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Pre-School and Daycare
Bad behavior at school
I posted last week that DS got in trouble at school. When talking to the teacher the next day (when we brought in I'm sorry letters) she told me his behavior has been bad ever since our baby was born (about a month ago) every single day he is in trouble and I had no idea! Don't know why she never told me before, but now I have asked her to tell me. He isn't being mean and hitting but he isn't listening to the teachers and acting silly. Basically disrespecting the teachers. I am horrified (not MY child, I know, I know)I really had no idea and I really have no idea what to do from here. I started a sticker chart for him for good behavior but I feel like I need todo something more drastic. Growing up, I always almost feared my teachers/elders and would never think of talking back. I don't know how I haven't passed that on to my son. Any ideas? I really don't want my kid to be THAT kid that is known for misbehaving.
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Re: Bad behavior at school
I think its really important for school issue to stay school issues and to not bring them into the home for consequences and discipline, especially at this age. The teacher has every ability to control her own classroom and reinforce good behavior and following the rules. You can support what the teacher does in the classroom but I would not develop another system at home, especially something drastic.
If he has good behavior at home, reinforce that. If this just started and it's linked to a major change at home (even a good one!) then let him work it out. He won't be "that kid" for long. Especially if he has the ability to turn it on and off as shown by doing well at home.
DS went through a rough stage at preschool and what helped us is getting on the same page as the teachers with what we do to reinforce good behavior at home. We used a sticker chart at home for a bit, and his teachers would then be able to remind DS about the chart at home when he started to get a little crazy at school, and he would shape up quick so he would still get his points at home for having a good day.
And really reinforcing the good behavior goes a loooooong way... when he started having 100% good days, then 90-100% good weeks and realized THAT kind of behavior made mommy happy, he was so proud to tell me he had a good day when I got home from work, every day after that. He still does. GL!
I agree with the reinforcement of positive behavior but I don't agree that punishments for school stay at school. Your child will learn very quickly that his time at school is limited and he wont have consequences later that day. For a 1,2, or even a 3 year old it's debatable but in the pre-primary and primary ages I feel its important that kids know that at school or at home, good behavior is rewarded and bad choices come with consequences. Having similar goal is beneficial to everyone in the scenario!
I think having the attitude that his school behavior carries no weight outside of school is setting him up to be confused and potentially teach him to "work the system" to misbehave and become more disruptive because he doesn't get in "real" trouble. All a teacher can do is make him sit out for a few minutes give him a lecture, a parent however can give reasonable incentives for continuing good behavior (like a sticker chart) as well as appropriate discipline (no TV, loss of a toy etc) for undesirable behavior. Children learn best when they have an explanation of their behavior is inappropriate but it doesn't always sink in as children are very egocentric (and they should be!) at these ages. A concrete form of punishment (taking away a physical objects or favored activity) teaches them to associate negative feelings with negative behaviors which gives them more incentive to want to try and be more thoughtful in their actions. When this happens they are more likely to learn that positive actions reap positive feelings.
OP- in your case, since his behavior change is triggered by a life changing event, I would focus on positive reinforcement and resort to more disciplinary actions if the behaviors are not changing in about a week or so. The PP who said that having a sticker chart at home for good behavior, and bringing the teacher in on the system in order to remind him, is a great idea! If that fails (give it a week or so) then I would try the threat of losing an activity or toy for the day (and if you say this, its essential that you follow through!) and hopefully you wont even have to get to that point. Your DS is conflicted with his emotions and doesnt have the skill set to deal with it so it manifests in different ways so I would also try to over talk everything. Often, we as adults assume a child knows this and that but really we need to verbalize and over talk everything with them to help them work it out. GL!