What is your line?

alijanepot · May 2012

When I first chatted with my RE, he told me that my DH and I really needed to discuss our "line" as far as treatment and how we are starting a family goes. I realize everyone has their own comfort zone, but I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their "line" that they won't cross to achieve a family.

I hope this isn't too bold of a question.

MsGMChick · May 2012

We did 4 IUIs and will do 6 IVFs (3 fresh, 3 frozen).

As much as I think that will be our line, I don't know. If we get to the end of those 6 IVFs and find something with a fix, I can't say we wouldn't do more frozen cycles with the eggs we have left.

Ms H13 · May 2012

The limit for us will most likely be determined by emotional well-being and financial reserves. I'm not sure how far those will get us, but I know that if we had set a limit on number of tries it would make it much harder for me anxiety-wise - I would feel like every cycle that didn't work was a nail in the coffin for my dream of being a mom. (sorry, a little harsh, don't know how else to put it) Knowing our treatment plan is always flexible and up for discussion with DH has had a calming effect for me.

MJ14323 · May 2012

Ms H13:
The limit for us will most likely be determined by emotional well-being and financial reserves. .

This. We've made it a point not to talk about how far we will go because who knows where we will be emotionally and financially. Some days I think I will do whatever it takes and others I just don't know. It's difficult for me to think where my 'line' is because I have no idea how I will feel 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now.

lovelainie · May 2012

We'll do as many IUI's as are emotionally and financially feasible. We will probably not ever do IVF, but it's hard to say how we'll feel about that if, in a year, we're still not KU.

jschwind22 · May 2012

This is a hot topic of conversation in our household, after our RE recommended IVF yesterday as our first treatment. DH and I are on totally different pages. DH is against any kind of treatment right now, but he is still reacting to a surprise MFI diagnosis yesterday after we thought everything was fine after a urologist visit. Right now, I would do multiple IVF cycles to try to achieve pregnancy. I have also been ready for a baby for much longer than DH, so I think his willingness to do treatments will likely change over time. It's also hard to say since we are so new to the treatment process, I can imagine that our "lines" would change over time.

notquiteblushing · May 2012

We've never had the official conversation but I'm fairly certain neither of us are interested in donor eggs, sperms or embryos. Parenthood is definitely our goal but I don't really have the urge to experience pregnancy that much so if it ever came to that I would try and make my husband reconsider adoption.

I don't really have any indication that we'll need to go there but I guess it's good to talk about it. Our plan right now is to keep on keeping on until our insurance runs out. So really just 4 more cycles and then reevalulate/break to save money.

LyssRob · May 2012

It is not a hard line, because we are new to starting treatments, but at this point I think I am only interested in having a biological child.

HOWEVER, if I got past IVF and things weren't working, I would possibly reconsider that...

(Hubby is more open to adoption than I am, if you are curious, so I could see myself opening up to the idea. I really don't think I would go donor sperm/egg route ever though. I respect all families who DO choose these options, just don't know if they are right for me.)

alijanepot · May 2012

My DH and I have both left all options open, but we've discussed our opinions in depth. We are only on our first IUI in our journey, but we both are willing to do as many IUI's and IVF's as our budget and emotions will allow. We both are very open with our communication about it, so I know things could change the further we get.

LollipopsAndCrisps · May 2012

Ms H13:
The limit for us will most likely be determined by emotional well-being and financial reserves.

I couldn't have said this better myself.

DH and I have not yet discussed our "line", but are both totally on board with IVF if it becomes apparent that it is what we'll need. We've discussed adoption as a sort of last-ditch effort, though I'm not sure what will happen if we get to that point.

IF really freaks me out if I think about it in terms of everything, so we've been taking everything one decision at a time. One day at a time is sometimes all I can handle.

We'll cross those bridges once we get to them, I suppose.

twistsandturnsto2 · May 2012

We are just taking everything one cycle at a time. We have talked about if we are both comfortable with IVF, but we also know that we are limited by financial reasons, as we are OOP for almost all of any sort of treatment. If multiple IUI's don't work, we would definately have to take a while and decide how we feel about moving forward to IVF depending on where we are financially.

At some point there is a physical and emotional toll everyone has to consider for themselves, too.

kimmyb1020 · May 2012

notquiteblushing:
We've never had the official conversation but I'm fairly certain neither of us are interested in donor eggs, sperms or embryos. Parenthood is definitely our goal but I don't really have the urge to experience pregnancy that much so if it ever came to that I would try and make my husband reconsider adoption.

