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June 2011 Moms
lovebugkim
member
11 Days & Pissed (long)
lovebugkim
member
There are 11 days left until the twins birthday party. I asked DH who we were inviting from his side of the family and he responded with just the 2 aunts & uncles who live in town. I asked him several times "Are you sure?" always to get "Yes, the others are out of town and don't celebrate anyways since they are Jehova Witness."
So I ordered & printed the invitations, the cake, & all the themed decorations such as plates, napkins, etc. for the guests that we invited. Invitations were sent out & I was able to check one more thing off the list.
Fast forward to last night... DH gets a phone call from mommy dearest who is asking him if we have anymore invites left. He puts his phone down to his side & asks me which I repsond to by saying "No, we sent them all out why?" He tells me that she wanted to see if we mailed her family any invitations. He tells mommy dearest "no" & she tells him "that's fine she will just tell them about it." What the What?!?!?! Are you freaking SERIOUS?!?!? That's an additional 12-15 people that we did not anticipate inviting nor coming due to their beliefs & religion!!
We are having their party at an amusement park & paying for everyones entrance fee. As it is, the cost will already be over $1K. DH kept saying we have the money it will be fine, but he doesn't get the damn point!! Everything has already been ordered & I refuse to pay anymore for expedited shipping. I knew his mom would pull this sh!t. That's why I asked him SEVERAL times before I ordered anything!!
On top of all that, this is the last weekend we have to get the menu together for this grand party & his mom has a friend coming from Mexico so she expects us to come over for a cookout on Saturday. Sunday, of course is Mother's Day so that is out of the question & she leaves on Tuesday. So that means I have to make time & change my plans to accomodate my MIL, try to get all the final birthday stuff together, or we will have to use up our Monday evening to find a way over there. I'm just so sick of dealing with her & I feel like I'm being pulled here, there, & everywhere!!
I told DH that if it wasn't for my babies I wouldn't be here. I told him that she causes to much stress between us that it's not worth it. I feel alone. I can't talk to him about it, because he gets defensive when I try to talk to him since it's his mom. I'm at a loss, & don't know what to do anymore.
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Re: 11 Days & Pissed (long)
what the what is right! who does that? you are better than i am b.c i would have been on the phone explaining to her that the cut off has already happened and we can't add anymore. so sorry you waited so long.
*hugs* for you and a *kick in the ass* for DH
I didn't send them because they NEVER come to stuff like this due to their religion. I didn't want to shove it in their face although I'm always forced to send Christmas cards & such because my MIL insists we do!! I just feel that it's common courtesy not to send it & because I do, it's like a slap in the face!
What makes the difference this time is that you are having it at an amusement park...something that is not offlimits to JW's (my brother and his family are/were and they went to amusement parks all the time). But yeah, I too am of the mindset that you should have talked to MIL directly rather than rely on DH as the go-between. Cuts down on miscommunication errors.
If you really feel like you should invite them, I would just send an evite or something. Maybe, in respect of their religion, don't make too birthday-y. I'd also try to take it easy on YH. It's not really his fault, imo. His mom is the one who pulled this on him. Be mad at her if you want. However, for the sake of family peace, I'd just do whatever keeps the most people happy.
GL
idk, maybe i'm just insensitive, but unless MIL is paying for the party she has no say in the guest list. i would think it's crazy rude of her to just assume that she can just add people to a list whe you are paying by head.
Here's my thought on this (and I can be mean)...if they are inviting themselves, they can pay for themselves. So yeah, I totally understand you in that yes, MIL should be paying ofr them. But too, she should have gone directly to MIL in the first place rather than relying on DH to tell her who to invite. I know in my case at least, when it came to our wedding, my bridal shower, my baby shower...I communicated directly with MIL to make sure nothing was lost in the translation.
This. I get that she could talk to her directly but, frankly, she should be able to get a straight answer from her husband about the attendance of HIS family. It seems seriously dumb to have this come up now. Frankly, I would inform her that it's all already been paid for/set aside and that no more people can come. They can come to your house for dinner or something if they truly want to celebrate with the family.
Ok... I was a JW for 17 years. Even if the party is at an amusement park, how I was always taught to treat situations like this is as follows: Yes, amusement parks are more than fine. But if I/we (my family) were invited for the purpose of a birthday party, then we would respectfully say no.
I'm assuming from the sounds of things that MIL is not JW, but other family members are. In which case, she (MIL) needs to not be telling you (OP) to send them invites and/or Christmas cards, because that's kind of disrespectful, knowing that they don't celebrate/believe in those holidays and such. I'd be talking to those specific family members directly about such matters, not going through someone who may not really understand, etc.
As to the DH/MIL issue... I agree w/ PP's that he should have a handle on his mother and/or the rest of the family so as to avoid all this... but on the otherhand, if OP had a feeling that this was what was going to happen, then I probably would have talked to MIL directly, instead.
OP: I'm sorry you're having to deal with this right now, after all of the planning and effort. JMO, but I think you really need to have a talk to DH about all of this, especially if it always seems to be a problem when big occasions come up!
Agreed!
If it were me, I would tell her that you left the invites for H's side of the family up to him, and you invited your side. End of story.
Also, she had to have known that your LO's birthday was coming up, so she should have mentioned this sooner. If you are OK with extending the offer, maybe you can mention that she is welcome to invite other family members, and pay for the extra party favors, goodie bags, perhaps cupcakes, whatever. Obviously she could have made the connection that they are JW, and a birthday is not something they typically celebrate, so there is NO way that you could have known her thought process and that this would have been an exception. Even her own son didn't know it was an exception. If she continues to argue, and doesn't like the offer, then tell her to communicate with her son.
I hate the hand-holding with my DH, too. If I give him a simple task that benefits himself or his family, and he doesn't do it, then that is on him.
Thank you DramaMama06!! This is NOT her party to be inviting to begin with!! DH & I are the parents NOT her!! My husband should be grown enough to be able to tell me who he wants to invite from his family. He knows his family well enough I would think.
I am pissed at MIL for pulling this *** once again. She's always trying to invite others or sending random friends copies of invites. I'm also pissed at DH because I asked him 3 weeks ago before I ordered all of this. Then when MIL calls he suddenly forgets everything is ordered for a specific amount of people and can't tell her no!!
I would just like to say that currently i am one of Jehovahs witnesses, my extended family is not. When the celebrate birthdays and holidays and send out invites they never send me one bc they know i wont go. however, i also know that obviously i am included if i would want to go. By no means is it offensive that they dont send me invitations.
I think your MIL just needs to accept they arent going to come, thats why they didnt get the official invite. I am sure none of them would be offended about not getting an invite. and this late in the game i would make any late responses pay for their fee.
And..going to amusement parks is not "wrong" by any means.
And Then There Were Three...
Married: 08/14/10
Baby #1 Born: 06/18/11
June Moms Blog
I don't mean to sidetrack, but do you mind explaining the birthday thing? I never knew this about Jehovahs witnesses and am curious. Are you only supposed to celebrate religious holidays? But then why are Christmas cards a problem?
I hope I'm not being rude, I am just interested.
Thanks, it's always nice to hear from someone who has insight. As for the last sentence though, I was just making a general statement that the party will be held at an amusement park so it's not cheap. Not that JW can't go to an amusement park.
I'm not JW, but I do know that they don't believe in celebrating holidays or birthdays. Really anything for that matter. They don't believe in giving gifts or throwing parties or participating in parties. I'm sure those who are can elaborate a bit further, but that's what I have learned through friends and others.