WTF was today:<

SweetDahlia · May 2012

Today I had my pap, WTF, and next up a dentist appt. I don't know why this seemed liked a good idea. I have been crying like all day and I look like a mess, I have 30 minutes to pull it together and get to the dentist. :<

The pap was awful. I don't know how I have had tons of other tests and done 3 IVFs and can't get through a pap without it being just awful.

The RE didn't know anything else. He basically just said the same right after our BFN. That he has NO idea what to say. We either have a sperm issue or an egg issue and we make poor embies. Our only good one was from IVF 1 2 years ago.

He did say the eggs did look a little irregular, but not too bad that they noted that they didn't look any worse than others that turn into babies. He has no idea why only 4 fertilized from my 12 eggs and all 4 embies were 1-2 days behind on day 3.

He said he would not reccomend another IVF till we figured out what the issue was. He wants to do the frag test on DH's sperm and then get him to the URO. I brought up donor eggs and he said he didn't know if we really needed to go that far. He wants to see what the Uro and frag test say first. He said if we did donor sperm we could just do an IUI. Since I stim well he doesn't think it is my eggs, but he can't be sure.

So we didn't learn anything. I cried like the whole time. I couldn't even think of questions, but really he answered what I was going to ask I guess anyway.

Our other appt with the new RE is June 4th. We are getting a copy of our files. They will be ready Friday. And we got a $300 refund since we had nothing to freeze.

I don't see how the new RE will have anything to say. But hopefully he will have some new ideas. I can't seem to go to the current office without balling every freaking time. Too many bad memories. After 6 IUIS 3 IVFs and 2 losses I am just so tired.

I never thought that here we would be 5 years later and have nothing to show for it. Our savings is pretty much gone. Being out of pocket sucks.

I guess we will hear what the new RE says. Maybe take some time. DH just turned 38 though. I will be 34. I feel like all we have done is take breaks, but I just can't do it again, not now.

I want to thank you all for the support the last 4 years. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without you all. I just wish I could have been the girl who got pregnant on clomid, or had their first IUI work. To be pregnant twice and know it may never happen again is an awful awful feeling. To see others have babies on their first try or to see people get married after you and be on kid 2 or 3 while you have nothing just kills me. If one more person whines to me how they it took a year or they had to take clomid I think I will go crazy.

theworms · May 2012

i'm sorry you didn't get more answers cutie. it sucks

i hope the uro and the further sperm testing has some answers.

it really sucks that some roads are so much longer and harder than others, i wish this were easier for all of us.

((HUGS))

in the meantime maybe you can add some vits/supps to improve egg quality? i can email you list if you want

jessican08 · May 2012

((HUGE HUGS))

I'm so sorry he didn't have any answers for you. I hope they can find something out with the frag test so you can try something different for your next step.

GL at the appt. with the new RE - hopefully a fresh set of eyes will find something your other RE missed or overlooked.

I hope your dentist appt. goes by quickly and painlessly ((MORE HUGS))

Mrs.McIrish · May 2012

Big hugs. IF just sucks.

babystinkbreath · May 2012

this sucks so bad. big hugs sweetie.

Roxie5739 · May 2012

I am so sorry that you did not get answers, IF sucks I do hope that the tests recommended find something that you can work on to resolve or at least manage around.

((HUGS))

I agree with a PP, maybe you can add some vits/supps to improve egg quality? I did this for last cycle, not sure if they worked but I got 2 good embies and I had crappy egg quality. Let me know if you want the details of what I took or learned.

MerryMarisa · May 2012

I'm really sorry, hun. I'm so sorry you're going through this and you are successful with your new RE. Huge (((hugs))).

OOPMedsProgram · May 2012

I am so sorry that you did not get any answers... believe me I know how frustrating it is.

The only thing I can suggest (other than a nice glass of wine or drink of choice) is to get a second opinion. Many of the best doctors around the country are doing free phone appointments after going over your records. This might be a good option for you - if the best of the best agree with your doctors you might feel better about staying with your RE if the treatment is the same.

