Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

When to introduce?

blurrybbyblurrybby
in Blended Families
Question: When is it okay to introduce your baby to someone you're dating?

I'm 19, and I have a 10 month old daughter. For the past month or so I've been seeing a guy who is 20 and has an 18 month old son. We're taking it slow, we've only been on a few dates and text most of the day. I've never met his son and he's never met my daughter. I'm curious as to when it would be appropriate for us to come and meet each others kid and have them meet as well? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: When to introduce?

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    when you think something serious will come of the relationship.  the last thing your daughter (and likewise his son) needs is people coming in and out of his life. 

    take a good look at his relationship with his child and the relationship with the mom as well, these are good indicators of whats to come...

                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • blush64blush64 member

    I didn't introduce my sons to by boyfriend as my boyfriend until we were engaged. (we decided we would get married as long as things went well with the kids) After they met him as my boyfriend they got to know him for over two more years and then we got married. He moved in after we were married.

     My husband is someone they had met previously because he is a best friend of my brother-in-law.

    I don't think it's a good idea to introduce kids until you are sure this is someone you will be spending you life with. (and then be prepared to take even longer making sure they get to know each other well) I love my husband very much but I was prepared to walk away had my kid and him not been able to get along even though we were at the point of getting engaged.

    EDIT This worked for my family but to be honest I don't think this is one answer to this.

    It might be unpopular but I think it's more important for parents to put dating off while their kids are young.

    EDIT No matter what I felt after several months I just don't think it's enough time to really know someone. I know people who have met and married in only that much time and it worked well but I just don't think months is enough time. It didn't take me years to figure out I loved and wanted to marry my husband but I wanted to take time because the lives of two children were involved.

    Report Reply
  • CheerileeCheerilee member

    I met my SS before DH and I started dating so my situation is a little different.  However, it was months before we acted in such away around to clue SS in that I was more than his dad's friend.  We even usually sat on separate couches when I was over at their place.  

    BM has always had boyfriends in and out of her life, staying over, moving in, introducing them to her other children...  She even had the older of the kids calling her boyfriend "daddy" when he wasn't the BD.  Now, they're broken up and the poor thing probably doesn't know which way is up.

    Definitely wait until you know it is going to be something serious and longterm.  For us, that was a little over 6 months.  For others, it's a few years. 

    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
    Report Reply
  • hopankahopanka member
    Since the children are so small, you can casually meet at the playground and let them play together once. Your 10 month old and his 18 month old will not think anything of it. I wouldn't do this regularly though, in case your relationship doesn't work out. If you want to meet his child, do one play date and then wait until you guys are more serious to do any more regular get togethers....maybe 6 months or so into a committed relationship? It's hard to put a specific time on it, you'll know if/when you guys are seriously dating.
    Report Reply
  • IlumineIlumine member

    I am NOT knocking your age by any stretch of the imagination.  But the most important important thing I would want to know about the man I am dating is how is he as a father. 

    This is from a woman whose DH was 39 when I met him.  He was a great father to his daughter, but has turned out to have issues (that seriously affect our marriage) parenting his son.

    So I would wait a very long time.  Just in conversations you can figure out how he is with his son:

    1. does he get her for ALL of his visitation,
    2. does he look for more,
    3. does he willingly pay his CS and any extras or is it done grudgingly
    4. what does he do during his visitation time, does he sit around or does he come up with activities
    5. do your parenting styles match, ex, tv or no tv, electronic toys or wood,
    6. how does he punish? is he a spanker, time out, or a positive reinforecement kind of guy?
    7. SEE what his family dynamic is like?  A sure fire way of knowing what kind of parent and person you are is to know what the family is like...AND just how strong he agrees with them or disagrees with them.

    Then, what is he like with his Ex?  Is it a good working relationship?  Is it a crazy one?  Can you find substantiating evidince that she really IS as crazy as he says (this is if he says she is crazy). This WILL matter.  Because if you do become permanent, you AND YOUR CHILD will always be tied to this woman. 

    Finally, what are his prospects like?  Is he bettering himself?  That doesnt necessarily mean college, but is he in a job that has growth potential and is he TAKING it?  My uncle doesnt have a college degree and he started out building home with his father who owned a sheet rock company.  As a young 18yo, he started buying properties and learning the other parts of house building.  He now owns over 20 rental properties and his own House Building company. 

    I would not bring my child around anyone who isnt a good role model.  And for me, to figure all of that out, it will take at least 6 months. Other than abusers, no one can keep up apperances that long, so you will get a pretty good picture of him by then.

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
    Report Reply
  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    DH and I met in Nov 2005, and began a casual dating relationship in Jan 2008. We became exclusive in March 2008, so this is where we usually date the beginning of our relationship.

    I introduced DH (as just a friend) to DS (3 at the time) in April 2008. DS had met plenty of my friends, so it was a no pressure way for us to see how things went. We just went to the beach, so it was no different for DS than hanging out with any of my other friends.

    DH spent another half day or so with DS and I a few weeks later. Then in June 2008, we decided to be a couple in front of DS. DS was only 3, so I can't remember what we told him.

    DH and I later married in June 2009.  

    my read shelf:
    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • DarthNBJenniDarthNBJenni

    imagehopanka:
    Since the children are so small, you can casually meet at the playground and let them play together once. Your 10 month old and his 18 month old will not think anything of it. I wouldn't do this regularly though, in case your relationship doesn't work out. If you want to meet his child, do one play date and then wait until you guys are more serious to do any more regular get togethers....maybe 6 months or so into a committed relationship? It's hard to put a specific time on it, you'll know if/when you guys are seriously dating.

    This is what we did. We took our girls to Chick Fil A and let them play. He wasn't introduced as my boyfriend, he was the daddy to Emma - just like the girls' other friends had moms and dads. It was important for me to see how he was as a father.  

    image

    imageimage

    TheseFourButton-1.png

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"