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May 2012 Moms
fyziksgirl
member
IL rant (warning: pro-vaccine, long)
fyziksgirl
member
I live in a state where pertussis (whooping cough) is officially an epidemic and the CDC has been called in to help contain it. It is a serious problem here. And whooping cough is deadly for young infants who can't be protected against it.
So, we have family coming in to visit baby girl after she's born. We asked that they all make sure they are current on this vaccination since it is so prevalent here and so dangerous for baby girl.
My dad responded ASAP, said he went and got a booster.
My mom responded after the reminder a few weeks later thanking me for reminding her and telling me that she and her husband both went and got the booster.
My in laws, who will be driving through the diagonal of the state with frequent stops and thus be as exposed as a visitor can be, ignored my husband's and my e-mails for months.
I finally cornered my MIL online tonight and asked her about it very politely. She said she'd send me all of their detailed information on when each family member (four kids at home would be coming with them) had the vaccine last because we "may not be comfortable with their level of vaccination". Great. I'm thinking someone may be out of date, but that is probably workable.
I get the e-mail. She and her husband? HAVE NEVER HAD IT. And 3/4 kids are not current, though I'd be more willing to overlook that since most are close and that's a relative strength thing rather than a zero immunity thing.
Oh, and she refuses to get vaccinated because she is an idiot. Not that there aren't good reasons to refuse some vaccinations, but she has shared hers with me, and she is an idiot. I hate pseudo-science. So she said in her e-mail that if we weren't comfortable with their "level of vaccination" (aka NO vaccination) they would simply not come until baby girl was vaccinated. Which would occur when she is SIX MONTHS OLD.
If it were my family I'd say, fine, if you're going to be morons you can see her when she's six months old. Your choice. But it's my ILs. And my husband is VERY close to them. So I am now sick with worry about the discussion we're going to have tonight, because he desperately wants to introduce his daughter to his family, but he also doesn't want to put her at risk. Awesome. This is going to kill him.
Ugh. I hate stupid people.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: IL rant (warning: pro-vaccine, long)
BFP 1: 9/19/11 , DS born 5/28/12 @ 41 weeks
He has in the past when asking her if she was current, expressing to her that it's important to him and why. Her response is, "If you aren't comfortable with our current level of vaccination we'll wait to visit until you are comfortable." At least she's giving us options...
Yeah I have a feeling I'm gonna have trouble w/ my mom's boyfriend. She's fine w/ getting it, he on the other hand......yeah. He's currently "sick", she thinks it's pneumonia because of how his chest/coughs sound & he refuses to go to the doctor. He never goes to the doctor for anything, says/thinks doctors don't know what they're doing, blah blah blah. So what is he doing now? Not going to work (not even notifying his boss that he's sick) & sitting in the back room sleeping & drinking beer. Oh, and to make matters worse - he's a truck driver. We live in Indiana & he sometimes has drives out to Georgia. So there's how many states he drives through.
Good luck with yours OP. At least your in-laws are willing to stay away for the meanwhile. My mom's bf lives w/ her so if he doesn't get it then that means I can't even take my child to my mom's house!
I'm so sorry; that is immensely frustrating!
I also have laid down a hard rule that you MUST have had a TDAP in the last 3 years to be anywhere near my baby. I had pertussis when I was in high school and it was frightening for me then, I cannot imagine my infant having it. Luckily my friends and family are extremely pro-vaccine so I haven't had any issues, but I 100% agree with your stance and I honestly feel like if they want to choose to not see their grandchild, that is their choice, as ridiculous as it is. Your baby is young enough that she won't be missing out on the relationship yet but I can only imagine how emotionally difficult this is for you and your husband
Exactly. It's their decision not to get vaccinated and so it's their loss. Hopefully they'll change their minds and get the vaccine but it doesn't sound like it. Good luck.
FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing.
wow.. that stinks. I'm not even a pro-vaccine person ( at infant age) but even I asked both my parent and my in-laws to get vaccinated. My mom did. I'm also still waiting on my in-laws. Hopefully they plan to do it soon. I honestly think that if it were me I wouldn't let them see her until she had the vaccine. You're child is most important and since you already know there is an epidemic near you... it doesn't sound safe, but I tend to lean to the side of caution on stuff like that.
Good luck!
Make a pregnancy ticker
Then wait till you are comfortable for her to see your baby (6 months?)... She may re-think getting vaccinated when she can't see her grandchild for that long. I can't believe that she would miss out seeing her grandchild over something like that. She must be a very stubborn woman. It is like the freaking flu shot... what is the big deal? I get you wanting grandparents vaccinated but having a bunch of additional kids vaccinated to see your baby seems a bit extreme. Unfortunately you cannot control everyone and everything that your baby will come into contact with. I know it is a big deal but honestly, you cannot dictate others lives like that.
This. I asked my ob about it. I'm in MN and it must not be an epidemic here yet. My doc said I would get it at my 6 week follow up. My doc mentioned that our parents should get it too but really nearer to the winter.
Just food for thought.. I guess you are not planning on going to the grocery store or Target or anywhere with your baby in the first 6 months then? You can't make sure everyone is vaccinated. Just a thought. I can understand your concern and desire to protect your LO that is admirable. Just wanted to point out that if you aren't going to let MIL see the baby then you probably should not take the baby out at all.
While its true that you cant protect them from everything, people at the grocery store won't be holding and kissing your baby. And I'm sure that since your in a state where there is an outbreak, you would take precautions before taking LO out.. like putting her in a baby carrier so she can be touched by no one but you.
My OB never mentioned anything to me either but I read a post on here a few weeks ago that really freaked me out. It was a story about a mom who gave whooping cough to her baby without knowing she had it and her baby didn't make it.
The way I see it.. theres no reason that your IL's can't get the shot.. It is not a shot that makes you sick and its very rude and inconsiderate of them to refuse if they don't have a good reason.
You can't control everyone's access to your child and their decisions but at very least your family should respect your childs life enough to be willing to go the extra mile. The more safety that you can provide for your baby, the better.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Thanks for the responses. I appreciate the support! To follow up:
I have no problem telling them they can't tell til she's older. Zero. I don't think it will affect my child at all, and I quite frankly feel like it's their choice. If it were just me, I'd do that without a second thought. My main concern is for my husband, who is VERY close to his family and who it would devastate to not be able to introduce his daughter to them for extra time.
I have been researching the vaccine and disease as a PP suggested. What I have found: you need to have the vaccine two weeks before seeing baby, that is how long it takes to be effective. You can spread it as soon as you have symptoms, but initial symptoms look like a common cold and/or allergies often (stuffy nose, etc.), the characteristic cough may not show up for a few weeks. Since my in-laws are all major allergy sufferers, they're all likely to have stuffy noses around spring, which would make it hard to know if it's just allergies or something else.
As for taking baby girl out, I realize I can't protect her from the world, and I won't try. I think you can take reasonable precautions without putting baby in a bubble, it's not all or nothing. I'm not going to make her wear a mask all the time or keep her cloistered until she's older. But, as a PP said, while out she won't be held, kissed, etc. by strangers, and I plan on wearing her a lot to help ensure this. A random stranger passing by and stopping to glance at her is different than people spending many days in close proximity with her and her environment, holding, kissing, cuddling, etc. her. So while it's not as big a deal as if DH was refusing...it's still a bigger deal than a random stranger in the grocery store refusing.
*sigh*
I can certianly understand you wanting to protect your little one the best you can.. you are her mommy. I was just posing another thought. Whooping cough is airborne, so if it is rampant where you live might be best not to take your little one out. And the Pedi's office.. holy petri dish. My ODS was perfectly healthy and we went yesterday for a check up.. guess who has a cold.
Side note they thought my ODS had it a few years ago. He had to be quarantined until the test reslts came back. The health dept. called our house.. no fun.