Tacky or Necessary?

MarisaKathleen · May 2012

My girlfriend is due a month before me with her 2nd little boy. First little guy is 3. She was "so sure" she was never having more children she got rid of almost everything after her son outgrew them or didn't need them. She lent her car seat and a bouncer to her cousin who has lost them, but is planning on replacing them when new one gets here.

I got an invite for a sprinkle for her over the weekend. I spent quite a bit of money on her last shower and never got a thank you (That's a big pet peeve of mine---why can't people send out thank you notes?!) and I think this it's pretty tacky to go. I can see if her family wanted to throw something small for her with just family, but she's hosting it herself and there are 28 of us invited.

Would you attend? And if you would, would you bring along a gift knowing full well that she won't be buying something for your shower for your first baby because she's "broke?" I realize showers aren't about reciprocity, but I just can't get over that little tidbit.

Megroons · May 2012

It is also one of my pet peeves to not get a thank you card. Very rude! She's throwing it herself ? Sad

definitely wouldn't go....

starrysmile18 · May 2012

How good of a friend is she?

An acquaintance? (sp?)- Then I'd pass. No time for that bolonga..

hmp1 · May 2012

If she is a true friend, yes I would go and bring a small gift. I would completely side eye all the tackiness going on (large second shower, hosted by her, lack of thank yous).

mlf625 · May 2012

It's not your problem she's broke, YOU didn't decide she should have another baby.

I wouldn't go, not because it's a second shower, but because she's hosting it herself (wtf?) AND she never thanked you for the first shower/gift. You're busy that day.

allimg22 · May 2012

My general rule with second showers is that I usually don't attend. I will get a gift for them if I would have gotten them a gift anyway.

Manx4 · May 2012

As PP have said, if she was close to me, yes. If she is just someone I know...probably not.

drubie · May 2012

Bring a package of diapers

I do think it's tacky to throw your own shower/sprinkle, and also terrible to not send thank you cards, so I probably wouldn't go, but I would send a (very small) gift and a card.

linzeek44 · May 2012

I think it sounds tacky of her, and my pet peeve is not getting a thank you, so I'd probably not go...

Unless it was a really good friend and I felt like I'd be buying a gift anyway because I wanted to (rather than buying one because I was invited to a party where it was expected).

HRP22 · May 2012

Tacky - I wouldn't go or go and bring a very small gift (if close friend).

Honestly, I could care less about thank you cards. My sister is notorious for not writing them, but I'd rather her just say thank you to my face with a little tidbit of how she used the item or what she liked about it. She doesn't even do that .. grrr..

Anyhow, the fact that she is throwing herself a second shower, and 3 years later after the first with a sprinkle of 28 people! Um no. That's not a sprinkle..

jbtobe · May 2012

I'm with you - not sending a thank you card is so rude. I also agree that a "Sprinkle" with her family would be fine, but inviting people who were invited to the shower for the first baby is a little rude, in my opinion.

I probably wouldn't go...and I know it's not about reciprocity, but it would be hard for me to spend (more) money on her, knowing she's not coming to my shower.

skyejo · May 2012

Wow, this one's a real gem. I'd skip it.

tinyhumantoe · May 2012

Could it be that a friend or family member is throwing the sprinkle for her at her house? I am just wondering how you know she is throwing it herself...

Anyway, I would probably mail a small gift and "regretfully" decline attending the shower. It would be embarrassing to me to have others see my involuntary eye rolls!

IBackBevo · May 2012

If she is a close friend, I would go but I would just bring an inexpensive gift - like maybe one outfit for the little one or something like that.

MarisaKathleen · May 2012

Before I knew about this thing I did get her 2 cute little outfits but was saving those for once she had him. I suppose it won't really matter when I give them to her.

I actually won't be going to the shower--my cousin who is doing the mural in our nursery just called to let me know she's going to be in town that same weekend and will be coming over to paint on that Saturday! Guess it all worked out for the best!

GreyLove · May 2012

I wouldn't go solely because she didn't send me a thank you note for the first shower and is throwing herself a large second shower. That screams tackiness to me. If she was a very good friend, I'd give her a little gift some other time.

lowkeysbride · May 2012

It seems like everyone I know has either gotten married or had a baby in the last few years. MH and I have been to dozens of weddings, showers, 1st birthdays etc and we always bring a nice gift. It really annoys me that now that it's our turn, everyone that we bought nice gifts for suddenly seems like they've fallen on hard times and is telling us up front that they won't be able to do anything for our baby shower. Now, what really frosts this cake is the fact that MH and eloped and NO ONE had to come to any shower or party for us, or get us a wedding gift!

Now, like you said, we aren't supposed to get gifts and go to all of these events in the hope that anyone will reciprocate and get us gifts... but it would be nice if they did! Bottom line: I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel bad about it, haha!

White0rchid · May 2012

Ugh. I also find this to be irritating. I got rid of all of our baby stuff- minus some clothing- after DD2 because I was pretty sure we wouldn't have a third. I am the one who decided to have a third, so I would never dream of asking anyone else to replace the stuff I gave away. We are purchasing what we need to replace on our own. People were very generous when we had our shower for DD1, so I couldn't imagine asking any of them to gift us anything again.

If she's a good friend, I would buy her something small and call it a day.

jenkanne · May 2012

I think I would mail her a card with a gift card inside. I'm afraid that I feel the same way about "throwing your own shower" - and I'd be a little miffed about the lack of a thank you card.

hmp1 · May 2012

I think it is funny how many people say they would decline the invite but send a gift. If I'm giving her a gift she may as well feed me some cake and punch.

MrsAB1316 · May 2012

I think if she IS throwing the "sprinkle" (which...with 28 peeps...it's a shower) then it's tacky. However, I have friends who don't know any better and I put aside my personal issues with etiquette and whatnot to be there for them. It really just depends on how close you two are.

That being said...let the thank you note thing go. She may have sent it and it got lost in the mail...she may have given it to her DH to send and he never did...or she may just not have done thank you notes. Whatever the case is....you don't know for sure. When we traded in DH's car a few months ago, I found a few thank you notes from our wedding (in 2009!!!!) in his trunk. I was mortified and of course immediately called those people to thank them and explain the mishap. Most of them didn't even care and got a good laugh out of it.