feeling lost

whiteroses05 · May 2012

So lost on what to do and I know u ladies would understand. My sister is scheduled to go into the hopsital tomorrow for a c-section. She and I were 10 week apart on due dates. I dont really know what to do. I have mixed feelings on whether or not to go to the hospital. I feel like I should be there as a sister. On the other hand I am scaried to take away from everything by the fear of breaking down. I just dont know if I can handle being surrounded by newborns. I am truely happy for her. Just feeling lost on what to do.

ehlersm · May 2012

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My brother and his wife had their baby this week. Her due date was 3 days before mine. I went to the hospital after the baby was born and held her for about 2 hours. I was surprised at how good it felt to hold a baby. The hardest part was driving there and the anticipation. Whatever decision you make is the right one. You have to take care of yourself first and everyone will understand if you decide not to go. And if you go and do break down, you can always leave. I hope tomorrow goes quickly for you - I will be thinking of you!

lrichmond86 · May 2012

Like PP, I have found that the anticipation of meeting a new baby is always worse than actually meeting them. I have yet to go back to a hospital to visit a new baby since our loss, and we've had 4 very close friends have their babies since then. For me, it's not really the baby that's painful, it's the memory of my time in labor and delivery that the hospital brings up. I was very close to my first friend to have her baby after our loss (we did all the pregnancy things together, so it was particularly difficult). Like you, I was really worried about how I would react at the hospital and that I might put a damper on their happy occasion. For her, I bought two cards to go to the hospital with DH (he felt strongly about going)... one for mommy, daddy, and baby and the other one just for the mom. In her card I wrote a very long, very personal, very honest note explaining how happy I was for them and how much I looked forward to meeting their daughter, but that it was going to have to be in a way that was comfortable for me. This seemed to really mean a lot to my friend, and she was really wonderful about it. I guess the point of this long-winded response is that you need to do what feels right for you. Don't worry about not being there for her... you will be when you're ready to. I think that people, in general, are more understanding than we give them credit for. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! Best of luck for you and your sister, and wishing her a joyful and uneventful delivery!

magdalina.h · May 2012

Hopefully as your sister she will understand if you break down. I went to the hospital a month later to visit a co-worker. It was hard, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Their son, was not MY son. He was not my baby. It took me awhile before I could hold him and I did cry a little, but the parents completely understood and were very patient with me.

BUT that's me. I was always fine around friend's babies, it's the stranger babies that hurt me.

tuscanbride2007 · May 2012

I think whatever you decide to do, your sister will support you no matter what. As with everything else I have experienced since our loss, thinking about it is always worse than actually doing it. Hugs to you!

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