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June 2012 Moms
Visitors aka "helpers" What are your plans?
My mom has been asking me in some indirect ways when I want her to come "help" me/stay with me. We lived 6 hours away from my parents when we had our DDs, my mom came and stayed with us (in the house) for a week after their births...we had a guest room so it was fine. She helped with cleaning, etc...but mostly just drove me batty...she likes to clean a lot and I'm a clean person but not OCD like her. She isn't much of a cook, so that wasn't really her purpose. She keeps asking me when do I want her to come this time, do I want her to stay with me or get a hotel? I've already told her it'll be best to get a hotel since we don't have a spare room now that we have 3 kids...but I really don't even want her to come stay with me at all. I think it'd be fine for her to visit for a few days, but not a week...and as much as I might want some help cleaning and caring for my other kids, I think she'll just drive me crazy and I'll end up screaming at her.
There is a few days in late June my DH will be going out of state for work so I'm wondering if I should tell her about that and have her plan to come stay with me then.
What are your plans for family/moms/etc coming/staying/helping??
Lionyl Osborne "Lio" is here!
May 23rd 2012 at 2:54am
8lbs 4oz 21inches
Born at 37weeks 6days
DD #1 born 9/3/2003 - 8 years old - 3rd grade!
DD #2 born 3/22/2007 - 5 years old - in full time preschool
DD #1 born 9/3/2003 - 8 years old - 3rd grade!
DD #2 born 3/22/2007 - 5 years old - in full time preschool
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Visitors aka "helpers" What are your plans?
My mom recently offered to take some time off of work to come and help me. She wouldn't be staying here since we have a small apartment and luckily she is local. Since my H cannot take any time off when the baby comes, I'm happy she offered to be here with me at first. We haven't discussed how many days she'll actually take off though.
My godmother is doing the same to me. this is my second child and DH is not working. My aunt lives with us and my in laws live close by. She lives in PA. Needless to say I can't deal with her level of crazy right now. LOL! I love her to pieces, but um no.
As for you, I would have her to come when DH leaves to go out of town. You should be fine until then.
This is my problem. My sister has told me that because mom is going to have to stay in a hotel she feels she won't be much help...but I really don't need her at night. I would want her to be there to help with dinner and taking care of my other kids, not necessarily the baby...he'll be attached to my boob the majority of the day or sleeping....
DD #1 born 9/3/2003 - 8 years old - 3rd grade!
DD #2 born 3/22/2007 - 5 years old - in full time preschool
I'm really lucky in that i can tell my parents or SO's parents to either come over or go away without hurting feelings. Both my parents and his parents are less than 30 minutes away and know they ultimately won't be deprived of time with their grandchild so they don't feel rushed to squeeze it in in a certain time frame.
As for other visitors most people who will visit me know me well enough that they won't take offense if i tell them i need alone time, because sometimes i just needed alone time before i was pregnant too so it's not going to be taken personally on any account. I can't think of anyone who i know that would be more of a burden than a help to me anyways.
My mom is keeping my boys at our house while I'm in the hospital so she'll be here. My c/s is on a friday morning so I'll be released on Monday and she's staying until Friday. Dh is going back to work those 4 days so he can take off the whole week of July 4th but only has to take 4 PTO days. My mom doesn't cook either but she buys the food when she's here so that helps.
I would probably talk to your mom about coming when your dh is out of town. I think that's a good time.
All of our family is an expensive 9 hour flight away so they will be staying with us when they visit. We have a guest room so its not too bad. The only stipulation we gave both sets of parents was that they had to rent their own car.
My inlaws are coming from June 4-14, my EDD is June 7th, so there's no guarantee they'll even be here when baby is born. But thats how they wanted to schedule their trip, so thats that!
My parents and brother and sister will be here June 23 - July 8. Its their first trip to visit us in FL so I know they will be off sightseeing quite a bit was well.
We have really good relationships with our families so hopefully everyone will just help out in any way they can and not overstep too much. Im just hoping for the best.
OP- Many people appreciate the help and support visitors/guests can offer. And they can be helpful. IMO- they need to help cook and clean to give you time to bond with your baby and become accustomed to being a new mom. They don't need to constantly hold the baby so you can tend to the house or play hostess. Personally, I want to be left alone during those first few weeks. But is really just up to you. Good Luck.
Be honest with your mom. I have a similar problem with my IL's who live 1500 miles away are coming into town for a MONTH a week after the baby is born. My husband and I discussed it and they can hang around when he's home from work-but I have found that it becomes more of me playing hostess when they are around.This is there vacation and plan on seeing other relatives in town too.
I know people have the best intentions when they want to stay with you after the baby is born to "help", but unless you ask them to "help" its not really necessary. I have 6YO and have done this before and I want to take care of my kids myself...that's why I had them LOL.
I had to be honest with my IL's and will continually reinforce with them what I am comfortable with. Maybe that would work best with your mom? This should be a happy time, not stressful.
We have had several family members offer to take the week off of work to come stay with me during the day once DH returns to work but I have declined. I know I may regret it once the baby gets here but I feel like I would have to entertain those people at my house all day and I know that is not something that I want to do. Both DH's mother and father said something about taking the week off that she was born so they could come sit at the house with us and we promptly told them no. We live in the same town with all of our immediate family (except for his sister) and know that if we need some help we will be able to pick up the phone and have someone at our house within 15 minutes. So, our plan is DH to take the week off after she is born and then I am on my own once he goes back to work. I feel sure people will drop in during the middle of the day but no one will be staying all day long, thankfully.
My suggestion to you is, why don't you tell your mom you need her help during the days that your husband will be out of state. If you and she are comfortable with it she can stay on the couch or get a hotel room. That way she feels like she is helping you but for your sanity she will only be there those few days.
Im having no "helpers" visit, however my dad is thinking about visiting the first week of July. I don't exactly get why anybody would necessarily need help, but I am a ftm.
My parents are coming in for the baby, although the plans are really up in the air right now. We live in CA; they live in MI. Since I'm due the last week in June, they wanted to get their tickets so the flights didn't 'sell out' for the fourth of July weekend. So I think they are coming in on July 1st. But they made sure they could change the date of their flight if necessary-obviously none of us know when the baby will actually get here and no one wants them just hanging out while I wait to go in to labor. That's very boring and I'm working up right until the end. So I'm hoping Baby comes before July 1st, or that they are easily able to change their ticket if he's late.
I know they have a hotel near us booked-I asked for this as we don't have a guest room and I'll feel terrible having them sleep on the floor for a week. But we've agreed the hotel is a 'baby-free zone', so they can sleep at the house if they want to be by the baby and really don't mind being on the floor of the nursery, or dh could sleep in the hotel room if he needs to go in to work and wants a full night's rest, etc. I want to give them as much time with the baby as possible, as they won't see him again until Sept when I got out there for a few weeks, and then Christmas. But my mom is like a pp's mom-she wants to clean, cook, etc. I'm very lucky that she's not pushy about any of this. I just need to figure out how to make her feel as included as possible-this is her first grandchild, and she is SO excited. I don't want her to feel like she's dying to hold the baby, be a part of it, etc and can't be. I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing her and dad interact with the baby.
Running Blog
DS birthday is June 1. My parents will be coming out and staying for his birthday. My dad will drive the 3 hours back and forth on the weekends so that he can work until I deliver. (they live 7 hours away, my brother lives 3 hours away and is located at my dad's business so he can go work there).
After the baby is born my dad will stay about 3 days and then my mom will stay for about a month. She does laundry, cooks, cleans and takes care of DS. It's awesome, if she could stay forever I would let her. haha.