I don't really have any indication that we'll need to go there but I guess it's good to talk about it. Our plan right now is to keep on keeping on until our insurance runs out. So really just 4 more cycles and then reevalulate/break to save money.

Same here. We have had the conversation and we are not interested in donor eggs or sperm. If we can't have a baby that is both of ours then we will adopt. DH is more on board with adoption than me at this point, but I'm working on getting there if the time comes. Since we are entirely OOP IVF is out of reach for us. Even if I was gifted $20,000 I would have a hard time paying that for something that may not work. So we'll see! We'll give IUI a try for a while a reevaluate after that.

Suz+Mo · May 2012

This is a very personal decision (and one we agonize over!)

We will not use donor sperm, donor eggs, donor embryo or a gestational carrier. If we got to that point, I think we would pursue adoption as a means to grow our family.

We still have not decided if IVF would be something we could do. We have one doctor who says it would be too risky for me with my von willebrand's disease, but my RE insists that I would be fine. So if we get to that point, we are going to get a second opinion (and maybe a third opinion) about the risks associated with a person like me doing IVF.

Honestly, at this point I hope we never have to find out!

KdgTeacher · May 2012

Our "line" has been more of a compromise/break type thing.

We did treatments from Sept-April and none worked. We've taken a break since then to pursue adoption. IF we're not matched with a baby by Nov, then we'll undergo IVF (at least once, but it'll depending on "package" prices" with my RE). If we ARE matched with a baby by Nov, then we'll hold off on IVF until Nov 2013. Basically, I told MH I want at least 1 shot of doing EVERYTHING to have a bio child.

amh612 · May 2012

Ms H13:
The limit for us will most likely be determined by emotional well-being and financial reserves. I'm not sure how far those will get us, but I know that if we had set a limit on number of tries it would make it much harder for me anxiety-wise - I would feel like every cycle that didn't work was a nail in the coffin for my dream of being a mom. (sorry, a little harsh, don't know how else to put it) Knowing our treatment plan is always flexible and up for discussion with DH has had a calming effect for me.

This exactly!

brookelynpaisley · May 2012

Even before testing, we agreed we wouldn't go beyond IUI and we wouldn't ever consider DS or DE. I don't remember if we agreed on a number of IUIs that we'd do, but 3 is sticking out in my mind for some reason. When it came right down to it, on top of the mix of issues, we pretty much decided we weren't that open to IUI, either.

mrskitton · May 2012

We will probably do the 3 fresh IVF and 3 frozen attempts. If it does not work in 6 tries, I am not sure if we would pay for more attempts. I would like to think we would, so I supposed I don't draw any lines at this point!

LtlAngL · May 2012

We agreed that we would do as many IUIs and IVFs as financially feasible, as long as the doctors give us some hope that it may work. We would never do DE or DS, but would adopt if we had to make that decision.

Native+Girl · May 2012

IUI is our last stop in trying for a biological child. If none of them work, and we've set a soft limit of 6, then we'll move on to infant domestic adoption. No IVF, donor anything, or gestational carriers.

DH isn't comfortable with IVF, and I'm still struggling with how I feel about it too so we've taken it off the table. Adoption is something I never thought I could do when I was younger, but I definitely feel my heart pulling me that direction now, some days even more so than treatments.

schnena77 · May 2012

MJ14323:
Ms H13:
The limit for us will most likely be determined by emotional well-being and financial reserves. .

This. We've made it a point not to talk about how far we will go because who knows where we will be emotionally and financially. Some days I think I will do whatever it takes and others I just don't know. It's difficult for me to think where my 'line' is because I have no idea how I will feel 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now.

All of this. Not sure what my limit is as changes a lot.

janabc · May 2012

Mine changes daily. I used to think I wouldn't do IVF but now I think i would. At this point I don't think we would use a donor egg or sperm.

imwithrebel · May 2012

We both want to do whatever it takes. The pregnancy is most important to me, while the genetics are most important to DH. DE is an option though we're far from that point. DS is unlikely to be an issue for us because we don't have MFI, but DH would be willing if that would allow me to experience pregnancy as opposed to neither of us getting what's most important to us. Surrogacy is what I struggle with most - I'm not sure that I could handle watching another woman being pregnant even though it would be our child. It's not off the table, but I think at that point we would likely move on to adoption.

I just hope we all have our happy endings before we reach these lines.

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