What is your opinion on sending children to school at a younger age?

lpcj · May 2012

My daughter is a September baby. Her birthday is the first week of school. The cutoff for my school district is October 1 so she could start kindergarten this September. My husband and I along with her pre-K teacher agree that she should probably wait another year but now I'm second guessing myself. What's your opinion on sending a child off to kindergarten when they aren't quite "there" yet?

KathrynMD · May 2012

There's nothing to be lost by waiting another year IMO, much to be gained by waiting.

rsd12 · May 2012

We knew we were going to hold out our Dec 26th boy when he was born, the cutoff here is Dec 31st. He has a speech delay and our town agreed with us and planned to keep providing services for another yr of preschool. And we were planning on holding out our Sept 20 son too because of the late cutoff in our state. But we are relocating and the cutoff is Sept 1st! So that works perfectly for our family!

pea-kay · May 2012

I would trust the teacher's advice and your own gut instinct and wait.

Wally3 · May 2012

I would send her. The cutoffs are what they are. Unless she has a significant delay. Teachers of course want them to spend another paying year in preschool.

capulet · May 2012

I think it depends on what you mean by "not quite 'there' yet." That's pretty vague. We have the opposite situation - DD has an October birthday and we just moved from a state with a Dec. 1 cutoff to an August 31 cutoff. Assuming the kindergarten teacher at her school (pre-K through 8) agrees with her current teacher and all her previous preschool teachers, she'll move on up to kindergarten this fall, because she's cognitively ready, she behaves in the classroom, and while she can be shy in new situations, she has good social skills and is friends with the other kids who are moving up. She'll always be the youngest and the smallest, but she does fine with that. Can you get a kindergarten teacher to assess whether your DD is ready? I think that would be the deciding factor for me.

Tarta · May 2012

I was 4 when I started kindergarten. I was cognitively ready for school and got good grades all the way through college. I was, however, socially a little awkward especially when all my classmates were going through puberty before me. It worked out ok when I hit high school, but there were some pretty rough times in elementary. It's a tough call, and she will probably be fine either way, but there's nothing wrong with waiting. I think you'll find your daughter will be more confident among her classroom peers.

Court0026 · May 2012

It is a very personal decision. My son is a very "late" baby for school purposes. Our cutoff is 12/1. I know many kids born around the same time as him and it is a constant discussion. If I had reservations, I would definitely hold him back a year, or strongly consider it. You, your DH, and her teachers are going to be the best people to make the call.

In his case, my son's case, he is reading, writing, spelling, skip counting, etc. He is typical for his age with speech, peer relationships, and so on. I can see 0 reasons to hold him back especially considering he still has 1 year + before he starts. This has made my decision easier at this point.

livinitup · May 2012

I think it's fine either way.

CMM05 · May 2012

To me, it sounds like you have answered your question.You said that you, your DH and the teacher think she shouldn't start.....and you said "not quite there yet."

Hold her back.

Everyone does around here for the most part.

As a middle school teacher, yes, I see a big difference in the kids who were NOT held back.

Yes, there are always exceptions, but there is really no disadvantage to holding them back a year.

DS1 is an October baby and DS2 is a November baby. Here in Michigan, the cut-off is currently Dec. 15th, although they are in the process of trying to push it back to Sept. 1st.

We are holding both of our boys back a year. DS1 is ready for Kindergarten......most kids are. But, it isn't Kindergarten/1st grade that you should be worried about, it is the later grades when the deficits start to show.

GL with your decision!

Worcbride · May 2012

KathrynMD:
There's nothing to be lost by waiting another year IMO, much to be gained by waiting.

ditto; if professionals are saying she's not ready why put her in a situation that could cause her frustration and taint her love of learning?

Ciarrai · May 2012

My mom was a teacher for over 45 years before retiring this year and she ALWAYS says "When in doubt, keep them out." I know it sounds cheesy, but she doesn't know anyone who regrets keeping their kids out with late birthdays but she knows plenty of parents who regret or question sending their kids with late birthdays. In my experience with other parents, I'd say the same thing. I have plenty of friends who have kept kids out and plenty who haven't. Those who have kept kids out, think it's the best thing they could have done for their kids. Of those who didn't, some (many?) say they wish they'd kept the kids out or at least considered it. As Kathryn said "There's nothing to be lost by waiting another year but much to be gained." It's as much about social and maturity as academics, if not more.

sucredee · May 2012

I'm an October baby and started 1st grade when I was 5 (I grew up in the Netherlands where everyone starts school as soon as they turn 4 even if it is in the middle of the year. So there it doesn't become an issue until 1st grade). I am glad I was started then. I could read and I was a tall kid so most people didn't realize I was the youngest. I stayed tall so even in high school (which starts in 7th grade) I was one of the tallest people in my class and socially I was mature enough as well. I think if you DD isn't developmentally ready then hold her back. If she is and the only reason you are thinking about holding her back is this magic cutoff date then I would not hesitate to start her in kindergarten.

gimmietimmies · May 2012

I have two with birthdays a month before the cutoff. I see no reason to delay kindergarten. If dc is struggling, I would just redo kindergarten, which is an option in my school district for kids near the cutoff. I'd rather make the evaluation after a year of instruction from a curriculum rather than an guess. Developmental testing is a great tool, but not for a lay person. I'd rather leave that assessment to someone with training.

