Pregnancy after loss

cdjulien · May 2012

It has been six months since my son was still born at 28 weeks, and i just found out this week we are 5 weeks pregnant. I am terrified for what is to come, and for what comments people will make when they find out we are pregnant again. As it is my family already starting asking because i have started to show earlier then with my first. Any good advise on how to handle people who make stupid comments about baby number 2? I know i got a lot of them after he died, the common, you will have more kids. Also, how did you handle the week when you lost your other child, when you are currently pregnant? any good tricks.

Petunia844 · May 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there were good tricks... unfortunately, it's just a matter of taking it one day at a time. Don't feel guilty for celebrating this new baby, but don't feel guilty if you feel like you can't celebrate him or her yet either. I would suggest posting on the "Pregnant after a Loss" board as well. There are women there with earlier losses as well, but many of us late loss moms are there too and the support is wonderful. You're more than welcome to post on this board too, although we try to keep our pregnancy-specific posts mostly to the other board... just because there are women here who aren't ready to think of another pregnancy yet, or who haven't been able to conceive again after their loss.

samakasrc · May 2012

I just wanted to say congratulations on the new LO. I am crossing my fingers to get a + test result any day now, I too am afraid of what people will say. But honestly I don't think people will say much. In my case i'm more afraid of what they will say because we're planning our wedding for next year (people may be concerned about mixing the 2).

A great explanation I came across for people, and have been waiting to be able to do a blog about it is this:

"What is a Rainbow Baby?

A baby born after the loss of an older child. The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

magdalina.h · May 2012

There really isn't anything good to say. I can't really give a good answer right now (work is crazy busy) but I'll respond later since I do have my rainbow baby (successful pregnancy/birth after a loss)

johnnys june · May 2012

I agree with everything the ladies above have said. This is a difficult journey and you can only take it one day at a time. The only advice I can give...celebrate each and every moment you can about this pregnancy. But be gentle on yourself on the bad days...when it seems too hard or too scary. Mixing grief and a new pregnancy is bound to have it's struggles. There is no way around it. Do what you can to bring yourself comfort. Some women buy dopplers to listen to the heartbeat daily ( I did), others didn't buy one for fear it would make them even more crazy.

As for people making comments. Being honest. When people ask me questions I reply honestly, regardless of how it may sound. They can judge me if they want, but they have never walked in my shoes.

I know this time will be scary. I just posted this on my blog a couple weeks ago. https://themistylife.blogspot.com/2012/04/truth.html I debated whether I should share it or not because it could be "too soon." But the truth is, I'm grateful for all the direct and honesty posts I've read from the beginning. So I hope it doesn't scare you....

Definitely visit the Pregnant After Loss board. There are some amazing women there who truly do understand (and alot of those women are from this board too).

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