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Breastfeeding
megvin21
member
Rough start with a shield and upsetting dr. advice
megvin21
member
I would like to preface this by saying that I am a FTM and I know that it will get easier eventually, or atleast that's what EVERYONE keeps saying, but it doesn't seem that way right now.
My DS is 8 days old today and BFing has been quite difficult for us. First off, I had a very fast labor and then only pushed for 19 minutes so when he refused to eat at all for the first 24 hours the nurses and the LCs were not concerned because "he was mucusy from being born so quick". Once the 'magic' 24 hours were up, they started to have to strip him down to his diaper and fuss with him to get him to wake up to eat and he would not stay awake.
Then when he would eat, his latch wasn't very good and my nipples took a beating and got plenty of hickeys. So they recommended I use a shield atleast until my nipples healed up. Once I came home I became engorged and so trying to get DS to latch without the shield at that point was impossible. Here we are, 8 days old (already!) and still using the shield and making one heck of a mess everytime.
He is eating so much all the time; it seems like he just gets done and then he's sticking his fist back in his mouth and fussing. I don't know if he isn't getting enough when he is eating, so he is hungry again in an hour or if he just wants to be comforted.
We are taking DS to our family doctor, but he is out of town for two weeks, so his PA is seeing DS for now and she told me at his 3 day check up that the fact that I attempted to feed DS 16 times in 24 hours was too much. Then today I took him back in due to a rash and he gained 10oz in 5 days (7lbs 9oz at birth, 7lbs 1oz 3 days old, 7lbs 11oz 8 days old). The PA told me that 10oz in less than a week is quite above the average weight gain and that I really only need to feed DS every 2-3 hours as long as it isn't less than 8 times in 24 hours and that sometimes his cues (sticking his fists in his mouth, rooting, fussing/crying) aren't because he is hungry. When I left the doctor's office today I just started crying because basically she told me I was feeding DS too much and to let him cry if he is acting hungry since nothing else soothes him. Oh, and she told me he needs to eat 10-15 minutes on each side every feeding, which is impossible with him. I have all I can do to get him to feed for 10 minutes on one side and then I give him the other and most of the time he just snacks for a minute and passes out.
My stance on it has been watch the baby, not the clock. When he is hungry, I feed him. I am just so upset and I'm sure these wonderful hormones are not helping at all, but I'm tired, sore, and now upset with the doctor because I disagree with what she's telling me.
I have an appointment with a LC tomorrow to try and wean DS off the shield and get him to latch. If that goes well, I will be much happier, but as of right now, I cannot see myself doing this for atleast 6 months. When I was pregnant I was so worried I wouldn't be able to BF because of my milk supply or some other physical reason. I never imagined that I emotionally wouldn't want to. I feel awful.
Oh and sense I'm venting I'll just throw the rest out there: my stiches hurt/itch like crazy, people keep stopping in to visit at terrible times and I do not get any sleep during the day, and worst of it all, today was SOs first day back at work 
uhh.
I know I didn't really ask any questions and thanks for reading this far, if you've made it, but I am really hard up for some personal, real-life advice, not from some young doctor who hasn't had any children and is reading out of a text book and perhaps some encouragement. I think every FTM just wants to know she is doing it "right". Oh, and please, please tell me these hormones calm down!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Rough start with a shield and upsetting dr. advice
Congratulations on your latest addition to your family
First off, ignore the doctor. You are doing great! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE ADVICE GIVEN... I repeat ignore what was said, it was wrong wrong wrong. It's not bad what is going on and I'm sure it will even out.
Your baby may be snacking. some feedings will be larger than others and last longer than others and either way it may feel like a whole lot of feedings but 8-12 feedings a day is quite normal more feedings is fine, but really it won't be like this forever. In a few days it may change... just do what you're doing and go with it.
If you need anyone to talk to, don't be a stranger, I have helped many moms and I think you may just need someone to talk to
Good luck!
You are doing a great job, Mama! BFing is HARD and it sounds like you have a couple barriers in your way that are making it even harder, so (I'm going to say it...) hang in there and it DOES get better! All of it gets better. The BFing, the sleep, the stitches, the hormones!
