If you only invited some of the class to the b.day party...

June2007 · May 2012

How did that work out? And how did you decide who to invite? I was initially going to be sexist and invite just girls but DD has a lot of boy friends that she talks about too so that doesnt work. DD wants to invite almost the whole class, leaving out a few that are "mean" or she doesn't play with as much but that only leaves out like 5 kids, which seems unfair...not that they would really know. I'm considering inviting everyone and just hoping that most don't come....? That's an awful idea though! Our space is not an issue but it would be over whelming having that many kids we don't really know... Any insight?

WestCoastMommy · May 2012

We have sort of the same situation only DS asked for the whole class to come. Yes we have the space but I feel a bit guilty since I hardly know most of them and their parents. Not to mention thats 27 kids and their parents and you just never know who will show. I asked DS how about just the boys and he told me No because he wants Gracie, Hayden and Reagen to be there too. So I told DH we either invite the whole class or allow DS to pick 6 kids from preschool that would be added to the kids of our friends and family.

We rented his fav indoor play place for his party.

Edit: I'm mailing the invitations. DS Class has a rule that unless everyone is invited you have to mail out your invites which I agree with.

lady_tytah · May 2012

I am only inviting the main names I hear my daughter talk about which are only 2 girls from her class. I really dont think it's unfair because I rather limit her choices than invite the whole class and she expects them all to come.

AgrippaRidesAgain · May 2012

We only invited the few that DS actually plays with, and snail mailed the invites using the class directory.

CareBear0607 · May 2012

We only did 3 (out of 17) that DD plays with outside of school. Also, those were the 3 birthday parties that she was invited to.

Edit: I snail mailed the invites.

angelakh · May 2012

We invited DD's entire class - 11 kids including her, and only 3 showed up. If you don't want to invite the whole class, don't. Just invite the kids your LO wants at the party. I would mail the invites though - I find it incredibly tacky to hand out invites at school to a few selected kids. I am glad DD's preschool has a policy against this.

LoCarb · May 2012

June2007-Love the siggy pic!

We invited 5 girls. Two were girls that my DD attended their party's previously. They both declined. The other 3 girls my DD plays w/ the most and suggested them when I asked who she wanted to invite. 1/5 invitees attended. DD wanted one boy but he has a twin sister and I was afraid we would have too many kids and pay a fortune,etc...Again, only 1/5 RSVP'd and we placed the invites in their cubby's 3 wks in advance.

karleegirl · May 2012

I had this issue. It's a small center and ds has been with a lot of the kids since the infant class. As to not hurt any feelings I invited all 25 thinking most wouldn't come. ( that's what I had observed from other parties). I had 10 RSVP and even more show up and bring uninvited siblings. It was at an indoor jump place that had open jump time as well. But two moms just signed siblings in on our tab without asking. Next year he will be in kindergarden and I believe the rule is if you bring invites to school you have to invite the whole class. So that's not going to happen.

jallascalla · May 2012

Most preschool's have a policy that if you are not inviting the whole class, then you cannot leave invites at school/in cubbies. This is a good rule, kids do find out about these things and it does unnecessarily hurt feelings.

That said, we invited one boy from my DS's class because they are close and I am friends with his mother. We also invited a few other kids outside of his preschool class. But all invites were done by mail or phone. I also didn't even tell my son that his friend from school was coming until the last minute because I didn't want him talking about it in class. I told him we were having a "family" party and not a school party.

Edited to add: I don't think it is a problem to only invite a few/some of the kids in his class, just be careful how you go about it.

Karma1969 · May 2012

At the start of the year my DS pre school asked that we invite all of the class so that no child ends up with hurt feelings. I love this about the school.

KdgTeacher · May 2012

-auntie-:

My kid is one who routinely got uninvited. He's not mean, just different. You have no idea the pain you have the power to inflict. Trust me they'll know.

Invite the whole class, or just the girls, or the handful you know well enough to invite via a phone call to their moms.

