Detailed Hypnobabies med-free birth story (PSIP)

My apologies for this being so long, but I really wanted to relive everything and have it written out. Plus, detailed birth stories were my favorite when I was pregnant. If you just want the short story scroll down to part 3.

Part 1- Labor and delivery

The ?plan? for my son?s birth was a med-free delivery at a free-standing birthing center with my husband (B) and mom (T) as my support people. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible.

My ?guess date? was 4/23/12. Although I had mentally prepared to go late, I was much more anxious and ready to get lil man out of me than I ever could have expected. I knew from the first contraction (midnight 4/24) that my birthing time was imminent. I didn?t say anything to B though. We went to bed at 1am and had sex. I woke up at 7am to my bloody show. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was too excited. So I just stayed in bed and listed to some Hypnobabies tracks. The first thing B said to me in the morning was how horribly he had slept. I told him he better get to work the maybe take a nap after because most likely we were having the baby that night. He made me breakfast then headed out the door. I rang the on-call midwife to let her know I was in early labor. It was Emily, whom I had just met and loved her personality. She said to head to the center when ctx were 2-3 minutes apart lasting for a minute for at least an hour. At 11:30 there was more bloody show and mucous. I refused to time ctx, breathed through them, and tried to ignore them to the best of my ability.

            I called my sister nonchalantly. I asked her to come over and take some last minute maternity pics. She was so excited and could not believe how calm and soft spoken I was. I really wanted a pedicure thinking it would be a nice way to distract myself so I made a 4:00 appointment. My sister, her two and one year old showed up around 1. She was annoying me while taking pics because she kept asking if the ctx hurt and other stupid questions. After a few hours I could tell the ctx were getting much closer together. The little kids were starting to be too much for me to handle at the house so I asked them to leave. My sister was basically begging to come back later, but I had no desire whatsoever to have her around.

            I was not ready to time ctx yet at that point, but I?m guessing they were about 10 minutes apart. I would not describe them as painful. I was really using my Hypnobabies techniques- thinking of them as birthing sensations, staying very relaxed and vocalizing positive affirmations. I kept saying aloud, ?I can do this?. ?Come to me Dilan.? ?Open, open, open.? ?My vagina will get huge.? ?Deeper and deeper relaxed with every breath I exhale.?

            My sister told me not to drive to get my nails done. I thought about calling B to ask him to take me, but I knew he should stay at work as long as he could. I decided to go for it and left early. Thankfully, nobody was there when I showed up at 3:30 so they started right away. I didn?t say anything about being in labor. I started my Hypnobabies track on the itouch, breathed through ctx and enjoyed the pedi. Things started to get more intense while I was driving home.

            I asked B if he could come home and try to nap with me. I had a banana, packed up some last minute things and got in bed to relax. At that point, sleep was not happening and moving to hands and knees for ctx was almost instinctual. At 4:30 I really felt the need for someone to be with me. I text B and he said he would be home shortly. A little before 5 I text him things were getting more intense. He was on the way home. When he got there I just wanted him to lay with me, cuddle me, touch me, and encourage me?anything! He didn?t though because he was dirty from work so I was annoyed.

            B begged me to start timing ctx so he would know what was going on. At 5 I started timing with my phone app while he showered. I was moving between the bed, the toilet and the floor. I put Hypnobabies on again and began to use my light switch in the off position. I was handling ctx very well without the headphones on, but while listening to the tracks I was extremely calm. The first timed ctx was 41 seconds long. The next one came 6 minutes later lasting for almost a minute. I really wanted B to come comfort me but he started loading the truck. At 6 I threw up for the first time in my pregnancy.   

            With all that going on, I figured it was a good time to call T and have her make the hour drive my way. Ctx were about 4-5 minutes apart. I was really afraid of slowing labor down so I fought the urge to fill the bathtub. At 6:30 I decided to stand in the shower for comfort. When a ctx would start I would take about three panic breaths before I could wrap my mind around what I was feeling and start deep breathing. At 6:50 I threw up again and quit taking labor notes. I was very focused on the task at hand- staying calm, positive and relaxed. I spent a lot of time on the toilet bracing myself between the sink and the bathtub with a garbage can between my knees.

