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Did you really just say that?!?

kiki4kiki4 member
in TTC After a Loss
It started out as an ok day....it's CD1, but after the spotting and temp drop, I expected it. I come in to work to an email with u/s pics. My friend is telling me about the appt and a blood test to find out if its a boy or girl because she just can't wait. When I tell her AF is here and that I should be having my anatomy scan and that I am bummed I am back at the starting point, you know what she says?? "You just need to relax!" She then goes on to tell me about a study her doctor gave her that says it's ok to drink alcohol daily during pregnancy and I just need to drink and relax. My response back to her was, "Drink and relax...right...my hormones being all jacked up have nothing to do with it. I realize you have not struggled to get pregnant, so you have no idea how insensitive that statement is. I hope you never have to find out." I've pretty much spent the entire morning at work in tears. Thank goodness my boss understands.
BFP 1/19/12 No heartbeat at 7w4d 3rd dose Cytotec 3/1/12
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Re: Did you really just say that?!?

  • kpowers982kpowers982 member

    Oh HELL no.  She sounds like a winner.  I'm sorry she made you feel so bad, that is insensitive to the max.  I'm really glad you stoof up for yourself though, I hope she took it to heart.  But the ignorant usually don't unfortunately.  Hugs for you today <3

    Cycle 7: BFP 1-17-12, Missed Miscarriage at 8w6d (measured 7w2d, no HB), D&C 2-29-12
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  • DaisyZHDaisyZH member
    I'm so sorry, that was incredibly rude and insensitive.  I'm glad that your boss at least is understanding.  ((hugs)), I hope your day gets better and that your friend gets a clue and starts treating you better.


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  • Mmm79Mmm79 member
    Good for you telling her the deal in your response.  Now hopefully she gets it- even just a little- and apologizes for being so insensitive.

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    BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
    BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
    BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






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  • andreagbandreagb
    add her to throat punch thursday!...
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  • funny bunnyfunny bunny member

    Wow!

    What a *%$itch!

    I hope you have a day where you don't think of her for even 1 second. *Hugs*

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    נשמה שבאה לעולם למספר חודשים לשהות במעי האם, היא נשמת צדיק גמור שבאה לעולם רק לתקן פגם קטן ולאחר מספר חודשים אלו היא שבה למקומה לגן עדן להתענג על ה'. לעתיד לבוא נשמה זו תוכר באחד מבנייך ובזכות נשמת צדיק זה תזכי להיות במחיצת צדיקים
    TTC Since September 2011
    BFP#1:Dec.1.11 EDD:Aug.09.12 MC:Jan.11.12 (9WK5D)-Natural
    BFP#2:Apr.18.12 EDD:Dec.21.12 MC:May.1.12 (6WK3D)-D&C
    BFP#3:Sep.12.12 - Suspected CP | BFP#4:Dec.1.12 - Suspected CP
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    BFP#6: Jun.11.13 EDD:Feb.23.13 Beta: #1=8000 #2=24532 US@6wk2d showed 7wk2d size with 143BPM HR * NT US@12wk6d looked good. A/S passed with flying colors and our team color is Blue! *Grow my little Pamplemousse*!!!
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  • ahbEsqahbEsq member
    OMG.  That is about the worst thing you can say to someone TTC, especially coming from someone who had no problems getting pregnant in the first place.  I guess that's what my problem is, I'm not getting drunk often enough and am too uptight.  I'm sorry you are having to deal with it.

    BFP #1 natural mc 4/24/2012 5w1d 
    BFP #2 DS born 3/30/2013 
    BFP #3 cp 2/6/2014 
    BFP #4 natural mc 3/19/2014 5w6d 
    BFP #5 4/27/2014 EDD 12/24/2014 --IT'S A GIRL!

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  • Laurakat81Laurakat81 member
    Wow! I'm so sorry she said that! (((hugs)))

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


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  • QuigleyCat1QuigleyCat1 member
    HUGS.  I'm so sorry!  That was so insensitive.  Also if my doc said,"Hey if you feel stressed during your pregnancy, just have alcohol everyday to relax", I'd never step foot in that office again!  Shheeesh! 