FWIW, I have held ds back. His birthday is just after the cutoff, so he's at the oldest end of the class. Yes, he has a learning disability, but that's not a reason in of itself to repeat a grade. He was really struggling, and this made it far easier for him to cope.

mariagarcia495 · May 2012

It?s not preferable to send kids at a younger age, at least according to me.

KL777 · May 2012

I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say "not quite there yet". I would need more clarification.

I started kindergarten at age 4 and turned 5 at the end of the month and I think it was great. I got to do everything at an earlier age than my peers (graduating from high school, college, etc.)

Jinsy80 · May 2012

Our cut-off date is 12/1. DD2's birthday is 11/30. She has delays, so we're probably going to have to hold her back. Otherwise, I'd definitely send her to kindergarten at 4. I don't like this whole holding back business unless there's a real need.

KathrynMD · May 2012

Tarta:
I was 4 when I started kindergarten. I was cognitively ready for school and got good grades all the way through college. I was, however, socially a little awkward especially when all my classmates were going through puberty before me. It worked out ok when I hit high school, but there were some pretty rough times in elementary. It's a tough call, and she will probably be fine either way, but there's nothing wrong with waiting. I think you'll find your daughter will be more confident among her classroom peers.

This is me too - I'm a December baby (as is my DD); and I started school @ 4. I was intellectually/academically ready and on par w/ classmates, but I had a lot of confidence/self-esteem issues in early childhood that I think were largely due to starting school at 4. I'm glad the cut off for oru school district is Sept. 1 so I don't have to worry about this with DD.

lpcj · May 2012

To elaborate....She started off the year crying every day I dropped her off and would mope for 3 hours after I dropped her off (it broke my heart knowing this). Now she is much better but she spent so much time moping and not learning that she?s a little bit behind. Socially she?s great?she?s made friends?she plays?she participates in class activities, etc. Academically, she still doesn?t identify all of the letters or numbers and still is a little reluctant to learn new things.

SeasideBride06 · May 2012

lpcj:

To elaborate....She started off the year crying every day I dropped her off and would mope for 3 hours after I dropped her off (it broke my heart knowing this). Now she is much better but she spent so much time moping and not learning that she?s a little bit behind. Socially she?s great?she?s made friends?she plays?she participates in class activities, etc. Academically, she still doesn?t identify all of the letters or numbers and still is a little reluctant to learn new things.

I think it is a case by case situation and you should look at each individual child to make the decision.

However, as an educator, and based on what you have said, I would probably hold her out another year.

jlw2505 · May 2012

I would hold off if you and your childs teacher don't think she is ready. That extra year can be huge for kids. Can you keep her in a preschool or year before K program for the year? Some areas have young 5s classes for kids like your DD. I held my older DD back (should have started kindy this year but will start in the fall) and it has been such a blessing. She has grown and matured so much in this last year. In her PreK class last year, she often played on her own and jsut had a hard time while this year, she has a lot of good friends, particpates in class, loves playing with her friends, loves having playdates and is so interested in learning. Had we sent her to kindergarten, she would have really struggled and possibly would have repeated. I have 2 friends who have kids that are very close to their states cutoffs who sent their kids to kindy this year and are repeating it next year as they just felt their kids were not where they should be and are really struggling - the struggles are both social and academic. I have never heard anyone who has held a child back say they regret it but I have heard a lot of parents who had been on the fence and didn't hold back so that they wish they could do it over and hold their child back. I know in every class their needs to be an oldest and a youngest but if you and the teachers have concernns now, I would follow my gut. There is a not a right or wrong answer here - only you know what will be best for your child - and think about how she will do this year but also think about her when she is 10 or 16 or going off to college - will she be ready?

MammaBear81 · May 2012

I have one September and one October baby. They will both be starting school on the "early side" our cut off is December 1st. DS1 was more than ready for Kindergarten, and unless DD1 takes a major detour in her learning and social skills she will be starting K in 2013. Each child is different, you have to evaluate if your child does well with kids at her level, or kids above her level. Some kids "rise to the challenge" and others are intimidated by it.

I don't agree when parents decide to wait simply because of their child's birthday, but if you all agree that she isn't "there" yet another year of pre K might be what she needs.

UsedToBeGoldie · May 2012

i was a K teacher - and rarely did I see a child that I thought should have waited the extra year. Especially girls.

Unless she has a diagnosed learning issue/speech issue- i would not keep a girl back just b/c of a late birthday.... MAYBE a boy - but only if he really was horribly immature.... it's rare that a girl needs to be kept back at that age.

Emilia0101 · May 2012

My DD's bday is 9/2 cut off is 9/1 in our state we are currently living in but being a military family we will move often so the chances of us going to another state that is 10/1 11/1 or even 12/1 is an option before school starts. Personally, I am sure academic wise she is ready, but socially I still worry things may not show up right away but down the road they would (they did for my sister who had a late Aug bday). We will hold her back. I plan on keeping her active in pre-k, sports, dance, swimming, etc. Overall confident with our choice.

tiki_life · May 2012

I have gone back and forth on this over the course of my life but am currently on the wait the extra year side of the fence. I was an early November baby and started kindergarten before I turned 5. I was always fine academically, but socially I had a lot of trouble and was physically smaller than my friends & classmates until late high school. Some of the downsides included always feeling like I was terrible at sports, being the absolute last girl I knew to hit puberty, and even having to get a fake ID in college to be able to get in the door at clubs and restaurants with friends.

If I had it to do all over again, I'd have put me in preschool for the extra year (maybe a language immersion preschool if I was really bored?) In my experience, the benefits just didn't outweigh the issues in the end.

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