Hopefully the LC will be more understanding than the PA and help you transition off the nipple shield. As far as feeding your baby too much, they say it's hard to overfeed a BF baby and I've never heard of anyone saying that the baby is gaining weight too fast! I think that's great! Your baby was probably cluster feeding which is hard, but it's great in establishing your supply.
Your baby is so lucky to have such a caring and attentive Mommy! You're doing great!
I just want to say that the first 2-3 weeks is pretty terrible for almost everyone so you are SO not alone. After that though, things usually start to get a lot better! If you can hang in there you will be happy you did.
Onto the advice given to you. I think it's pretty piss poor. Most babies go through a growth spurt around 7-10 days old so I'm guessing that is what is going on. When that happens (and it will again around 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months) you should feed your baby on demand. This can be every hour sometimes. It will help your milk suppy increase so you can meet the demands of your baby. For the first 6 weeks I wouldn't worry too much about a schedule and just work on meeting your baby's demands. If your baby is having enough wet and dirty diapers and gaining weight, you are doing a perfect job! Also, you do not have to let your baby cry it out at 8 days old! That's pretty ridiculous advice.
I would work on trying to get off the shield only because it can be a pain and it's just one less thing to remember. If you need it though, use it!
I remember thinking when O was around 3 weeks that BFing sucked and I hated it. I wanted to quit briefly. We didn't though and now BFing is about the easiest thing ever. I have read that you shouldn't make any big decision on a bad day. Wait until things get a little bit better and then decide if you want to keep nursing or not. You are doing a great job! Your instincts are going to be better than what some PA has to say most of the time. Do what feels right for you. Also, make sure you really like the LC you see, if you don't find a new one. You'll want a great LC to help be your sounding board and support.
Big hugs!!
Don't listen to your PA. You ARE doing everything right. Newborns eat round the clock, it is perfect that you are feeding on demand, that is exactly what you are supposed to do for your baby & for your milk supply. (Never limit a nursing baby to X times per day, that's ridiculous.)
10oz gain in 5 days is awesome! (my DS was the same way, he averaged 2oz/day for the first month) I have never heard of scolding a mother for too much weight gain. Again DO NOT let the PA upset you. Unfortunately doctors & nurses are not as educated in breastfeeding as they should be.
You are absolutely correct to feed when your DS roots, sucks on hand, etc. Those are hunger cues. Again medical professionals are often not educated about breastfeeding.
Good luck with the LC, I'm sure she'll be more helpful & reassuring. I have never used a nipple shield but from what I have heard once you are off that things will get easier. Even without the shield it takes time to get into a routine. For your sore nipples try gel soothies & nipple butter.
Hang in there mama, it will get better!
You are in the really difficult part. The first 2 months are the absolute hardest, if you can just make it through that time frame, it truly does get so much easier. Right now you are doing everything right. You're feeding your baby based on his hunger cues, you are seeing a lactation consultant to work on weaning from the shield. These are great things. It is overwhelming at first, but you're doing a great job.
It sounds to me like the PA is uninformed on breastfeeding. I would not be inclined to listen to her advice and just keep doing what you've been doing. Yes, 10oz is a lot in 5 days but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. My DS gained a pound a week, for the first month. Then he gained a pound every two weeks, for the 2nd month. He was just stocking up and started really leaning out at 6 months. Not all babies will grow according to the standard growth chart. My DS has been on every curve from 90th percentile to 10th percentile in his 2 years for weight. Nothing is wrong with him he just grows at his own pace and there are times when he eats lots and times he hardly eats a thing.
That doctor is an idiot. Ignore her! My son was a pound over his birth weight at his one week appointment. My doctor told me he was healthy! You are 100% right, watch the baby not the clock. If he starts acting really uncomfortable and spitting up buckets right after you feed him, then you might want to look at if he's getting too much to fast. But if he's content right after you feed him, you are doing it right! I hope that your regular doctor is more supportive of breastfeeding than the one you saw, if he's not, I would strongly encourage you to try to find another doctor! Hopefully the LC will have some great advice and will be able to get the two of you off the shield.
