a heads up if you want, but remember you are not obligated to anything but taking care of yourself and your baby.

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