How would bullying be dealt with at your school?

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

Yesterday DS1 was beat up on the playground by at least 2-3 boys at the same time. Kicking and punching. DS was on the ground just taking it not knowing what to do. It was vicious and mean and the teacher that split it up confirmed that. I was not called after and I am upset about that. The boys parents were called and they had to sit on a bench for rest of the recess which was 20 min. I am very shaken that this happened with a bunch of 4 year olds. I am concerned about what is happening in their home that they have learned this behavior already, but that is another issue for another time. The director also handled this wrong which would take a long time to explain, but the gist is she was there when it happened, but was talking to a teacher in the other part of the playground. When I asked her about it she claimed she didn't know about it. The main teacher was changing a child that had an accident. That teacher came back and literally jumped in between and broke it apart.

I have requested that the parents and child write DS an apology letter tonight. I want the parents involved so they can't just brush it off.

I have requested that they insert the bullying lesson plan next week.

I have requested that one of the children be put on alert that they could get kicked out since he has been an issue for awhile.

I have requested another teacher be added to the room. Right now there is one and are at the max ratio.

I also said that if something like this happens again the child should be sent home for the rest of the day.

I am thinking of calling corporate mainly because of how the director handled the situation. She obviously was trying to remove herself from it and have no responsibility even though she was the one that should have been watching them. I don't want it to come back on my children that I got her in trouble. Their teachers are amazing, but the director I would kind of like to kick in the shines.

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

and this is a post and run because I have to take the boys on some errands. I will be back later.

KathrynMD · May 2012

I'd be pretty furious and I'd call the corporate office.

They need to #1 figure out what triggered that situation and #2 shadow the boys involved for at least a week. Clearly there was a lapse in supervision.

DD's school follows a Peacemaker curriculum so the anti-bullying is already built in. They regularly talk about fairness, equality, kindness, etc.

June2007 · May 2012

How awful! Obviously kids get rough but this sounds over the top bad!

I am very concerned that the center is ok with the teacher being at the max ratio. I am a preschool teacher and it doesn't matter what the state ratios say, any amount of kids with less than 2 teachers is HARD. It no good for anyone involved.Many schools try to get by with as few teachers as possible and its a big problem. The teachers are most likely being stretched so thin in that situation and again, this is bad for everyone.

I think your requests are all fair and I would address the ratio issue with the corporate office.

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

Thanks ladies. I am thinking of pulling them all together now. I am trying to not make an emotional decision, but I don't think this is possible in this situation. DS1 is very timid and I worry about transition, but he starts 4K in the fall so he will have to get used it.

AgrippaRidesAgain · May 2012

I'm so sorry. :-(

I don't have a lot to address as far as what the school did, because the others seem to have done a good job. However, what have you done as far as your DS and sticking up for himself goes? I'm only asking because we've also been having problems with DS just taking hits from other kids without saying anything or trying to get away.

We've done lots of practice with saying, "Stop! Leave me alone!" in a loud voice and going to get help. He thinks it's fun to play pretend and do it, but it hasn't stuck as far as real life goes yet.

CMM05 · May 2012

I agree that these boys need to be shadowed and that there needs to be more supervision on the playground.

Any good center/school, knows that most bullying/harassment issues take place during the "un-supervised" times (i.e. hallway passing, recess, lunch, etc). They should always have more help during those times.

I would be MORTIFIED if my child was the one kicking. I hope that these parents write the letter, but it saddens me that you have to be the one to ask for that.

In a public school setting.......starting at the elementary level, this type of behavior would be grounds for out of school suspension (yes, even a Kindergartner can be suspended).

However, most day cares/private preschools do not "suspend" students....unfortunately.

I agree that the better solution would have been to send them home for the rest of the day.

Something similar happened with some girls in DS1's pre-k class. Three of them were having a playdate and 2 of the girls began kicking and hitting the 3rd girl at the same time. The mother who was hosting the playdate caught them in the act and she immediately called the mom and apologized.....BUT, what she did not do was send the other friend home (the one who was assisting her daughter in the kicking/pushing) and that PISSED me off! It that happened in my home, all of the kids would be sent home immediately.

Very scary to see/hear what these young kids are doing

shellybird101 · May 2012

I feel bad for your son, I truly do but I have a couple questions.

1. How many children were outside at the time this happened? If there was alot of children(within ratio) there are alot of bodies at a time for 1 set of eyes to keep track of at once. You, yourself could be looking in one directon and in the other directon something takes place, she is only HUMAN!

2.Were the children within eyesight. Was there no slides or other equipment in the view of the children that could have been blocking the sight of the director? She is only HUMAN!

3.How did long was this incident. Was it seconds, longer? It not like the teachers or director knew that they were going to do this till it happened. We are only HUMANS! It could have started the moment the teacher walked back.

