Different situation...

chancinglisa · May 2012

Okay hello there my name is Lisa and i'm definitely a newbie to TTGP but I wanted to post my story/questions here.

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, i'm younger (24) and he's older than me (35). He had a vasectomy 10 years ago when he went into the Army and didn't want anymore children. Well we have none together and we both really want a baby together.

Now I know the chances of a successful reversal after being "fixed" for 10 + years is next to none not to mention the cost so we have decided to use donor sperm. We have looked into buying the sperm from sperm banks but we would have to do any "inseminations" at home as I am a little on the heavier side and i'm sure if I brought sperm into a doctor's office for them to inject it into me, they'd tell me no and to lose weight first.

So long story short, we've looked into doing "natural insemination" with the right man. I know this is widely frowned upon and i'm sure i'm going to get quite a bit of negative feedback BUT I just want to know if anyone's ever used "natural insemination" with donor sperm. I'm a little nervous but the man would have no legal obligations to our baby and my husband would be 100% the child's father.

I figure why waste the money buying sperm for IUI or ICI when I can save that money for our child and try with natural insemination.(with the right guy after we've all been tested of course doing it safe) I'm also new to coming off birth control so i'm kind of scared that i'm going to miss my ovulation time, I went off BC pills in January, had my first cycle March 20th, that cycle lasted 45 days and I just started my 2nd cycle off BC and i'm using OPKs and will start temping once my period is over.

Sorry i've made this so long, I just really have no where else to turn for advice.

Thank you.

FlemFam718 · May 2012

I used the low tech method with a known donor's fresh sperm. From my research, the price difference between covering the legal costs of a known donor and buying donor sperm from a bank are really not all that great. Legal costs are probably around $2000-$3000 to cover a donor agreement and making sure all of the loopholes are tied legally after the baby is born to make sure your spouse is the legal dad. If you don't go through the legal steps to sever the known donor's claim to paternity, you may always wonder if he would come forward later asking for something.

maryoosa · May 2012

chancinglisa:
Now I know the chances of a successful reversal after being "fixed" for 10 + years is next to none not to mention the cost so we have decided to use donor sperm. We have looked into buying the sperm from sperm banks but we would have to do any "inseminations" at home as I am a little on the heavier side and i'm sure if I brought sperm into a doctor's office for them to inject it into me, they'd tell me no and to lose weight first.
Thank you.

So I'm only going to address some of this post because I have no idea what you mean by natural insemination. The only thing that is natural insemination is getting pregnant by having sex. Everything else is considered artificial insemination.

In terms of the dr's telling you to lose weight--- I can guarantee I'm fatter than you. I wear a 26/28 for context. And my doctor suggested that I lose weight and so I pointed him to a bunch of health at any size materials- which basically state that as long as you are healthy you can be any size. And, I've been working with a fertility doctor since July---and he hasn't raised my weight as an issue since. However, if you are that concerned about it, go to a midwife. They are far more positive about bodies and many of them will do inseminations though it might not be covered by insurance.

Doing insemination at home, unless you know someone who can insert a cervical catheter is an ICI--- pretty much the least effective method of AI available.

So I think what you are talking about is having heterosexual sex with a second man...I'm pretty sure most of us here are either doing ICI, IUI, or IVF with donor sperm from either a known or anonymous donor.

Kershnic · May 2012

Re: A known donor:

First, what everyone else said. Not sure whether you're talking about sex or ICI, but either way there are lots of emotional, logistical, and legal challenges. Consult a lawyer. Your results will vary by state. If you don't do this and really think through and talk through all the issues with both men, you're setting yourself up for a lot of marital and possibly legal drama down the road.

Re: Your weight:

Many many REs consider it none of their business how heavy you are. I am also a larger person and was really scared of this type of discrimination when I went to an RE. The only conversations we've had about my weight were constructive talks about how it could affect my ability to be successful with treatment. And both my RE and I believe that I can have a healthy pregnancy. By assuming a doctor won't work with you you're shooting yourself in the foot.

TooCuteAkane · May 2012

Not sure where to start. First, your weight shouldn't matter. My RE fidn't even bat an eye at my weight and I was 250 ( 6 feet tall) when I conceived. I guess my I'm wondering why you were on birth control if your hubby is snipped? If its fur to irregular cycle or heavy bleeding then you really might want to use an RE to save time and money. And not that this matters at all but I'm curious as to why you posted this on the queer parenting board. Not that you can't.. Hell I support just about anyone. I'm just curious.

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