            Once B was done running around, he was so good helping me through ctx by rubbing me, pushing on my back and telling me how great I was doing. When a ctx would hit I would whine ?baby? and he would start the counter pressure on my low back. I moved to the toilet and asked B to give me a minute. My butthole hurt from how much I was going. When T showed up I had Hypnobabies on and was sitting on the toilet in the dark. She instantly annoyed me by talking and touching me. I shhhhed her. With my butt going numb I moved back to the bed. I snapped at T for still talking to me while I was trying to listen and focus. After that track I had a short conversation with B and T. B commented on how amazed he was with my peacefulness while listening to Hypnobabies. I told T not to talk to me while it was on.

            In order to be sure that things were still progressing, I started walking up and down my hallway. I ended up on hands and knees in my living room and shouted for a garbage can. B and T comforted me and rubbed my back while I got sick for what felt like forever. I had been wearing depends for a while because of all the blood which made me nervous because I guess I had forgotten that was normal. B was still trying to time the ctx but I was having a hard time telling them when to start and stop. B called the MW just to be sure that he could reach her. She said the same thing she had already told me. Part of me was anxiously awaiting the excitement of my SROM.

            I moved back to the toilet and began timing the ctx myself. Between 8 and 9:00 the ctx were lasting around a minute 2-3 minutes apart. Sometime in there I remember asking if we were close to the hour requirement because I was starting to think about heading in. B responded we were at 45 minutes. Looking back I know this was transition, but at the time I had no clue and none of the emotional signs I?ve read about. The ctx were getting really strong so I moved onto the birthing ball in the shower. That time would have probably been unbearable without the water running down my body. Thank God my shower head has a pull off sprayer.

            I tried to eat some applesauce in between ctx. When one would hit I didn?t know if I should sit, get on all fours or stand. These were the most intense ctx through all of labor and pushing. Eventually I found standing was the best way for me to cope. I would jump up and start panting and whining but B and T reminded me to focus and breathe. That helped tremendously. I had breaks where I could complexly regain my composure sitting on the birth ball while B moved the water all over my back and belly. I came to the realization that I was going to have to get out of the shower to get ready for the car ride.

            I got on all fours on my bed and dialed the MW. When she answered all I could do was pant and moan so B grabbed the phone. I was actually relieved, not nervous, that it was time to get in the truck. I remember telling T I was getting delirious. Everything felt fuzzy. I managed to put on a fresh pair of depends, a robe and out the door we went. B and I slow danced through a pretty intense ctx outside our front door. In the truck I asked for the Itouch with the Hypnobabies tracks on it and B said he forgot it. Ummm what!!!! That may have been the most powerful ctx of all sitting in the truck waiting for him to go grab it. Grrr. Once I had the headphones on I just zoned out.

            Since we had been to the center so many times for prenatal appointments I knew every turn along the way with my eyes closed.  I kept deep breathing while repeating positive birthing affirmations to myself silently. Then it happened. My body was pushing. I was groaning in a low tone but said nothing. I was thinking ?this is what those girls were talking about? as far as involuntary pushing goes. I think I felt that two or three times in the car. I was so excited when we got to the center because I knew it was safe to let my body progress however it needed to and soon my son would be in my arms.

            When we got in the door at about 10:30 PM I was smiling ear to ear. I was so happy it was night time and we were the only people in the building. I saw Emily and the nurse (C) that had taught the breastfeeding class I attended. I was sooooo pumped they were the ones that were going to deliver our baby. I told them so a million times. B and T were shocked when I told E and C that my body was pushing in the car. Being there kind of through me off a bit; I just didn?t know what to do next. I leaned over an end table breathing and swaying through a ctx. Then E asked if I could lie down on the bed for her to check me. She asked if I wanted to know how far dilated I was mentioning that some Hypnobabies moms don?t want to know. I said if I wasn?t at least a four not to tell me. She laughed and said I had to more than four. I did my finger-drop technique got very relaxed and nodded my head. My first internal did not hurt at all and revealed I was at nine. Sweet Jesus!! I was so happy to hear it and really proud of myself.

 They had me pee in a container then asked if I wanted to get in the tub. Heck yeah!!! While it was filling I labored on the toilet. They assured me all the blood was not only normal, it was a good thing. It really felt like I had to poop, I just couldn?t. C asked how long my waters had been broken. Well, news to me, I had no clue that it was. All the things that I thought I would care about did not matter at all- dim lighting, germs, candles, etcetera. E asked if she could check me again on the toilet after shining a flashlight down there for a while. She said I just had a small lip and asked if she should try to help it along. I really wanted a 4/24 birthday so I said yes with it being so close to midnight. Not the most comfortable thing ever but I used my light switch in the off position and deep breathing to get through.

