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3rd Trimester
cs1007
member
Last couple weeks with just DS and feeling guilty/like a bad mom :(
cs1007
member
I have a RCS 2 weeks from today and I am feeling really guilty/bad for DS. I am tired, irritable, uncomfortable, and I just don't feel like 'playing' sometimes. I am a SAHM so we are together constantly. he is a super mama's boy, and he does not play very well on his own...even when he does, I feel guilty and join him-even though I know he needs to learn to be independant.
On top of that, I am so emotional, sometimes I just look at him and cry, jusrt thinking about how it is not goingt o be just 'us' anymore...I obviously don't want him to see me upset, so i have to leave the room so he won't see...Just the thought of being in the hospital away from him is killing me. We have never been apart, wit the exception of one night when I was in a wedding away.
I am also having anxiety about caring for him once DS#2 is here and recovering from a c-section. I have been on the c-section boards, and they actually make me feel worse when I am reminded of how you are supposed to take it easy, not do stairs, can't lift anything. DS is just so active, I do not know how I am going to do it. My DH is taking a week, but most of that time will be spent in the hospital, and my sister just started a new job, so can't help/take time. My mom lives 2+ hours away, and will have DS when I am in the hospital but will not be helping after.
I am really worried-any advice or encouraging words please???
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Re: Last couple weeks with just DS and feeling guilty/like a bad mom :(
What about some play dates with friends? I know it would be hard to go out, but maybe you could have them over. Do you have any close friends with kids that could stop by to occupy DS and maybe help you out a bit? This may seem like a lot to ask, but it is so important that you don't feel alone. Do they have a MOPS in your area? This could help with the socialization of your son.
I too struggle with not being able to do as much with DS, but I know that this will be short lived and once DD is a bit older, everyone will be better off. Sending T and P your way.
Ditto this.
I'm also a SAHM and, though I don't have a c-section scheduled, totally have had similar feelings on and off. I'd recommend the same advice I keep repeating to myself: Give yourself permission to feel however you are feeling. You are 38 weeks pregnant and stay at home with your active LO -- of COURSE you're going to have emotional times!
Also, you will recover from the c-section, you will be able to pick up both your kids again, and you will feel better emotionally -- even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.
Ds1 and DS2 are 15 months apart. Your feelings are totally normal. I was like that the closer it got to my c/s with ds2. I felt so guilty about having another child and could even comprehend loving another child as much as ds1. But your heart grows more then you can ever imagine and you figure out a new normal.
I was on my own after a 1 1/2wks with both boys. I sat on the floor to play a lot and had ds1 come up on the couch to read books. I had no issues with the stairs and after 1 1/2 wks I had to pick ds1 up some. I just bent down to him and had him put his arms around my neck then lifted him with my legs. I had no issues what so ever. Just have to listen to your body and when they are resting you need to rest too. I also took ds1 outside in the backyard quite a bit. I'd put ds2 in the PNP or bouncy seat either outside or right inside the door.
ETA: I had a c/s with both my boys and will again this time. Don't let the c/s board scare you. Everyone has different experiences with their c/s. I swear my 2nd c/s was the easiest thing ever. And I forgot get out of the house as soon as you can drive. At 2 wks pp, I took my first trip out with both to target. It was only like 15 minutes but it built my confidence to go more and more with both kids which really helped ds1.
I also think you'll be just fine. You forget that most newborns sleep A LOT the first few weeks and you'll still have 1:1 with DS. As far as not being able to carry him, explain that to him. Usually at that age they can understand. If he wants to be held you can just sit down and hold him. I've never had much help after my deliveries and I really don't remember the first few weeks being that challenging. I think it gets harder at 5 weeks or so when the baby is awake and needing more. I did only have a c/s with my 1st though. However, I'm also and L&D RN and I will say, most people find repeat c/s to be much easier then your first for a variety of reasons. Mainly, you're mentally prepared and know what to expect. That makes a big difference. You also aren't sleep deprived or stressed from labor which often times you are with your first. And you're more confident in your parenting skills which makes things easier as well.
As far as the guilt about DS not being the only child. I truly believe a sibling is the best gift you can give your kids. Seeing my kids interact together and the joy they bring to one another is amazing, so try to focus on that!
Thank you for posting this. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels like this. I am a SHAM also and we live 45 min from the nearest town so it makes it hard for play dates. I'm just hoping that my DS will get used to having to share me and that I will have the energy for both! Thanks to everyone for there encouraging words, they really help.