4. Why did it start. Was it rough play that went further than it should have? What would have made the children do this? Was this question asked to the children that did it. I would also not blame the childrens homelife. My DD is a sweet caring child and the other day at daycare she told another child that she was going to flush her down the toilet. I know that I have never said this, but she was mad at that moment and said whatever came out of her 4 yr old mouth.

Like I said I feel horrible that this has happened to your DS, and I feel that if you are that upset then maybe you should call corprate or discuss it more with the director. As a daycare teacher myself I have been BLAMED for many things that I could not control. Children can sometime be diffucult, you do not know what they are going to say or do but we try are hardest, we are only HUMAN. I have said this many time I would love my job more without State and Parents, sometimes they make the job hard. But I have to say I love my job and would not change it for anything. Once again I am sorry that this has happened to your DS and I know that I would be upset if this had happened to my child, but step back and before pointing fingers at the teachers and directors put your feet in their shoes. Happy Teaher's Appreciation Week. GL with what ever happens.

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

Daycare with a pre-school program. The director did finally admit she was not paying attention to the class. My understanding is he was just sitting there and they can up to him and did it. It was almost all the boys in the class that were watching so it was a group. It lasted for at least 5 min.

we have decided to pull him. He could have really gotten hurt and I am really mad that the director tried to say she didn't even know there was an incident and she was the one in charge at the time. No report, no phone call and when I ask directly she said "I didn't know anything happened".

LoCarb · May 2012

Brewtowngrl:
Daycare with a pre-school program. The director did finally admit she was not paying attention to the class. My understanding is he was just sitting there and they can up to him and did it. It was almost all the boys in the class that were watching so it was a group. It lasted for at least 5 min.

we have decided to pull him. He could have really gotten hurt and I am really mad that the director tried to say she didn't even know there was an incident and she was the one in charge at the time. No report, no phone call and when I ask directly she said "I didn't know anything happened".

First, that is awful and I can't believe there is bullying at such a young age. Or I should say it's hard to cope with. Second, what you wrote in bold is inexcusable. You decided to pull him? As in leave the DC for another center? I would definitely contact corporate and notify them of the incident.

ETA: I have no idea how bullying is dealt w/ at our school. This is a good question I need to research.

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

kcarbonell:
Brewtowngrl:
Daycare with a pre-school program. The director did finally admit she was not paying attention to the class. My understanding is he was just sitting there and they can up to him and did it. It was almost all the boys in the class that were watching so it was a group. It lasted for at least 5 min.

we have decided to pull him. He could have really gotten hurt and I am really mad that the director tried to say she didn't even know there was an incident and she was the one in charge at the time. No report, no phone call and when I ask directly she said "I didn't know anything happened".
First, that is awful and I can't believe there is bullying at such a young age. Or I should say it's hard to cope with. Second, what you wrote in bold is inexcusable. You decided to pull him? As in leave the DC for another center? I would definitely contact corporate and notify them of the incident.
ETA: I have no idea how bullying is dealt w/ at our school. This is a good question I need to research.

Yes we are taking him out and going to a new place. I took the kids to a few today and DS1 wants to see my top pick again. He asked to go tomorrow and check it out. I will contact corporate on Friday. I have already pre-paid the month and I have paid for the summer camp program they offer so on top of dealing with the director I need to address that.

June2007 · May 2012

shellybird101:
I feel bad for your son, I truly do but I have a couple questions.

1. How many children were outside at the time this happened? If there was alot of children(within ratio) there are alot of bodies at a time for 1 set of eyes to keep track of at once. You, yourself could be looking in one directon and in the other directon something takes place, she is only HUMAN!

2.Were the children within eyesight. Was there no slides or other equipment in the view of the children that could have been blocking the sight of the director? She is only HUMAN!

3.How did long was this incident. Was it seconds, longer? It not like the teachers or director knew that they were going to do this till it happened. We are only HUMANS! It could have started the moment the teacher walked back.

4. Why did it start. Was it rough play that went further than it should have? What would have made the children do this? Was this question asked to the children that did it. I would also not blame the childrens homelife. My DD is a sweet caring child and the other day at daycare she told another child that she was going to flush her down the toilet. I know that I have never said this, but she was mad at that moment and said whatever came out of her 4 yr old mouth.

Like I said I feel horrible that this has happened to your DS, and I feel that if you are that upset then maybe you should call corprate or discuss it more with the director. As a daycare teacher myself I have been BLAMED for many things that I could not control. Children can sometime be diffucult, you do not know what they are going to say or do but we try are hardest, we are only HUMAN. I have said this many time I would love my job more without State and Parents, sometimes they make the job hard. But I have to say I love my job and would not change it for anything. Once again I am sorry that this has happened to your DS and I know that I would be upset if this had happened to my child, but step back and before pointing fingers at the teachers and directors put your feet in their shoes. Happy Teaher's Appreciation Week. GL with what ever happens.

