Mommy/Daddy Preference Poll

gymnst1013 · May 2012

Do your LOs have a preference for mommy or daddy?

Has that preference changed at all?

Do you do anything to encourage your LO to be more interested (for lack of a better term) in the other parent?

What have you done and has it worked?

For BTDT moms, have you noticed preferences changing with your older LOs?

(Yeah, this post is coming from a sad place tonight. N so clearly prefers MH these days and it makes me want to cry. I don't know what I can do to get him to want to be with me more. I don't necessarily want him to prefer me over MH, but just not reject me quite so often.)

SpceCadet · May 2012

DS very much prefers me over DH. We've been trying to make an effort to have DH watch DS without me to help with the preference. It's kind of working, but he clearly wants mom at night, especially.

I think his preference has nearly always been me and has been slowly getting stronger. I hope that the tide shifts a bit so that I can feel a bit less overwhelmed.

RClaffee · May 2012

I don't know how to fix it, but we are in a similar spot with Abby right now. She fell down earlier today and when I went to hold her, she literally pushed me away and cried "dadadadada." At first I thought it was a coincidence, but then I saw how she reacted to DH coming into the room to see what was going on.

klv · May 2012

With the exception of the first month or do, Hannah has always preferred DH. She is better behaved for him and he can always sooth her when I cans. She lives her daddy!

ladybug122 · May 2012

My DD usually would choose me over my SO, but she's less picky now that she used to be. I think she is getting more comfortable with him cause of the times that I have left the two of them alone - until recently they barely ever hung out without me there too.

Strange as it sounds though, my DD seems to prefer my step-mom (her Nana) over me. She spends 3 evenings a week with her Nana while I'm in class, and she cries when I pick her up! Big sobbing cries It makes me feel so sad. I tell myself that it is because she knows it will be bedtime soon, and because I have to be the bad guy who puts her to sleep. But I also worry that my step-mom is just more fun than I am...I guess its easier to be really fun for a couple hours than all the time. Anyways, try not to take LOs preference to heart, I'm sure it'll go back and forth as he gets older, and he's always going to love you cause your his one and only momma.

saunderslm2 · May 2012

D prefers me and it breaks MH's heart :-( He fell tonight and cracked his head really hard on the wall. MH came running for him and tried to calm him down. No luck. As soon as he was in my arms he stopped crying.

I try to just let me CIO when HM has him and he wants me - like when I'm cooking or cleaning. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm hoping that as he gets older he will start enjoying his daddy time.

gymnst1013 · May 2012

saunderslm2:
D prefers me and it breaks MH's heart :-( He fell tonight and cracked his head really hard on the wall. MH came running for him and tried to calm him down. No luck. As soon as he was in my arms he stopped crying.
I try to just let me CIO when HM has him and he wants me - like when I'm cooking or cleaning. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm hoping that as he gets older he will start enjoying his daddy time.

Same thing happened here tonight but with the reverse. My brother's fiance was holding N and we all started laughing at something and it scared him. He started crying so I took him so FSIL didn't have to deal with a screaming child but he didn't stop crying for me. As soon as MH took him, not one more tear. Except from me

Syncronicity09 · May 2012

Do your LOs have a preference for mommy or daddy?

Ash has had a preference for Daddy most of his life. I could do the same thing MH did and only get a chuckle where MH gets hysterics. And he always wants to be where MH is. I was a bit jealous, but didn't take it personal, Dad is a fun guy.

Has that preference changed at all?

He is starting to have separation anxiety with me, but not MH. He does run to the door to see where MH has gone when he leaves, but when I leave he will have a breakdown. He will start panicking as soon as I start getting ready.

Do you do anything to encourage your LO to be more interested (for lack of a better term) in the other parent?

I haven't really tried anything. I know these things go in phases, there will be times in his life where he is a Mommy's boy, and times he is Daddy's little man.

I am sorry it is making you feel bad :-( It can be hard not to take it personal.

lovesdogs13 · May 2012

Sorry you're going through this and I feel/felt your pain. DD has favored dh for the past 4 months and it was really making me sad for awhile, since I sah. But, dh is an awesome husband and father so he helps out tons when he gets home from work so they spend a lot of time together. And, I've left her with him a couple of times so I could run errands and have a little me time. She's been hurt before and only wants dh in the past and it seriously hurt my feelings. i was told that babies/children's preferences go in waves and not to take it to heart (easier said than done of course!) but they were right. Now, dd seems to favor me over dh most of the time. But, there are still times when she only wants daddy. She practically dives to the floor when she hears the garage door open, which she knows is the sound of daddy coming home.