I got in the tub telling everyone I was probably going to poop in there and put on my pushing baby out track for the first time. By the end of it all I probably listened to that track four times and I could not tell you one word it says. I was pretty uncomfortable in the tub on my back. I was cold. This really surprised me and through a monkey wrench in what I had envisioned for myself at the center. My body was pushing. Instinctively I jumped over to all fours. E asked if she could check me again. She asked if I wanted to move to the bed because I was complete and ready to push. When visualizing my birthing experience I pictured them having to drag me out of the tub but I really wanted out.

Feeling him moving down was so crazy and exciting. I grabbed the top of the door frame and swayed. They were all talking about what a calm and beautiful laboring woman I was. I moved between the toilet and the bedroom a couple of times. I kept saying I was going to poop. I probably would have kept laboring on the toilet for fear of pooping if I wasn?t so tired. While leaning over the bed my body would push and fluid would gush out of me. B was encouraging me, rubbing me and telling me how much he loved me.   

At this point I was in labor for 24 hours. Pushing.was.hard. Ugh. I just wanted my baby out of me. There was a moment of panic where the baby?s heart rate dropped. B told me later he was so freaked out inside because he could see the look of fear in C and E?s eyes. A position change greatly improved the situation so things went back to calm. I tried standing, all fours, squatting, side-lying, on my back, and lying over a stack of pillows. C could tell I was exhausted. She asked if I would accept a spoon full of honey. Yup. E kept asking if I was having another pressure wave but it was getting really hard to tell. I thought it was totally awesome how the midwives were very into the Hypnobabies birth without me asking for any of it. I actually never gave them a birth plan at all. C gathered that I was dehydrated from all my vomiting despite drinking tons of water and coconut water throughout laboring. My ctx were way less intense and spaced out so she started an IV.

I didn?t ask her to, but T took nine different videos on her iphone of me pushing. There was a lot that happened between each video but I?m glad that I have what I have. His head was right there for what felt like forever. I kept asking ?is he coming out?? I was trying so hard yet felt like I was getting nothing accomplished. Apparently I was doing it all wrong. They kept telling me to push with my bottom and not with my face. B and I were kissing and he was playing with my nipples to try to bring on more ctx. I had asked E not to help stretch me but it got to the point where it became necessary. There is some up close and personal footage of how she was moving her finger around the head to help stretch me out. She did a great job of keeping pressure and warm towels on my perineum.

By the fifth video you can see how swollen my whole face was. I think it?s awesome that the pep talk I got from E was captured too. She kind of got in my face and helped me gain some confidence that I was capable of pushing my baby out. I kept saying I should try a different position, but everyone assured me I was progressing on my back holding my knees back. In the seventh video E says aloud but talking to herself ?he?s OP.? C checked his heart rate and said its time to get this baby out. E asked if she could cut an episiotomy. My mouth said yes but my face and tone must have said no.

At the beginning of the final video that includes the birth I tell E again that she can cut me. She states that we are past that and I just need to push him out. I do remember a point where I said to myself this is it, I want him out NOW. I pushed with all I had without ctx.  I screamed for the first time right as his head was coming all the way out. His body didn?t rotate at all like all youtube videos I had watched. I think E just pulled his body out. I was pretty much hyperventilating saying ?oh my gosh? over and over. He was placed directly on my belly. I was so upset I couldn?t see him. They were trying to explain to me that my eyes were almost swollen closed.

I was bawling my eyes out and B was smiling ear to ear. He said ?that?s the little boy that?s been in your belly this whole time! You did it. I?m so proud of you!? E said he was coming out all ?caddywhompas? and that?s why it took so long. Dilan Vincent finally joined us at 1:05 AM on 4/25/12 weighing 6 pounds 10 ounces, 20 inches long. He was kicking like a mad man, screaming and pooped all over me. I couldn?t care less. I was ecstatic to have him in my arms. T cut the cord after it stopped pulsating so I pulled up my little man for our first gaze into each others eyes.