GL!

reb259 · May 2012

Sorry you didnt get more answers. Big hugs!! Hopefully the test results will shed some light.

SweetDahlia · May 2012

theworms:

i'm sorry you didn't get more answers cutie. it sucks

i hope the uro and the further sperm testing has some answers.

it really sucks that some roads are so much longer and harder than others, i wish this were easier for all of us.

((HUGS))

in the meantime maybe you can add some vits/supps to improve egg quality? i can email you list if you want

That would be great. I am sure you have told me and I always asked him and he said no, but I will ask the new RE what he thinks. I take fish oil and flaxseed everyday already.

SweetDahlia · May 2012

Roxie5739:

I am so sorry that you did not get answers, IF sucks I do hope that the tests recommended find something that you can work on to resolve or at least manage around.

((HUGS))

I agree with a PP, maybe you can add some vits/supps to improve egg quality? I did this for last cycle, not sure if they worked but I got 2 good embies and I had crappy egg quality. Let me know if you want the details of what I took or learned.

sure if you have time I would love to hear. thanks.

BeeBee08 · May 2012

Big ((hugs)). I hate the no answers and the waiting to hear from someone new. I wish this was a way faster process with 100% surety in something. I hope your dentist went okay

Good Luck!!

mm29 · May 2012

I'm sorry you didn't get more answers! (((Huge hugs!!!)))

psychmusetls · May 2012

first of all, I wish i could give you the biggest hug right now. it sucks that you haven't gotten any answers and you have no real game plan. hopefully the new RE will have some better ideas. good luck sweetie. always thinking of you xo

SweetDahlia · May 2012

BeeBee08:

Big ((hugs)). I hate the no answers and the waiting to hear from someone new. I wish this was a way faster process with 100% surety in something. I hope your dentist went okay

Good Luck!!

It was good. I actually like to go get my teeth cleaned. And no cavities! But everything still tastes like fluoride:< They think I am a nutcase anyway. Somehow I always end up there soon after bad news and am all sad. I managed to not cry this time though at least.

SweetDahlia · May 2012

Thanks everyone. I am just sad that any of us have to be here.

illinigal · May 2012

Hugs sweetie. Sorry I'm so late... Been staining the deck all afternoon/evening.

I'm sorry the RE didn't have any answers. I hope the new RE can shed some light on things. Did you make a uro apt for your Dh? Does the RE do the frag test or does he want a uro to do it? They never mentioned the frag test to us in the past. If you could email me the details, Id appreciate it. I have my WTF there on 5/24 and Dh has his followup apt at the uro on 5/25. Since we are already on RE #2 and IVF #3 kinda worked, we'd like to stay there is possible. We'd still like to do IVF 5 in July. Time will tell I guess.

More hugs. We need to get together soon.

jillychris · May 2012

((HUGS)) Glad you made it through your dentist appt!! Hoping the new RE is able to make some great suggestions for you!

Faith722 · May 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry your RE didn't have better answers for you. I don't understand why something that seems so basic has to be so hard. And I really think that being OOP just adds insult to injury.

I agree with the others -- it can't hurt to add in some extra supps and hope they help. Surely, they won't hurt anything. FWIW, I added in CoQ10, extra Bs, C, D and upped my Fish Oil intake. I also drank green tea like crazy and started acupuncture. We did seem to have better quality embies after I did this, but who knows how much any of it helped.

Big hugs!!

krod2010 · May 2012

This makes me so sad....I am so sorry. IF does suck....and it makes it that much more shitty when its OOP and you don't have endless amounts of income to spend. I hope you get some answers.

blueberries8 · May 2012

Sending you lots of hugs. That sounds like a really stressful and hard day. What the RE said sounds reasonable, but it is still so frustrating, daunting, and sad not to have better answers. Thinking of you.