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May 2012 Moms
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venting about life...

fryratfryrat member
in May 2012 Moms
So DH only gets to be home a couple days at a time because of his job. As we are on the way back from the airport tonight, MIL calls to tell him that his BIL committed suicide. Sucks, I know. So we ride home in complete shock. Just a little bit ago, MIL calls again. I didn't ask, but it sounded like she was asking him to come to be with the family. We are several states away. I think everyone knows I can't travel, being 3 weeks away from due date. But they are asking him to take time away from his wife, what little time he gets, to go to sit with his family. He wouldn't even be able to go to a funeral because of his schedule. DH is already concerned about not being here when I go into labor, and he is now being torn between me and his mother/sister. Yeah, it sucks, but they do not have a brain on their shoulders right now. I'm afraid of going thru this alone as it is, and if he goes there, I will be spending the next 2 weeks by myself. I'm gonna go back to crying. Maybe my hormones have magical powers. Thanks for letting e get that out.
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Re: venting about life...

  • NatPhoto09NatPhoto09 member
    what a tough situation.  I'm so sorry for your hubby's family.  I think it is not that unreasonable for his family to want him near the them during this tragedy.  Maybe he can visit just for a few days and then be back to be with you while you wait to go into labor. 
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  • summerchick128@aol.comsummerchick128@aol.com member
    I'm so sorry to hear that,  both ends of the spectrum. It must be horriable to lose a family member in that way and be torn . BUT on the otherhand I absolutley can understand what you are going through. At 40 weeks I am so paranoid about DH going anywhere else but to work and back in fear of going into labor by myself. While I know you can't compare going to the store or a 20 min drive vs. what you must feel - I still understand the fear of just going through anything alone. I hope your husband can understand you are only 3 weeks away and that you really really need him right now. And if for some reason he still goes , maybe you can have a friend or someone stay with you if no other family is around. You and DH are in my prayers.
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  • LER091811LER091811 member

    Ahh.. you aren't going to like this but I think you are letting your hormones run your thinking a little too much here. And I'm not judging you, because it happens to me all the time!

    Seriously though, you say your MIL and SIL don't have a brain on their shoulders right now, and I'm sure you are right in saying that because they are going through an unimaginable loss. I think it would be appropriate for your husband to go and be with his sister in this time, if that's what he wanted to do, and if you were able to find it in yourself to allow it. The chances of you going into labor on the day or two he'd be gone are slim. 

    Of course it's your decision but please try to have a little perspective on what they are going through vs what you are going through. The loss of a spouse to suicide is really unimaginable. Maybe you guys could brainstorm ways you can support your SIL even if you can't be there.

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  • bellelambbellelamb member
    imageLER091811:

    Ahh.. you aren't going to like this but I think you are letting your hormones run your thinking a little too much here. And I'm not judging you, because it happens to me all the time!

    Seriously though, you say your MIL and SIL don't have a brain on their shoulders right now, and I'm sure you are right in saying that because they are going through an unimaginable loss. I think it would be appropriate for your husband to go and be with his sister in this time, if that's what he wanted to do, and if you were able to find it in yourself to allow it. The chances of you going into labor on the day or two he'd be gone are slim. 

    Of course it's your decision but please try to have a little perspective on what they are going through vs what you are going through. The loss of a spouse to suicide is really unimaginable. Maybe you guys could brainstorm ways you can support your SIL even if you can't be there.

     

    All of this plus there is the very real possibility it will still be four weeks before you go into labor and then you may very much regret not allowing your husband to be there for his family during this awful time. 

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  • MrsWPMrsWP member
    I understand what your saying though...  I'm sure his family wants him to be there during this time but this is one of the most exciting and scariest times of your life!  People treat labor like its no big deal but your body is going through a traumatic experience and you can not control when or how that will happen.   Honestly, (and God forbid) but you could also have something terrible happen to you when in labor and I'm sure your DH would never forgive himself if he wasn't there for it - even if its just a routine labor.
    Your BIL made a very selfish decision (although I'm sure he was not in his right mind when it happened) and you're the one that has to pay for it. 
    What does your DH want to do? 

    Good luck to you and DH in  making your decision and I want you to know that you will be in my prayers!
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