- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 6 - 9 Months
PansyPants
member
Worried about nighttime
PansyPants
member
Last night my husband decided to start sleep training our son and I feel like such an awful mother. I slept through the whole thing.
Our son has literally slept through the night once in seven months. Most nights he wakes up 4-9 times and either needs to be given his pacifier by my husband or nursed by me. Well, apparently last night was our breaking point. I fell asleep and even though the monitor is right next to the bed, I didn't wake up until 4 am when my husband told me to go nurse DS.
Now I'm feeling awful and worried that letting him cry without reassurance will result in him not trusting us.
My husbands plan is to put him to bed like usual (he goes to bed very easily) and then when he wakes up go in and give him a pacifier but if he doesn't take it or fusses again within a few minutes, to let him work it out on his own. This apparently resulted in two hours of crying last night with my husband going in every 30 minutes. DH says that going in actually made the baby cry more so he's considering not going in tonight.
Honestly, we haven't read any CIO books and are completely winging it. I'd love to hear feedback about what others have done and ways that this plan could be modified to minimize the trauma to everyone involved.
The thing is, we have to start sleeping more, I can't go on like it has been.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Worried about nighttime
First, I'm glad to hear that you got some sleep last night! From what you've said it sounds like you've probably been exhausted for a long time now!
In my house we had a breaking point too. We chose to go with the Ferber method for DD about a month ago & things improved dramatically since then. I did not read any books but did some research online. I even posted on the bump the first night for some support while DD cried it out (I'm forever grateful to the mom's who told me it would be worth it - because it is!)
Your son will learn to fall asleep on his own, if you help him. Just pick a plan & stick to it. As for the trust issues, I was nervous too. I thought DD would be mad at me in the morning. But she was the same sweet little girl she's always been! I think it's about expectations. You need to reset them for yourself & LO. Change is difficult for everyone - babies included. But this can be a good change & it sounds like it's necessary for your family.
Good luck tonight and stay strong - it's worth it!
Jonah Stephen born at 39w on 11/3/2011 Naomi Isabel born at 37w 5d on 5/27/2013
Doing check-ins makes my son cry harder too. We did CIO and it worked for a week, then he cut two teeth and got sick right after. I didn't realize that every time something changes with your kid (teeth, milestone, separation anxiety, cold), you have to start back from scratch. One time was bad enough for us! DS still wakes about 5 or more times every night, but it beats night after night of 2+ hours of crying.
We may try again when we feel he is ready and after some more teeth have come out! :-)
My understanding of CIO (and what we did with my son) was to put them down, and once they start crying to wait a few minutes, go in, be all calm and reassuring, stay for 30 seconds to a minute, and then leave again, even if it makes them cry REALLY HARD. Then wait 2 minutes, repeat. Gradually lengthen it out so that you're only going in every 10-15 minutes (but you've built up to this, remember.) From what I've read AND experienced myself, the first night is around an hour of this (at bedtime) the 2nd night is the worst (1 hour 15min or so) and the 3rd night gets better (45 min.) Each night should improve after that. With my son, by the 4th night it was tear-free.
Not to make you feel bad AT ALL, but CIO is not leaving your child to cry on their own, Ferber never intended that parents do that. It's to go in as often as you're comfortable with, comfort your child WITHOUT picking them up, and go, letting them know you'll come back, so that they have the confidence they need to just relax and go to sleep. I'd recommend helping your child figure out how to put the soother in on their own (practice during the day maybe?) or getting rid of it entirely, because if they can't do that, then you might fall into the trap of going in multiple times in the night just to replace the soother (we're in the trap with my daughter right now, and will be crying it out as soon as we move to an apartment where she has her OWN ROOM!
)
Hope this helps!