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August 2012 Moms
MoFree
member
I must be from a different planet
MoFree
member
Reading all the responses why girls/boys are wonderful, I must be loving in a different world
I am not close with my mother, she is not my best friend, I shopped for my wedding gown alone and we do not have long heart-to-heart conversations.
I am not into shopping except at farmer's markets and craft fairs
I don't care for many of the girl clothing, especially with "princess," "I love shopping" or "diva" sayings, oversized bows, headbands or ruffles.
My husband is not at all handy, does not use tools, fix cars or engage in many other typical male activities.
i cringe at the thought of a daddy's girl who learns by manipulation or inappropriate behavior to get whatever she wants from him.
What I am looking forward to is raising a child who transcends gender stereotypes and raise her/ him to be a kind, caring, empathic and strong person.
TTC since 3-08
IVF # 1 Dec 2011 BFP
DD born at 31 weeks 6-24-12
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I must be from a different planet
This post made me roll my eyes a bit.
I'm not super close with my mom either and didn't really care what her opinion was for my wedding dress. She and I are cool but not BFFs.
I also hate "diva", "princess" shirts as well as "little man", "MVP" and the like.
I HATE shopping. Manipulation is bad for either sex but it happens.
HOWEVER, I love spending time with my DD. She's not my bestie, she's my daughter. I don't buy her annoying shirts and things. I don't mind shopping for HER. She has daddy wrapped around her finger, but she doesn't rule the house.
My daughter is a kind, caring emphatic person. She is a very strong person even at her young age. She likes princess dolls as well as cars and tools.
Crazy how she turned out so well even with all the bows, shopping and hanging out with daddy in the garage.
Ditto the bolded, but I agree, I think you are reading into some of these things too much. Sterotypes while not always good have a tendency to be true. Not always true but obviously enough to note a trend. There are exceptions to every rule.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
I take it from this question that you have not spent much time around toddler boys and girls. I am amazed by the inborn differences in the sexes that nuture just cannot be attributed to. Ask any mom who has had boys and girls, the inborn differences are obvious. Again, exceptions to every rule.
Thank you for enlightening me but I am aware of gender differences. I will say no more.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
All of this. My mom is my best friend (I see her almost every day) and since I'm an only child, I'm also a big daddy's girl.
Definitely!!
I was not trying to be rude, but you asked besides a penis what makes a boy, a boy. To me there are very clear differences between the sexes. You can't really argue that.
I am a tomboy. I never was and still not one for shopping for myself. My daughter loves it. She took after my mother. I am no longer close to my mom but neither were we best friends.I shopped for my own wedding dress. Dont/Wont go looking for my mother. I love pink but also guns.
My daughter loves pink but while in her dress and tiarra she will 'help' her dad fix his car, play shooting/racing video games, and do her cheer routine. Just because I cant wait to have a strong bond with my child doesnt mean she will be stuck in a gender stereotype.
Does that mean that me and my daughter are stuck in a gender stereotype? OP you definitely are taking things too serious. Just because we want to have a good relationship with our kids doesnt mean we are sticking/putting them female-only roles. That is truly up to the parent(s).
ETA: My daughter's name is originally an Egyptian queen, Nefertiti. It means the most precious one has come. My son's name will be Amir meaning prince. You raise your children how you want them to be raised and guess what.....they are their own person. If your daughter wants to be a stay-at-home soccer mom to 5 kids that is her choice. You can only guide them and show them there are other things out there.
i honestly don't know what you mean about cornering my little one in a dark alley.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
LOVE!!
BAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Girls tend to be able to sit and focus longer, in general. Boys tend to grunt more in response when they begin to speak. Boys tend to be more visual and spacial in their cognition. Girls tend to be more language oriented. There are other physiological and psychological differences.
The point is that the genders are different. One gender is not better than the other, but there are differences.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
The gender thing really bothers me. There are not just two genders. The genitalia you are born with does not dictate how you feel about yourself. For the majority of people, genitalia and how you feel are congruent. For some it is not. And as parents, there is NOTHING we can do to influence this in any way--all we can do is parents is show our kids that they are loved and accepted. And if there is any conditionally to your love and acceptance of your child, that's unfortunate (I am not saying anyone has expressed that view,however).
"Having a boy who knows he's a boy" is not guaranteed; you can have a boy who knows he has a penis and identifies as male later in life. Chances are, you will. Maybe you won't. And my daughter will be told she is a girl, will be allowed to play with or wear whatever she wants, and if down the road she tells me she doesn't identify as female, then so be it. Not everything around my house will be frilly and princessy and pink, but some things will and even more things will if that's what she takes a liking to. The fact is that our society is gendered, as harmful as that can be for some people, and I wouldn't try to raise my kid in a completely genderless environment; instead, I'll treat her in the way she is statistically most likely to want to be treated, while letting her know that I will love whoever she becomes.
I was born with girl parts, I know I am physically female. I don't necessarily see myself as a woman, but I also do not feel as if I am a man.
I stayed out of those earlier treads because I always feel left out of them. My mom died when I was 10, so while we were close, I haven't had that relationship in a very long time even with my stepmom. DH and I have done everything together that mothers and daughters do together, we went and found my wedding dress, and I've never really had much of a motherly presence in many big events of my life. Not to knock my stepmom; while we haven't been best friends, she has done a lot for me and continues to do so, and I appreciate her.
blog! thescenery.net
op, i get your point (i think).
you get that there are innate gender differences, but don't plan on nuturing or instilling the learned stereotypes. got it.
i don't get why your post was so confusing or flame worthy.
if someone took the time to read your post as it is written, sentence by sentence, they would realize that there is nothing negative or noteworthy about it. it was your opinion and experience. thanks for sharing. it was your opinion, just as everyone else had shared their opinion about what is so wonderful about girls and boys.
it appears that some read it and assumed it was an attack on raising your child "girly" or "manly".....even though there is no such attack in your post. some people will read what they want to read. oh well.
i'm not sure why our kids would meet up in an alley but, if they did, i'm pretty sure no one would leave traumatized.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
I totally get that you would want to raise your child to be "immune" to gender stereotypes, in that you would want your child to appreciate or be able to participate in gender-stereotypical behaviors regardless of their sex. Like boys being able to play with dolls and girls playing with trucks (for example).
However, I also think it's important to help your child develop their own personal identity, including their sexual identity. I think it's important that boys know they are boys, and they know about the gender stereotypes that culture/society has for boys. Same for girls. Kids aren't dumb--they can see that boys and girls are different and if you try to pretend that there is no difference, then you might lose some of your child's respect. Have you heard of Storm, the baby who no one even knows if it is a boy or a girl? I think this is extreme and a big mistake. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-storm-raised-genderless-gender-dangerous-experiment-child/story?id=13693760#.T6fuELNYu30
I also think a lot of gender-stereotypical behavior is inborn and you can't change it. My son has very little interest in playing quietly with dolls or having tea parties--I have tried it. He's physical, he wants to play sports or with cars/trucks. That's who he is and I'm not going to take it away from him.
The fact is that boys and girls are different in more ways than just anatomy. I think it's better to acknowledge these differences and teach your child about them rather than ignore them completely.