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May 2012 Moms
PPD ~ kinda long
This is a personal question, but has anyone w/ a history of depression & anxiety ended up having bad PPD? A few years ago I was on meds for depression & anxiety & know that I'm at a higher risk for PPD. I was depressed & having anxiety attacks b/c MIL & SIL were living with us at the time. It was mostly what SIL was doing but it didn't help that MIL was more of a friend to her than a parent & would not enforce rules (or even 'punish' her child). So I was pretty much fighting against 2 people.
Some of you know, or may remember, that MIL stays with us a few days every couple weeks or so. This is for her "appointments" (& I'm putting that in quotation marks b/c I'm really wondering how often these actually appointments are & if she's just using it as an excuse to be here). Now she's been attending AA the past week. Which don't get me wrong, it's great for her to get any help she can (I honestly didn't know she had a problem until last week). But at the same time, why wasn't she going before? Anyways I heard her talking to her sponsor today about how when she's not in town it's gonna be hard for her not being able to go to meetings but at least she'll be able to call her sponsor. And I'm just thinking - great, now she's gonna use this as a reason to stay here.
I have to talk to DH about making sure MIL isn't staying with us for a good while after LO is born. If she can't find anyone else in their family to take her places then DH can drive her back & forth for all I care. I've managed to not stress about it very much - until now & I think it's b/c I'm so close to my due date. Just thinking about having her around (& having to make sure SIL isn't around - who isn't allowed in the house) & having to hear about all of SIL's drama stresses me out.
Just like today. SIL turned 18 today & yesterday moved in w/ her boyfriend (she had previously been on house arrest & had to live with her dad). Well DH got home & MIL was talking about how SIL & her bf got kicked out of their place today. And MIL was saying how it seems like there's always drama & stress in her (MIL's) life & so on & so forth. I was just thinking, 'ok, so that means you bring it here?'. I kept my mouth shut. It's just like I can feel my heart rate go up & my chest tightening anytime I hear about any of the crap/drama - & there is ALWAYS something. I know it's not good for the baby. I've talked to my sister about it & she doesn't want me stressing over it b/c it could cause me to have LO early (I'm 37w).
It scares me to think of how hard it's gonna be to NOT be stressed once LO is here & trying to keep those two main sources of stress (MIL & SIL) away. As we all know, having a baby is stressful enough & any added stress really isn't needed. So any advise from anyone who is/was at a higher risk for PPD?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: PPD ~ kinda long
OP, you've been making posts like this for a while. If it's not PPD, it's your earlier one today, using sex as a bargaining tool, and I believe you have said that your MIL lives no more than 40 miles away from you anyway, which still confuses me, because staying with you shouldn't be necessary for such a short distance.
If I were you, I would just TELL your husband. Or TELL your MIL. It sounds like you're trying to compile bribes and reasons that your MIL doesn't need to/isn't allowed to be in the house, but ultimately the most important reason is that you don't want her there and don't feel comfortable with her there. If neither of them know, you're just creating more stress for yourself. I know that family is a touchy subject, and you're trying to be a peace keeper, but your health is just as important, and I've found with family, it's sometimes easier to hurt a few feelings and make peace later.
Hope you find a way to get this all worked out soon, and get rid of the stress you are having about it.
You need to break this up into two different problems/issues and address them separately, in my opinion.
1. Address your environment -- with a child introduced, you and DH must do everything you can to create a good environment for YOUR immediate family, which is you, husband and baby. That may mean not allowing certain things that were tolerable in the past (whether that is limiting or eliminating visits from certain people). You have a whole new and very important dynamic to create and in order to be the best parents possible, you and DH have to have a peaceful environment.
2. Address your depression concerns -- just because you have had anxiety in the past doesn't necessarily mean you will have PPD, and vice versa. Although you (and DH) should certainly stay on top of it, I would avoid anticipating it. Don't let your very normal anxiety of having a baby and adjusting to hormones run away with you -- even ppl without a history of depression can have major anxiety during this period. Make sure your husband and doctor are aware of your history and fears and create a plan to stay on top of it. I struggled for awhile after DD was born, so DH and I sat down and said, "ok, if by ____ I am not feeling improvement, this is what we will do." It helped to have mini timelines.
I hope this helps -- just one person's take!