Part 2- The aftermath

E asked if she could give me the shot of pitocin and I said yes. They do it as a precaution and I was ok with that. I was still breathing through contractions and the placenta came out fairly quickly with no issues at all. It was set aside for encapsulation. As B and I are trying to enjoy our first time with our son there was a lot going on down there. I was in more pain then than all of pushing. I asked E ?what are you doing?!!? She was trying to assess the damage rooting around pretty deep in my vagina. E and C recommended that I get a shot of Nubain. I didn?t understand why. I was trying to get them to tell me what they needed to do and see how long it would take. If it was just going to be a quick stitch I would have just kept utilizing my Hypnobabies techniques.

E explained there was some pretty significant damage very high inside me. There was no external tearing at all. She wanted to call in another midwife to check and see if she felt comfortable doing the repair at the center. If not, I would have to be transferred to the hospital. It took a lot of convincing but I finally accepted the shot of Nubain. It was kicking in when Abby (the second opinion MW) showed up. I was listening to E explain to A that there was some tissue she had never seen protruding through the vaginal wall. They explained to me that an ambulance transfer was necessary. Without the shot of Nubain I most likely would have had an emotional break down. I just said ok and tried to go with what needed to be done.

When the ambulance showed up my husband had just been handed the baby for the first time. I did not want to leave. They got me up and got my robe on me. I could see the worry on his face and the tears welling up in his eyes. I grabbed B?s phone to snap some pics. I?m pretty sure they were highly annoyed with me but that moment only happens once so I was thinking ?eff you, you can wait.? I got on the stretcher in the hallway. B and I had our eyes locked on one another as he sat on the bed still. As the stretcher rolled away and I lost sight of my husband and son I wanted to lose it. I could not make words come out of my mouth but I remember thinking ?I love you babe; I don?t want to leave you.? I?m glad I accepted the shot of Nubain or all of that would have been much, much worse.

When I got to the hospital I closed my eyes because I really didn?t want any memory of being there. Eventually I had to move from the stretcher to a bed and a doctor came to check the damage. I used my deep breathing and light switch. He said ?although you handled that well, I think you need a spinal so that I can do the repair.?  I responded that I was nursing so I just wanted to get the show on the road. That way everything will be done when my son got released from the birth center. He had to stay for the minimum of four hours.

I got wheeled into the OR and E was there in scrubs. I was so out of it from the nubain. When I got in position for the spinal she stood in front of me. I hugged her, cried on her shoulder and felt nothing going on behind me. It was so odd being half awake. I was completely numb, yet was talking to the guy down there stitching up my vajay. Very odd. I know I asked a ton of questions while I was in the OR but now I have no clue what any of them were. I was given some drugs to make me relaxed but I don?t know what they were.

Once back in my room, after sleeping for a while, I awoke to the aftermath of a spinal. UUUUghhh how I hated that feeling. It was like someone was playing a cruel joke on me. It didn?t seem like those were my legs moving under the blanket. As I type this on May 4^th I still have a killer spinal headache, which is part of the reason it has taken me so long to post my story.

When my husband and son showed up nothing else mattered. Although, I did look like a cage fighter after a horrid beat down. I still have broken blood vessels in both eyes.  Recovery has been rough and painful but I have no regrets about any of my birthing choices. If I had it to do all over again I would not change a thing. I feel blessed actually that everything happened to me and not Dilan. The bonding time that my husband got with his son was the silver lining in the situation. Dilan did stay with me in the hospital but was never a patient. I will always appreciate that. I would highly recommend Hypnobabies to anyone and everyone because you can use it in early labor before you?re allowed to get an epi.

Part 3 ? the quick version

I labored at home as long as possible before getting to the birth center. With my body pushing in the car, I showed up dilated to 9 cm. After 25 hours of labor and 2 ? hours of pushing Dilan Vincent was born med-free weighing 6 pounds 10 ounces, 20 inches long. I tore badly internally so I had to be transferred by ambulance to get repaired. I absolutely hated the feeling of the spinal. Dude is great at nursing. He lost 4 ounces initially but was already up to 6 lbs. 13oz. at his one week appointment. I am so proud of my husband. He is much more involved and in love than I ever thought he would be.

Right after birth

One day old at the hospital with me

Four days old

One week old. I gave into the binky but he doesn't like it much.

8 days old. Love my boys