The hormones take a while to calm down, but it happens. Those first few weeks are the worst. Hang in there! You are doing great!
Refuse to see that PA again. She doesn't know jack about breastfeeding and is giving you bad advice. If they ask why you won't see her, tell the office as much: her advice is sabotaging your breastfeeding.
You are doing a great job. Hang in there. Just get through it one day at a time, and things will improve. Try to connect with a breastfeeding support group via your hospital or La Leche.
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I applaud you for what you are doing!! Not all babies eat by the book and they definitely don't grow by them!
It took most of my DD's 2 years to finally have the guts to say no to doctors and I sure wish I could have earlier. She went through all sorts of tests for weight gain.. either too much or -once she started walking- too little. She also ate only one side through all of our BFing time, and only about 10-15 minutes.
DS cluster fed for 4.5 hours the 2nd morning after his birth. He still will eat alot ~1.5 hours apart, 1 side, 15 minutes-- except at night when he'll go up to 4 hours.
As long as your baby is healthy, you are doing fine! Good luck with the shield transition!
I don't have much to add because you have already gotten so many great replies, except this:
You may be a ftm, but you have great mommy instincts. Nurse your son when he is hungry and you will be fine!
Enjoy your baby.
You've been given good advice already- keep following your baby's cues. We're 5.5 weeks in, and DD likes to cluster at night for 2 to 3 to 4+ hours. However, when she does this, she sleeps for much longer stretches, so it is worth it. It is already easier... and it will get easier for you too.
You also mentioned being overwhelmed by visitors. I'd just tell them that you're really not up for visitor's right now- you're starting to feel the effects of sleep deprivation, and need a little time. Ask them to come by in a few weeks... hopefully they'll get the hint. I remember being overwhelmed by visitors when DS was born. This time around, we didn't have any. It was MUCH better, and I'm just now starting to be up for visitors and they're coming now. So much easier, and I've found my rhythm with both kids.
Good job momma! I agree with everyone else, it sounds like you are doing everything right.
DD was 6 lb 1 oz at 5 days old and went to 6 lbs 10 oz at 12 days old and our pedi was very happy with that weight gain (birth weight was 5lbs 15 oz).
I would just keep feeding on demand. Good luck getting off the shield.
Hang in there!!! Possibly the best prebaby advice I got was "breastfeeding is the hardest part of having a new baby!" And she said the first month was super hard. It took us until 6 weeks - he's 9 weeks now and it's finally easy!
At 4 weeks my boobs and crotch both still hurt and I remember wanting to cry all day. Then it finally got better. LC's are the best.
Getting baby naked is a necessity sometimes so he'll stay awake long enough to eat a good meal. You can do it!!!
You've gotten a lot of really great replies. Ignore the PA's advice. You're doing great.
Seriously, put a sign outside your door that says you and baby trying to catch up on sleep and can't have visitors right now. If they call, tell them you'll be more than happy to let them know when things settle down so they can stop by. You've got to tell people no so that you can sleep! Not only sleep, but it's uncomfortable trying to nurse a baby for the first time with people sitting around - especially with shields!
Try REALLY hard to get off the shield. It WILL make things easier. They're messy and obnoxious to keep up with. My nipples actually felt better without them. If you're feeling engorged, try to get a little milk out first to soften it up enough that he can latch.
You're doing great. Don't let the baby cry. Feed him on demand. Never see that PA again - and let the office know why! They need some BFing education!
The advice that the doctor is giving you is very very outdated. My mom told me that is what they told her when she had me (feed every 2-3 hours and 10-15 minutes per side) and I'm 30 years old. When you are EBF you are supposed to feed on demand and you are supposed to let LO feed for as long as he wants on one side. You can offer the other side but he may or may not take it and that's just fine.
I think you are doing a great job. A 10 oz weight gain in 5 days is incredible.
My LO and I are getting ready to start week 3 and I just wanted to let you know that I have all the same feelings you are having. No one really prepared me for how difficult BFing was going to be. As far as the visitors, I have had to tell people that now is not a good time. I'm just too exhausted and sore to deal with company right now, and I think they understand.