I don't feel like shes blaming the teacher really. The director has some fault in this from any perspective and handled the whole incident wrong. I am also a preschool teacher and I see the main problem as the issue of having just one teacher. Even if it's in ratio per the state, those guidelines should be the limit, not the every day goal. You know that one teacher can not possibly accurately supervise and teach a group of (15-20 depending on your state/ age range for his class)4 year olds by herself. A day becomes nothing more than child management rather than a rewarding learning experience for the kids. That is my main issue here and any center that is ok with putting all of that on one teacher is not one I would prefer for my kids. Or one I would like to work at!

Brewtown: I hope you find a new place that you like!

jlw2505 · May 2012

Wow - I am shocked at so much of what is written here. At my daycare center (A chain like yours that becomes preschool) there are always at least 2 teachers on the playground and often more. I know the ratios in my state are 1 teacher per 10 kids at the preschool level but my center always has more staff outside and if a child needs to go to the potty and there are only 2 teachers outside, a management staff member is called or they open the door to the classroom and watch the child go into the potty themself so that they still have 2 teachers outside. The teachers have to be walking around the play ground and not just standing by the door chatting. It does get hard and when the kids are on the playground stuff, it can be hard to see everything but they try very hard to keep a good eye on all the kids. I would be calling corp simply based on how the director handled the situation - you should have been called ASAP to be told what had happened and it should have all been written up, signed off on by the teacher, the director and you.

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

shellybird101:
I feel bad for your son, I truly do but I have a couple questions.

1. How many children were outside at the time this happened? If there was alot of children(within ratio) there are alot of bodies at a time for 1 set of eyes to keep track of at once. You, yourself could be looking in one directon and in the other directon something takes place, she is only HUMAN!

2.Were the children within eyesight. Was there no slides or other equipment in the view of the children that could have been blocking the sight of the director? She is only HUMAN!

3.How did long was this incident. Was it seconds, longer? It not like the teachers or director knew that they were going to do this till it happened. We are only HUMANS! It could have started the moment the teacher walked back.

4. Why did it start. Was it rough play that went further than it should have? What would have made the children do this? Was this question asked to the children that did it. I would also not blame the childrens homelife. My DD is a sweet caring child and the other day at daycare she told another child that she was going to flush her down the toilet. I know that I have never said this, but she was mad at that moment and said whatever came out of her 4 yr old mouth.

Like I said I feel horrible that this has happened to your DS, and I feel that if you are that upset then maybe you should call corprate or discuss it more with the director. As a daycare teacher myself I have been BLAMED for many things that I could not control. Children can sometime be diffucult, you do not know what they are going to say or do but we try are hardest, we are only HUMAN. I have said this many time I would love my job more without State and Parents, sometimes they make the job hard. But I have to say I love my job and would not change it for anything. Once again I am sorry that this has happened to your DS and I know that I would be upset if this had happened to my child, but step back and before pointing fingers at the teachers and directors put your feet in their shoes. Happy Teaher's Appreciation Week. GL with what ever happens.

I realize kids get rough especially boys. I have 2. This was really beating him up while my DS was on the ground taking it (closed fists and kicking) and the director tried to pretend it didn't happen because it was on her watch. He has bruises. No report, no call, and then deny it even happened. I went in and talked to the teacher that broke it up today and she was crying that it happened. She said in all her years she has never seen something like this happen with young children. I am pretty laid back as a parent and understand stuff happens, but how it was dealt with was not OK.

AZ123 · May 2012

That just made me get the chills to read that happened to your baby Boy! I'm so sorry! I couldn't, in good consious, keep my child in a facility like that. I wouldn't be able to sleep and I would question every mark he came home with. I think it is a smart move to switch schools.

I think at the new school you should tell the director and teacher what happened at his last school and see what they recommend in helping him transition given his shy personality (i.e. if he can be paired with a buddy).

Brewtowngrl · May 2012

update: They only go Tues/Thurs so today I went and picked up their stuff and told them we would not be back. Corporate already called me and asked why we were leaving. I told him the story and said I would not be paying for the 2 week notice period and that my child was to afraid to attend. So far they sound like they are cooperating and will issue a refund as I pay monthly. I enrolled them in a center we looked at a few years ago. They were brand new at the time and I wasn't comfortable with them because they were not fully stocked with equipment and toys. They have good reviews and a good friend recommended them. We spent a few hours there today sitting in classes. I am a little worried since this was a quick decision, but the kids seam really nice and not nearly as out of control. I have guilt that I send them to the previous place. I had small issues with them, but what center is perfect. I kept on just dealing with the issues and hoped for the best. They start the new center next week. Thanks for all the support and advise.

How would bullying be dealt with at your school?

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