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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Its been almost 6 months, why is this happening?
So I shared about 5.5 months ago that I had my first miscarriage. I'm 19 years old and a mother of a 3 year old little girl. I found out in October 2011 that I was pregnant with my 2nd child. My boyfriend and I had broke up a couple days before I found out. We heard the little heartbeat for the first time on 11-7-11. It was AMAZING. Three days later I started having light bleeding and was very emotional. Crying for absolutely no reason at all. At this point I was about 9 weeks (by my last period) I went into the Doctor and the performed an ultrasound and I was devastated to hear that they couldn't find the heartbeat and I was measuring at 5 weeks 3 days. It tore me apart to be honest. I laid on the couch for a good 2 days and sent my daughter, niece, and nephew (who I had custody of at the time) out of town to my aunts. I just cried. I officially lost my baby a day after I was told the heartbeat was no longer there. So 11-11-11 I was officially no longer expecting.
I guess my point of this post is to vent on how hard it is to deal with this and with it being almost 6 months later I still feel empty. Ever since November everyone has either found out their pregnant, found out its a boy/girl, or had their babies. Its like a constant reminder!! And to top it all off..... I work at an in-home daycare and my bosses daughter (who is hear EVERY SINGLE DAY because she lives here) found out she was pregnant. Shes 5 weeks 3 days. (How far along the Doctors told me I was when I lost my baby) And they sat here in front of me all giggly, smiley talking about baby cribs, dressers, clothes, twins, heartbeats. I literally lost it and balled my eyes out. You'd think they would have shut up. I had to go to a different room. I mean I may sound selfish, but they shouldn't sit and brag about it in front of me. Maybe I should get over it, but I can't. It really hasn't gotten any easier. Why is this happening to me? Is God punishing me for something or what?
Oh yeah, my "cousin" who was pregnant with twins got an abortion about 2.5 months ago and is now pregnant AGAIN! Another slap in the face to me.. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Its been almost 6 months, why is this happening?
Just had my first miscarriage about a month ago so I know a little bit about how you're feeling...my SIL just had a baby and several close friends are also expecting. Still struggling a lot too. DH gave me good advice which is that a miscarriage is like a gaping wound that starts to heal but occasionally gets ripped open and has to start healing all over again. The good news is that this awful bit is as bad as it will get and it will eventually begin to improve.
I'm sorry if this sounds cliche but it's helped me a little bit knowing that this awful pain is the worst it will ever be and each day is the only one you have to get through. Hopefully it helps you some. I don't know why we lost our babies or why people who seem so undeserving of them continue to procreate so easily but it WILL get better eventually. Just have to hang in there. I'm so sorry for your loss though. I know it's terrible.
Wifeofaussie--
Wow your DH sounds like a wonderful man! That is an excellent analogy. I needed to hear that today. And yes, living one day at a time and just making it through those 24 hours is all we can do.
<<hugs>> to all on this board!
** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29
***All AL always welcome***
**Caution- Ticker below**
I hear ya! People think it's just a couple weeks, then they pretend it never happened. It took me 6 months before I could even bear the emotional roller coaster of being intimate with my husband again, let alone TTC... You really just need to do whatever you need to do. If it's leaving the room, then do it. There is no reason to "pretend" that you're ok, if you're not. You are allowed to be upset about a loss.