    Lilypie - (dLe1)

     

          ***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.

           We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***

     Lilypie - (AW2u)
     

     Lilypie - (L84X)Lilypie - (D4Hj)

     

     

     

     

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  • bananersbananers member
    I'm so sorry. But great response. I would have loved to see the look on her face. ((hugs))
    BFP #1 10/6/11 | EDD 6/15/12 | MMC 11/7/11 @ 8w3d | D&C 11/14/11

    BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13

    BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15

    BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d

    Just keep swimming.
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  • LaTi07LaTi07 member
    WTF?! What an awful thing to say to someone. I swear people are just ignorant! She in the state? I'll whoop her pg a$$ old school brass knuckle style! (Hugs)

    My Old Blog | My Chart | TTCAL Shenanigans
    ♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 02/23/11 | EDD: 11/01/11 | natural m/c 03/20/11 @7w5d♥
    ♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 07/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
    ♥BFP #3 "Progeny" - 02/16/15 | It's a BOY!! | EDD: 10/17/15 | BD: 10/23/15♥
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  • VikingQueenVikingQueen member

    some people are clueless. I'm sorry sweetie

     

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  • kiki4kiki4 member

    imageLaTi07:
    WTF?! What an awful thing to say to someone. I swear people are just ignorant! She in the state? I'll whoop her pg a$$ old school brass knuckle style! (Hugs)

    Thank you, this made me smile...unfortunately she is not.

    BTW...we need to find a weekend to get together.

    BFP 1/19/12 No heartbeat at 7w4d 3rd dose Cytotec 3/1/12
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  • dtowngirldtowngirl

    *Shakes Head* 

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    BabyFruit Ticker BFP #1 - 1-25-2012. Missed M/C discovered at 9 weeks 3 days. D&C 3-9-2012

    BFP #2 - 10-11-2012 Beta 38, 10-15-2012 Beta 518!.
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  • jinxycat24jinxycat24

    Thats not only a completely ignorant thing to say but also beyond insensitive. Your response was perfect! I hope this serves as a little wake up call that she needs to think before she speaks! So sorr you had to deal with that.

     

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  • kiki4kiki4 member

    Thanks ladies...I knew you all would understand. What really rubs me the wrong way about all of this is she has experienced a loss (before she had her DD). She knows how hard that is. But she has never struggled to get pregnant. She is one of those people who says we're going to try to get pg and it takes one month. It took me 2 years to get pg with the peanut I lost. And I can't tell you how many times in that 2 years she told me I needed to relax.

    Oh, and yes, she has been drinking in the 1st tri...but "only really good reds or chardonnay."

    BFP 1/19/12 No heartbeat at 7w4d 3rd dose Cytotec 3/1/12
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  • SmootiepieSmootiepie member

    imageandreagb:
    add her to throat punch thursday!...

    This, and *HUGE HUGS*

    Me (28): fine, DH (28): MFI
    Married 6/21/09
    Off BCP and TTC 4/17/11
    BFP #1 (ended in CP) 7/15/11
    Varicocelectomy surgery 9/4/12 - T improved to normal, but still low count

    Current Status: Pursuing Jan '15 IVF w/ ICSI
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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  • beachbum4304beachbum4304 member
    What an idiot! I'm so sorry she was so rude and inconsiderate. I just don't understand why people who are supposed to be friends are the ones that say the worst things. 

    BFP 4/4/12 CP 4/10/12

    9/20/2013 Came home with our little miracle from the Philippines

    11/26/2013 Surprise!!! BFP!
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  • panacea05panacea05 member
    She's a flucking idiot, and I'm so glad you stood up for yourself. ((hugs))
    It was a rough road, but Arlo Daniel was born April 1, 2013—and our second rainbow is due October 12, 2014.
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  • mikeANDjen448mikeANDjen448 member

    imagebananers:
    I'm so sorry. But great response. I would have loved to see the look on her face. ((hugs))

    THIS.

    I'm sorry you had a rough morning :( some people just don't understand- and like you said to her- I hope they never will have to be forced to....  (((hugs)))


    TTC #1 since 5/2010 dx: annovulatory 

    RLP: 2/2012: normal HSG 3/2012: normal

     BFP #1 7/20/11 M/C 7/25/11. BFP #2 11/29/11 M/C 12/21/11

    I have two angel babies that I will see again one day

    BFP #3 10/27/12 EDD: 7/6/13

    Baby Emma arrived at 35 weeks by surprise on June 3rd, 2013!!


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  • KDS1987KDS1987 member

    B!tch!!! People say the most ignorent crap sometimes, it is shocking. Sorry you had such a rough day, hope DH spoils you tonight and you have a better day tomorrow.

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    BFP #1 11/5/11 EDD 7/22/12 MC 11/14/11
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  • lsuhoneybadgerlsuhoneybadger member
    What an a$$hat! Sheesh, some people just need to STFU.  (((hugs))))
    BFP #1:  8/10/11 EDD: 4/9/12 Natural miscarriage @ 7 weeks: 8/20/11
    BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
    BFP #3:  5/17/13  EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13

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    Lots of testing, all clear with the exception of compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation. 

    Cycle 1: Femara, trigger shot, Bravelle added due to slow response = BFN
    Cycle 2: Cancelled due to two cysts =(
    Cycle 3: Femara, Bravelle, trigger shot and IUI = BFP then loss #3
    Cycle 4: Femara, Follistim, trigger shot and IUI = BFP!  EDD: 6/7/14

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