So, I hope that makes you feel better that you are not alone in feeling sad that your lo seems to favor yh. Hang in there, it'll turn around soon enough. GL!

thatgirl84 · May 2012

My little girl has always preferred me when she is needy or cranky. She loves her daddy, and is just giddy seeing him arrive home from work. I have seen changes in her preference, but it always goes back to me. This is sweet & I love being able to calm her, but I wish DH could take over when she wakes up in the middle of the night, but when he tries it is useless. She will scream until I come pick her up. Luckily, she sleeps through the night most every night.

I have moms tell me all the time that little girls will start to prefer daddy when they get to the older toddler stage. I'm sure it shifts for boys, too.

thatgirl84 · May 2012

Personally I would be OK with A only wanting DH. Mommyhood is overwhelming sometimes, and it would be nice to have her in DH's arms and actually stop crying. She is just so used to me being here 24 hours a day, so I'm the only that plays with her, feeds her, clothes her, bathes her, and takes her to play dates. DH doesn't interact as much, even proportional to the time he is here to the time I'm here.

I hope it shifts for both of us Smile Try to be happy that DH gets his turn right now. JMO.

hepcats · May 2012

Martin slightly prefers me but he'll reach for whomever isn't currently holding him lol. If it makes you feel any better, that preference is likely to change weekly.

mari_gold · May 2012

DS and DD both have a preference for me. DS always has. DH tends to be less, ah, sympathetic than me, so it's partially that I'm more willing to deal with tantrums and tears. I'm actually awake right now because DS woke up screaming and wouldn't calm down for DH. I walked in his room and he stopped crying and climbed in my lap.

It's a mixed blessing. I love how much they love me, but it sucks being the one on the spot so often.

kaitylin · May 2012

My DD seems to prefer me if she gets hurt but she also has no separation anxiety. She will just go to anyone and wouldn't even notice if I left the room. It makes me sad sometimes because I feel like anyone could just take her home and she really wouldn't care.

vanessa999 · May 2012

DD preferred me from the beginning, but now it seems to have evened out a little bit. I feel like she still prefers me, especially when she's tired, she falls asleep so easily in my arms. But now she's ok with being with DH and they have a lot of fun together when I'm not around, but I definitely think she still prefers me, she has some separation anxiety from me, not so much with DH it seems.

amypogg6 · May 2012

Em definitely prefers me over DH. She always has. She gives DH the biggest smiles every morning and when he comes home from work, but she would rather stay with me. We push her towards him or I leave the room, and after a minute, she is in love with him and plays with him. When she is tired or sick it is much worse. I also think is has to do with DH's work hours. She sees him a lot less than she sees me. I always say, that soon she'll hate her mommy, so it's my turn to get the love.

march2008 · May 2012

She definitely has a strong preference for me, but I'm a SAHM, so I think that's to be expected. I spend way more time with her than DH just because he works 40 hours a week and is away from her during those times. We do try to encourage her to be equally as comfortable with DH. He gives her all of her baths and he does her wind down routine at bedtime every night. It gives him a little bit of alone time with her each day and I stay out of the room so they get some time to bond. She definitely loves playing with him and her eyes light up when he comes home, I just think she's more attached to me since I'm both her main source of food since I BF and she sees me all day long.

LaRue86 · May 2012

Avery has always had a preference for daddy. DH has always been more calming and soothing to him that I have been. Sometimes I feel that I have done something wrong to create this, but even when I was pregnant, he would move like crazy until my DH put his hand on my stomach and he would instantly stop.

I have thought that perhaps my schedule is too busy and does not allow enough time for him, but I know that in a year I will be with him a lot more and although we will have another LO, I wont have school and will hopefully be down to 1 job that I work 2 days a week, rather than FT job, PT job, and FT grad school...I would much rather take the time now than later.

Jills83 · May 2012

V used to prefer me, but now I think he is just as well with either of us. If he is crying or mad he will stop if DH or I pick him up. For the most part, V pushes us both away. He only likes to be held for about 20 seconds and then he wants down again.

Don't let it get you too down, as others have said, it is probably just a phase.

flows912 · May 2012

gymnst1013:
Do your LOs have a preference for mommy or daddy? He definitely prefers daddy over me. It's gotten better over the last few weeks - if I'm playing with him he's fine with me. But if we're tidying up the place and LO is crawling around, he definitely crawls towards MH and not me.
Has that preference changed at all? He use to squirm and cry for daddy, especially during bedtime. But now he's fine with me putting him to bed.
Do you do anything to encourage your LO to be more interested (for lack of a better term) in the other parent? Not really. It use to hurt my feelings when LO would want to cuddle with MH but now that he's on the move all the time he doesn't want to cuddle with either of us.
I know where you're coming from and I wish I could help. For me, it was sad seeing him always go to MH but now that he's more independent, it's sad for me that he's growing up so fast. It just makes me appreciate my time alone with him a little more.

butterfly62682 · May 2012

Avery prefers me over anyone if I am in the room! DH keeps her a lot during the week when he is home.

