Should DH come to first appointment?

kdalessandro · May 2012

Hi Ladies - I was wondering if you could tell me what the "norm" is for whether your husbands/sig others go to the first prenatal appointment with you? Mine is scheduled for when I'll be 9 weeks, so I wasn't sure how much we'd see on the screen (heartbeat flicker?) or would we actually hear the heartbeat? I know DH doesn't necessarily need to see the pap exam or when they draw blood (he doesn't do needles), but is it worth it for him to be there to ask questions or hear the answers to the ones I ask? Or do you think it would be completely boring? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

6fsn · May 2012

I'd call and ask what all they will be doing at the appt. Then talk to your husband about if he wants to go. I'd venture that he'll want to hear some info and ask some questions. I'd also venture that he'd love to hear or see anything with the baby.

My husband goes to the first appt, the 20 wk u/s. If I need to do NSTs he watches kids so I don't have to drag them.

nikipau144 · May 2012

DH came to my first with DD, however couldn't make it to my appts so far this time around due to work. If you want DH to join, and he can, then go for it. Whenever DH came, the OB didn't think twice about it. It's fine.

momma2be1990 · May 2012

when i had my first son his dad came to the first one, mind u he stayed in the room when they did a pap smear..little awkward but it need to be done...my bf now ( we are later separated) are having a baby and he works like 70 hours a week so most likely he wont be able to come...sadly

jobiann · May 2012

Because of our previous losses my doctor will most likely do an u/s next week so my H will go with me. Anytime there is a possibility of an u/s, he goes.

kdalessandro · May 2012

Thanks for the helpful info! It sounds like I should definitely call and confirm exactly what my OB will be doing at the first appointment. Although I'm glad to know that regardless what they do, it's not "weird" if he comes with me. DH travels a decent amount for work (30% of his time) so I guess it's probably a good idea if he comes to the appointments when he can, and I know he wont be traveling for this first one.

Mrs.Syntax · May 2012

My DH comes to all OB appointments! I don't know if that's the norm or not, but he's always really been into it. He stays in the room when and if the doctor does pelvic exams, but that's not weird for me. The lab work is usually done separately and he just stays in the waiting room.

I agree with the PP who advised to call and ask what they may do. 9 weeks is kind of early to hear a h/b on the doppler so the doctor might not even bother. Some practices do not do ultrasounds unless there are problems. They will probably want your H's health history, so he may want to be there to provide that.

csspencer · May 2012

For my first pregnancy, DH came to the appointment. He sat next to me while my OB did a pap smear, and the transvaginal u/s. My OB then angled the screen so DH could see it as well. My Ob does an u/s at the first appt for dating purposes. DH didn't come to the second appt, and I now regret it. I didn't know my OB would be doing another u/s, so I told him not to come. And I ended up having a m/c 2 weeks later. I plan on having my OB tell me if they are planning an u/s, so DH can be there.

Like pps said, call and see if they are going to do an u/s, and then ask your husband what he wants to do.

mindy0711 · May 2012

With my daughter DH came to the first appointment, this time around I told him he didn't have to take off work to come (it's his busy season). I know with my ob the first appointment is just an exam and talking to the doctor. Hopefully DH will come to the 12 week appointment when we hear the heartbeat.

Kie310 · May 2012

Since my OB doesn't do u/s in office there is no need for my husband to go. But if they do them in office, I would have him there.

manic mama · May 2012

DH came to my first couple of appts with DD. This time he hasn't been able to. I'm crossing my fingers he might be able to pull it off for the U/S next Thursday.

Good luck at your appt!

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · May 2012

If you are having an u/s or for any future doppler appointments, it is my personal belief that you should have someone with you there. I believe this for all pregnant women, especially before you can feel consistent movement. You should always have someone to support you there.

That being said, yes, your DH should be there for those appointments if he can. Obviously if they are just taking blood or doing a pap smear, he doesn't have to be there, but for anything that is related directly to the baby he should be. It is hard enough for men to feel involved in this process, so he should get to experience anything that he can be involved in. Men love seeing that little gummy bear and hearing its heart beat as much as we do!

FreyaWin2382 · May 2012

If you'll be 9 weeks (and you're very sure of your dates), and they do an ultrasound, you should be able to see a heartbeat.

Personally, I am one of those unlucky ones who has never had a "good" ultrasound....both of mine were how I found out that our babies had died (no other symptoms anything was wrong). Because of that, I couldn't imagine not having my DH there with me.

mnieciecki · May 2012

DH came along to my appts. It was basically a meet and greet the OB for the DH. After meeting the OB and the office staff, it put him at ease that LO and I were in good hands. He was there for the 2nd appt for the hb, but I don't see him going to every appointment, just the ones that are important.

bearkatjen · May 2012

We do medical history (nice to hve DH for that) and a dating u/s at my first appointment, so DH will be there. With DS, he came to nearly every appointment, but this time around, I'd rather him save up his sick leave.

jelly0822 · May 2012

We've been through a lot with my doctor, because we'd been seeing her for over a year trying to get my body in check so we could TTC. So my DH knows her almost as well as I do!

He did come to my first appointment and wants to try to be at each one. He was in the room with the pelvic exam, and he just stood by my head at the table. He was there to know what's going on and be informed. He wasn't there in the lab when they drew my blood. But he was there for the u/s, though he had no idea what he was looking at.

I think you'll be able to see a lot at 9 weeks, with the tech's help. So it may be a good experience for your DH to be there.

ta78 · May 2012

My DH came to every appt with my first. They did an u/s at the first appt to measure, so that was an important one for us. He doesn't mind sitting through the paps or blood draws, but I'm sure not all guys would want to.

I'm not sure if he will want to this time around, some of them (especially towards the end when you go more often) are really quick and boring. My OB does let us listen to the heart beat every time so that is exciting.

beckpreg · May 2012

I agree to call and ask. I asked mine when I scheduled and she said they do the u/s first so that the dads (sig. others) can head on out before bloodwork, pap, discussions, etc. if they needed to get back to work, etc. This worked out great for us because my husband teaches and had to get back to the classroom. Plus, he didnt have to see me get weighed!! lol my favorite part.

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