- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
FutureMrsWittig
member
Dreading Mother's Day, a vent
FutureMrsWittig
member
It's my first as a BM. And I know it's going to be a royal disaster.
SD spends Mother's Day with her mom (as she should) from 9am-6pm. It falls on our weekend this year, which bites because we lose out on that whole day. But now BM is also requesting to have her Saturday for a family birthday party. So I suggested to DH that BM take SD all day Saturday instead of Sunday, or else we say no to the party on Saturday. We were also invited to a birthday party Saturday for my friends' child who is the same age as SD and who she enjoys playing with.
Instead my DH has agreed to let BM have SD Saturday for the party and for church Sunday morning. He thought I would be happy this way, but I know what's going to happen. "Church" is going to last until noon and then they'll want to have lunch, and then BM will insist that if we want SD back that we have to come get her.
I don't want to spend my Mother's Day schlepping around on BMs whims. I'm probably going to tell DH to do whatever he wants and I'm going to my mom's house with my DD, since we really can't plan to do anything fun because BM will undoubtedly call at the worst possible time and ruin everything. She doesn't do it on purpose (I don't think) but she has a knack for it.
/vent
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dreading Mother's Day, a vent
My first thought as well.
MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I'm jumping onboard the "switch weekends" bandwagon. That seems like the easiest fix for now.
However, if BM isn't willing to switch weekends then do what you want to do on Mother's Day. It's your day too. Don't let her chaos ruin it for you.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
I agree that switching weekends would be ideal, but I know if I was dealing with my vindictive exh in a situation like this, he would refuse to switch weekends just for spite. So it might not be that easy for the OP.
OP, I would be more upset that my dh did not follow through with the plan that you two had agreed to for handling this weekend, than anything else.
At this point, I think you have to just plan your own thing without SD because you are probably right, you will not get her back. It's a shame your weekend is screwed up unfairly, but what's done is done so try to put it out of your mind. Just plan to do whatever is going to make you happy for your first mother's day as a bio mom and forget all the rest of the stress.
I know you don't want to be without SD but it seems like in this senario the best thing to do is let BM do her thing and you guys do yours. If you are still busy and can't pick SD up at BM's whim then tell her to either drop her off or wait.
Let it go. Your H has decided to let her have the Saturday, so that's done. Sunday is Mother's Day - which should be a day when a mom spends time with her kids. Drop the "after church" nonsense and call it a day. You enjoy your Mother's Day in peace and BM will enjoy hers with her daughter, too. All these stupid time restrictions - before church, after lunch...etc only stress everyone out and nothing good comes of it. There will be another weekend.
This. and swap weekends.
This! And think about how you might feel if you couldn't spend the day with your child. Maybe let BM have this one, in the spirit of the holiday, and then enjoy the crap out of your first mothers day!
Just switch weekends. And enjoy your first Mother's Day.
We were supposed to have SD this weekend, but CO states that Mother's Day is with Mom. So we switched to have SD all of Father's Day weekend. Worked out great!
Just call the birthday party a wash - she may enjoy playing with the other child, but she is going to miss some things sometimes. Schedule a play date for some other time.
BM won't switch weekends because "it's too hard"... Idk why.
I'm placing the blame where it belongs, on my H. He tends to let BM run the show without thinking what it will do to our family plans, and then gets pissed when it all turns out super inconvenient.
But I won't begrudge BM her day with her child. Absolutely not. She will have her all day Sunday as the CO spells out. And if she does what she usually does and calls to have us meet to pick up SD 2 hours early, she's just going to have to wait. And if she's late then DH can decide if he wants to push it and I will do my own thing.
I understand that some of you fail to see how this is a big deal, and that's fine. But if your every holiday, weekend, etc... had to revolve around this crap (I'll let myself think you'd be b!tchy) about it too.
Truthfully, if it was me writing this post I would say the reason BM isn't switching weekends is because she wants her normal CO'd weekend, plus the extra day. Because that's what the BM in my situation does. Who cares if it's inconvenient for everyone and a lot of shuffling the child back and forth, if it means she gets to mess up our plans she'll do it. I just try to believe that not everyone here is dealing with someone as vindictive and hostile as I am.
I understand how this is a big deal, we had a similar issue last year at Mother's Day. During mediation BM didn't want to agree that Mother's Day and Father's Day would begin Saturday at 6 pm thru Sunday at 6 pm. She thought this would give my husband extra time, and failed to realize that Father's Day is the 3rd weekend of the month (his CO'd weekend) and Mother's Day is the 2nd Sunday but that year Mother's Day landed on the 1st weekend of the month (my husband's Co'd time). So we had to trek over to her apartment at 8 a.m. to drop K off on Mother's Day (and essentially mess up what the kids wanted to do for me for breakfast) and she wasn't even awake. No one answered the door so we came home. Then she called at 10 a.m. threatening to call the police because K wasn't there like she was supposed to be. Then we had to drive all the way over there and completely interrupt what we were doing. It sucked, and I was pissed. Every weekend is like this because BM refuses to do her share of transportation and planning. It sucks, it really does.
So this Mother's Day, make it about you. Do whatever you want and to hell with BM's chaos. If she calls for an early pick up, too bad. She can wait until you are good and ready to go. Or she can bring SD to where you and your husband are. Make sure your husband understands that this is your damn day too and he is not to be bending over backwards to accommodate BM.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
If it were me I would just prefer to spend the day with my husband and my child and leave the stepchild out of it. That would be more enjoyable than running around trying to get the child on her time frame. It's mother's day time for you and your LO to have quality time, not that stepchild. Can she take her all day long?
Her CO'd time is from 10am to 5pm. So, essentially she will have her all day. But what usually ends up happening is they decide to go home early or SD cops an attitude and BM decides she's done around 2 or 3 and calls to have us come get SD early. If we say no, she demands we come all the way out to her house (middle of fracking nowhere and way out of our way) to get SD. It always ends up being stupid and a PITA.
I don't want to take any time from BM. It's Mother's day and she's SD's mother. We got a gift for SD to give her mom and everything. I'd just like to know that my mother's day won't become stress-fest 2012 when she changes her plans last minute. Because she will. That's how she lives her life. Also, fine, as long as it doesn't interfere with me living mine. But usually it does.
So don't let it. Let BM throw her little fit about not wanting time with her daughter on Mother's Day (I mean seriously, who does this?!) and then have your husband tell her that SD will be picked up at 5 pm pursuant to the CO, or she can drive over to where you are and drop SD off. That's it. Those are her choices, take 'em or leave 'em. Your husband really needs to stand up to he and say "no".
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
Totally understand we have a very similar situation. It stinks for you really but the best thing you can do is enjoy as much of the day as you can. And think in less than 18 years (not sure how old your SD is) things will be different
I'm sorry, I didn't realize your situation. That is a pain!
I say plan your day around the CO and if BM wants to switch it up, tough titty (unless it works for you). Tell DH to be strong and put his foot down. His priority on Mothers Day is you, not accommodating BM