This. Don't think for one second someone won't come to school the following day and not make a comment.

jlw2505 · May 2012

This has only been an issue with my older DD who is the sweetest child and doesn't want to leave anyone out. Last year, her 1st year of PreK, a lot of the kids had parties where they invited the whole class and we did her party at a bounce house place and could include up 25 kids for the same price and DD wanted to include almost the whole class so we just invited everyone - I would say about 75% came and it was just way to big. This year I limited the party to 15 kids total which includes both of my kids and 2 cousins so she could choose 11 kids to invite. I asked her for the list - and we went over it a few times over a few weeks. She is pretty much just inviting some girlfriends from her PreK class, one of the boys from her class last year whose sister is in her class this year and they were the best of buds last year and then one other boy who we have known since they were in daycare at age 1 together and we see him and his little sister every week at swim lessons. I let my kids decided - even my 4 year old helped me do the list. I just put the invites in the parents box which is allowed at both of my kids schools but some parents have mailed them (they just emailed me for our address). My older DD has had some girl only parties where all the girls in class were invited and I know some of the boys did that as well. I do have to laugh as both this year and last year my older DD has been the only girl invited to an all boy party and she loved it, it didn't even bother her or anything.

June2007 · May 2012

kcarbonell:
June2007-Love the siggy pic!
We invited 5 girls. Two were girls that my DD attended their party's previously. They both declined. The other 3 girls my DD plays w/ the most and suggested them when I asked who she wanted to invite. 1/5 invitees attended. DD wanted one boy but he has a twin sister and I was afraid we would have too many kids and pay a fortune,etc...Again, only 1/5 RSVP'd and we placed the invites in their cubby's 3 wks in advance.

Thanks!

June2007 · May 2012

Thanks for all the insight!

I should have included that we have only been at this center (I'm also a teacher there) for 2 months so we don't anyone that well yet. DD obviously has her best friends in the class but she also has friend from our neighborhood and dance class to invite so inviting all of the preschool class (18 kids) would be craziness! I hate to think of anyone being left out and getting their feelings hurt. The few kids she didn't want to invite all have intense behavioral (3 kids) problems or are very reclusive/disengaged in the class which equals "mean" in her 3 year old mind since they wont/don't know how to play with her.I have addressed this in different ways but anyway I digress...

I think I'll go to route of inviting her top 5 friends from school and personally handing it to the parents when they pick up (I can do this discreetly since I'm there all day- though in a different class- and can avoid doing it in front of kids/other parents)

rsd12 · May 2012

We have only invited a few friends (his best buds), via email or phone. Personally I do not like getting invited to every birthday party. It gets so expensive and time consuming over the weekends. I was a little relieved when he said he did not want to go to a classmates birthday party because the kid was not nice recently.

Jen&Len · May 2012

We are going to invite at most 5 kids from DS's class. He doesn't do well with large crowds and only talks about a few kids, but he asked for a party this year. We already have 15 kids that are close family friends and family that he wants there...I just can't invite another 16 kids + siblings (since that seems to be the trend in this area for the entire family to attend). That would be potentially in the 40's. From what I've seen so far, almost everyone in the class attends. We have a 1200 sq foot house, we can't throw the party here, so we would have to rent a space at roughly $20 a head (the average going rate around here). And that doesn't include food or favors. I do feel bad for the kids who aren't invited, but we just can't shell out that much money for DS to be hiding in a corner at his own party because he's overwhelmed by the crowd.

ridesbuttons · May 2012

I'm keeping the invite list to actual friends capping out at actual age. So, you're turning 5? You get to invite 5 friends.

We're going to a school-friend party next week. Looking forward to seeing how that family is doing it.

At this age, the parents care far more than the kids ever will.

outnumbered · May 2012

ridesbuttons:
I'm keeping the invite list to actual friends capping out at actual age. So, you're turning 5? You get to invite 5 friends.

We're going to a school-friend party next week. Looking forward to seeing how that family is doing it.

At this age, the parents care far more than the kids ever will.

I agree that all the children cannot always get invited. I disgree that kids do not care. My two older children would be very hurt if they found out that almost the entire class was invited and they were excluded.

Worcbride · May 2012

I kept a list of who DD was talking about and then spoke to her teachers; we invited probably half the class.

Ilumine · May 2012

ridesbuttons:
I'm keeping the invite list to actual friends capping out at actual age. So, you're turning 5? You get to invite 5 friends.

We're going to a school-friend party next week. Looking forward to seeing how that family is doing it.

At this age, the parents care far more than the kids ever will.

My DD, at 3 mat certainly knows bad feels bad when her friends do things without her.

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