I try to get excited about her paying more attention to DH when she is with me.

My oldest DD loves her daddy for all the fun things. But if she is hurt or sick, she wants momma!

Spartanmama722 · May 2012

Ev is going through a mommy phase right now. But it changes fairly frequently with him - for a couple days he'll be all about DH and I'll start to get bummed, and then all of the sudden it will switch and he'll be all about me again.

My main things are to try to get him excited about DH and to get DH to get down on the floor and play with him. Like when I hear the garage door open I start telling Ev "Daddy's home! Yay!!" and we crawl over to the gate at the top of the stairs to wait for him to come up. And then I encourage DH to play with Ev even on days when Ev clearly just wants me. Those things work a little bit, but really I just give it a few days and his preference changes.

Good luck, I'm sure it's just a phase and hopefully he'll switch and go through a mama phase soon. I know it feels so crappy when they just don't seem to want you.

MommaG123 · May 2012

Do your LOs have a preference for mommy or daddy? Mama for sure.

Has that preference changed at all? Nope, it's always been mama.

Do you do anything to encourage your LO to be more interested (for lack of a better term) in the other parent? Umm... I'm always just trying to pass her off to MH. I really think she just prefers me because she is with me 24/7 and I am still BFing.

mrsmullins0500 · May 2012

kaitylin:
My DD seems to prefer me if she gets hurt but she also has no separation anxiety. She will just go to anyone and wouldn't even notice if I left the room. It makes me sad sometimes because I feel like anyone could just take her home and she really wouldn't care.

My LO doesn't have separation anxiety either. I felt like a complete b!tch the other day because I WANTED my child to cry for me.

Gym- I would be heartbroken too. Like others have said his preference will probably change multiple times.

Soxgirl07 · May 2012

DS goes back and forth. I also frequently think he's disappointed when I get him at daycare. This morning was the worst.

I was nursing and he was perfectly happy. DH came in and picked him up, but then had to hand him back for a minute. He started full out crying when he was back in my arms and kept reaching for DH

But yesterday when I got home his face lit up and he reached for me. I try to remember that moment instead.

Gym, if I remember correctly, aren't you responsible for N most of the day? Could it be more a case of taking you for granted and seeing daddy as new and therefore exciting, rather than a preference?

RobinSparkles81 · May 2012

She's definitely a mommy's girl still...she loves DH and gets excited when he gets home from work and she actually says Dada way more than Mama...but she is all about me for comfort and cuddles (which are suddenly starting to be more common after MONTHS without them)

JavaVino910 · May 2012

Sorry gym.. that must be hard.

DD prefers her momma over anyone else. If I'm in the room, she wants me alone. She loves her grandparents and DH, and enjoys playing with them. But, she is definitely a momma's girl. I think it's because I spend way way more time with her than DH. I work 4 days a week, so we have one whole day together during the week. Also during the evenings I'm usually caring for Julia while DH is cutting the grass, working out, etc.

I think it hurts his feelings a little bit, but lots of our friends have told us how normal it is. They tell us that DD will start preferring Daddy over Mommy when she gets a little older. We'll see...

SarahKate31 · May 2012

DS prefers DH. He doesn't reject me or anything and DH and I both seem to have the same amount of luck comforting him. It's just that when Daddy comes home or into the room, DS lights up, grins, and goes over to him saying "dadadada". When I come into the room, sometimes he'll wave (with prompting from DH) but mostly he looks up, then goes back to whatever he's doing. He's only just this week started to show some recognition on the word "mama" but he's never so much as uttered an "m" sound. I keep thinking, it's just a phase.

Telly21182 · May 2012

He usually prefers me over DH, but if he hasn't seen DH in an hour or so and he walks in the room he prefers him!

gymnst1013 · May 2012

Soxgirl07:
Gym, if I remember correctly, aren't you responsible for N most of the day? Could it be more a case of taking you for granted and seeing daddy as new and therefore exciting, rather than a preference?

Yeah for the most part although since we both work at home, he does see MH a good bit. Just doesn't necessarily play with him as much. I'm torn on this explanation after reading the responses here. Some people are saying their LOs are more attached to them because they are SAHMs. So I don't know which is the case. I would like to think he is taking me for granted.

aanchor · May 2012

Keaton prefers DH over me and it makes me sad too. DH stays home with him right now so I understand why but it doesn't make it easier Crying

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