Preemies
LittleD8081
member
*Punky917*
LittleD8081
member
in Preemies
I'm thinking about you today. If you are feeling up to it, can you give me an update on how you are doing (both emotionally and physically)? Also, I want to make sure I'm listing you in the proper place on the check in. Where would you like to be listed?
Prayers and hugs for you today.
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Re: *Punky917*
Thanks so much for your t&p's for me! I have been in a cloud for the past week. I am not really sure how I feel right now, it's been a roller coaster of emotions. In first pregnancy, it was textbook until pPROM at 24 weeks (held on until 26). So then I started worrying about having another preemie. Now, I also have to worry about heartbeats stopping and showing no signs of m/c whatsoever.
Surgery was supposed to be at 1:45PM, but ORs were backed up so I understood and just tried to stay calm and patient. Did not see OB and anesthesiologist until after 3PM, but I was happy to finally get it over with. OB then had a call and said that her patient who had been in labor is now ready to deliver. Another OB had to do my D&C because my regular doctor had to deliver what I am assuming a happy and healthy full term baby. To make matters worse, I am pretty sure that the one who did it was the one in the ER when I was admitted with pPROM who told me, "If you have your baby now, it will die."
I go back and forth from feeling like I can move on right away to just bursting out in tears. Putting me in the TTC category is perfectly fine. OB said to wait 2 cycles to TTC again and I have agreed to that. I told DH that if this happens again, I am done. We have Noah and I am so very thankful that we have him. I would just be really sad if we can't give him a sibling. Again, thanks for your concern. I truly appreciate it!
Wow, I'm so sorry that you went through that yesterday. I wish I had some words of comfort for you, but I think that anything anyone says is not enough.
Although you will worry with another pregnancy, you have to know that every pregnancy (healthy or not) is truly a test of faith. There is so much that is unknown, and so much that is unexplainable. I think that everyone has their own reasons for wanting or not wanting another child. Be true to what you know that you can handle. But, my best advice to you is that if you would ever look back and regret some decision that you made, then you should make a different decision. I know that this is all very vague, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that the stinging is happening right now and in a few months you may not feel so confused and scared. Instead, you may have an overwhelming feeling one way or the other, and then you'll know what to do. Don't make a decision about the future until you've given your present a fair processing period. Don't say that you can't go through this if it happens again...because you just might feel differently if you let yourself. I think that you need to allow yourself time to grieve this pregnancy appropriately. I don't think that you should try to get over it quickly and move on. If you do, then you will have unresolved feelings and they will certainly come up again in ways that are more debilitating. Look at Noah...if someone told you that you would have a preemie again, but you would get to feel all the things you feel for Noah again, too...what would you do? It's a tough question. I know. But, luckily, you don't have to make that decision right now. You have to have faith that what is meant to be for your family will be. Just get through today, and if you need to cry today, then do it. Don't hold it in. It won't change your situation, but it will make you feel better.
I hope this helps in some way. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Don't be a stranger on the check in's. I want to keep some tabs on you.
You are right. The decision for me to not have another one after Noah was driven by fear, anger, and resentment. It almost destroyed my marriage (luckily, he doesn't give up that easily). I have always been a runner as far as problems go. I figure if I don't put myself in the same situation again, I will be free from hurt.
I am very thankful for this board and the loss board that complete strangers are being so supportive and understanding of everything that I am feeling. Thanks again for everything and I will make sure to be more aware and deal with emotions instead of running. My family deserves better than that.