Hi Friends

WorkinWeezel · May 2012

I just wanted to thank all of you for your unending kindness and for reaching out with encouraging words, and letting me be sad. I'm really sad. I can't stop crying, and when I talk to my husband I just feel angry. I know it's not his fault, and I have no idea who/what to blame.

I'm in Harrisburg all weekend grading state assessments, and have this big hotel room all to myself. This is the first that I've allowed myself to just sit and think since I got the negative- and an hour later my full-on period- yesterday morning. I feel like I can't breathe.

I plan on doing another round of clomid this month, again just 25/25/25 for three days. I go on the 18th to see the doctor. At that meeting, I'm going to discuss other medication options with him, along with a break cycle, and ask him about some signs of depression that I'm feeling lately. I don't know if it is the hormones and meds, or if I'm truly getting depressed. But I just hate being sad, and jealous, and angry, and hopeless all the time. I'm just not me anymore.

Thanks again for listening and for always being there. Even though I feel very alone IRL, on here, I know I have people that understand.

((hugs))

lillinzlou · May 2012

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have to tell you, I felt the same way when on Clomid. It made everything so out of wack that I couldn't help but feel hopeless all the time. I would def talk to the doc about other options.

We are always here if you need us.

nelli27 · May 2012

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. We can all relate--it's such an awful feeling to want something so bad, to work so hard to get it and end up unsuccessful (so far). I read your update the other day and was so sad to hear your mom's response to your text. I have had nearly the same thing happen with my mom and decided to stop talking to her about our situation. It was just to painful when she would blow it off and act like I was making a fuss about nothing.

I am in no way trying to minimize your pain and what you're dealing with, but when I was on Clomid I became very depressed. It really messed with my mind and exaggerated the feelings related to IF. I've been on Femara the past two cycles and it's been MUCH better. Apparently it doesn't stay in your system while Clomid does. My doctor doesn't use Clomid for that reason. He said it's just too difficult on women's emotions during an already difficult process. I don't think Femara has had any affect on my mood. You might consider asking your RE about it.

Huge hugs to you!!

doxiegirl419 · May 2012

Weez, I have been thinking about you too. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sad right now.

Like some of the other girls, I have felt much more emotional, depressed and on edge with the Clomid as well. I'm glad that you'll be talking to your Dr. about other options. I may do the same because l feel like it's really pushing me over the edge.

We're all here for you and thinking of you. I wish I could give you a hug! I hope today will be a better day.

mrsjami · May 2012

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, know you are not alone. Agree if the blues are getting worse, talk to your doc. I took paxil after my last loss and it helped me get back on track. I only needed it for a few months, but you do what you have to do. Hugs:)

DahliaFlower · May 2012

I know at times I felt pretty depressed, even considered starting anti-depressant meds. I didn't notice a huge issue when I used Clomid (only for one cycle), but I know MANY people do. On the other hand, while the injectables are expensive, you may get more bang for your buck in terms of nice follies, and I'll tell you I felt awesome. Probably b/c my estrogen was through the roof!

One of the things that helped my mood a lot was acupuncture. That helped me to avoid meds.

Sometimes taking some time to cry it out actually helps! I hope you will feel better as you head into the next cycle. That's one nice thing, with every cycle, there's hope.

AprilDrew04 · May 2012

I'm so sorry to hear about your rough weekend. Sometimes those BFN come at the worst of times, and having to be away from your child and DH made this one worse I bet. We are always here for you. Enjoy your end of the school year and I hope once you are home with your family you start feeling a little better.