TTC - a sex issue

jessicamused · May 2012

I wasn't sure how to word the subject of the post so I hope that works! My husband and I just started to try a couple of months ago. We are trying for our first. My husband has a unique issue that I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced before. Although he is able to orgasm through manual stimulation, he says that he doesn't know if he orgasms during sex. He can't tell. I find it very strange that he doesn't know but it's what we are dealing with. Obviously if he's not coming during sex then we will never be able to get pregnant. I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever had this issue before and if so, what did you do to try and help it? I have searched the internet and there really isn't anything there. Anything would be helpful! Thank you!

MrsC430 · May 2012

I don't really know how to answer this without sounding graphic but here's my attempt. Even though he can't tell, can't YOU tell? The aftermath of sex should speak for itself.

I would suggest he sees a Urologist if it continues. I'm no doctor, but that sounds a little out of the ordinary and something that should be checked into.

Good luck.

saintpaulJess · May 2012

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Ditto what MrsC said. You should have some "leakage" after sex, especially when you go pee the first time.

ShadyKull · May 2012

Like the previous poster said, you can probably figure out whether he is ejaculating with a bit of investigation on your part, know what I mean? If it seems that he isn't ejaculating, he should see his doctor and/or a urologist to see if they can be of some assistance. Otherwise, there are other (less fun and sexy) ways of getting that sperm where it needs to go. I think one recent poster said she had her husband ejaculate into a cup, then used a lunette or diva cup to get the semen right up against her cervix. HTH!

mrskitton · May 2012

Indifferent

He can't tell if he finishes?? Huh. Yeah, he needs to see a dr.

laurapacheco · May 2012

mrskitton:

He can't tell if he finishes?? Huh. Yeah, he needs to see a dr.

Agreed. I have never heard of anything like this before. TTC aside, this is an issue that should be addressed. Maybe there are some subconscious psychological factors at play here. Good luck!

kaybuggy87 · May 2012

Umm... I would think an orgasm would be a little hard to miss. If he is "getting off" but not ejaculating, that's a different story! He should definitely see a doctor. God Luck!

Suz+Mo · May 2012

My RE specifically addressed this issue, so I'm guessing it's somewhat common (I mean, it was brought up in our new patient questionaire so it can't be that uncommon) Like PP, I think you guys should see a doctor....it might be something as simple as a vitamin or hormone deficiency or it may indicate something more serious.

brittandjp · May 2012

He's not coming, you'd definitely know if he were. I'd recommend he see a doctor ASAP.

CloudBee · May 2012

Suz+Mo:
My RE specifically addressed this issue, so I'm guessing it's somewhat common.

Pretty common. Even scar tissue from circumcision can cause difficulty without very firm stimulation/grib.

I would chat with your ob if you see them soon, and also talk to him about seeing a urologist. There are ways to get pregnant at home if your partner is having difficulty.

Good luck!

Dovey1122 · May 2012

This may be kind of a dumb test, but try having sex with a condom on. Once he thinks he's finished, you should have all the sperm or lack thereof, right there in the condom.

ariaforte8 · May 2012

ShadyKull:
Like the previous poster said, you can probably figure out whether he is ejaculating with a bit of investigation on your part, know what I mean? If it seems that he isn't ejaculating, he should see his doctor and/or a urologist to see if they can be of some assistance. Otherwise, there are other (less fun and sexy) ways of getting that sperm where it needs to go. I think one recent poster said she had her husband ejaculate into a cup, then used a lunette or diva cup to get the semen right up against her cervix. HTH!

Yes This. I would do the "investigations" covertly to start off with so your DH doesn't get too stressed about it. If you confirm he's not finishing (I can usually feel him finish and see the aftermath) then I would sit down with him to get him to go to the doc.

steph620 · May 2012

Dovey1122:
This may be kind of a dumb test, but try having sex with a condom on. Once he thinks he's finished, you should have all the sperm or lack thereof, right there in the condom.

That's a good idea! But yeah as PP said, he is probably not finishing or you would know. No question.

jessicamused · May 2012

Thanks everyone! We have been talking about it and he is actually the one that brought it up because he says he's never known (although he also said that he's always used condoms and since he was never with anyone that he was trying to get pregnant it wasn't really an issue). I don't get up right away to go pee but there is some leakage at least some of the time so I guess that would mean that he is finishing. Sorry about potential TMI but he says that part of the reason he can't tell is because I'm so wet and therefore it feels different than when he masturbates (and has no trouble finishing then). I told him a doctor might be a good idea but he's not really excited about it. We are in our third month of trying so it really hasn't been that long, I just figure if that's an issue that we might know about now, it would be easier to deal with it now than trying for so long only to find out that's the issue.

6to82010 · May 2012

jessicamused:
Thanks everyone! We have been talking about it and he is actually the one that brought it up because he says he's never known (although he also said that he's always used condoms and since he was never with anyone that he was trying to get pregnant it wasn't really an issue). I don't get up right away to go pee but there is some leakage at least some of the time so I guess that would mean that he is finishing. Sorry about potential TMI but he says that part of the reason he can't tell is because I'm so wet and therefore it feels different than when he masturbates (and has no trouble finishing then). I told him a doctor might be a good idea but he's not really excited about it. We are in our third month of trying so it really hasn't been that long, I just figure if that's an issue that we might know about now, it would be easier to deal with it now than trying for so long only to find out that's the issue.

We have had problems with MH not being able to "finish" during EWCM/FW because its too lubricated. Nature can be cruel sometimes. We've managed to get around it and make it work (eventually)

LollipopsAndCrisps · May 2012

I would suggest your DH see both a urologist and a counselor. It sounds like there is either a physical or psychological issue. Or both. GL to you both.

amsteinbrecher · May 2012

hmmm...sometimes my partner has some similar issues... while I think the BEST advice has already been given... as far as seeing a doctor etc... here is something that my partner and I have tried...

manual stimulation until right before the orgasm... then I climb on top... works for us every time.

brookelynpaisley · May 2012

amsteinbrecher:

hmmm...sometimes my partner has some similar issues... while I think the BEST advice has already been given... as far as seeing a doctor etc... here is something that my partner and I have tried...

manual stimulation until right before the orgasm... then I climb on top... works for us every time.

Home long did it take you to go through 8 pages of posts?

jessicamused · May 2012

Ok so being new here I can't figure out how to PM you.... I'm sure it's easy and I'm just missing it.

jessicamused · May 2012

Thanks. I did that. Now my question is when I get a message back where does it show up? Is there an "inbox" or something somewhere? Thanks.

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