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Success after IF
LIAngel
member
here is what sux for me about the mass exodus to FB.
LIAngel
member
It's all fine and dandy when I am not at work since I can check FB on my laptop periodically throughout the day and comment easily if I want.
when I am at work (like today), I can only check FB from my phone with the teeny tiny screen and it is such a pain to comment so I don't bother (unless I feel like typing with the teeny tiny keys) until after the kids are in bed when I can get on my laptop. So I feel like I'm commenting hours later. Where as on SAIF, I can respond right away while at work.
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Re: here is what sux for me about the mass exodus to FB.
Right? That's what I don't get... Everyone seemed so concerned about privacy but on FB EVERYTHING is out there. No one knows me that we'll here and vice versa... So I totally get not being "in the group" and am fine with it (again the privacy thing is hard for me to get over) I just miss hearing from people and was just starting t feel like part of the board when everyone bailed...
It seems like the migration happened after this post: https://media.community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/65313332.aspx
At least it seems that way to me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think that only SAIF'ers you are FB friends with would see your info, but SAIF'ers you are not friends with (but you are both part of the FB group) would not see your info (or would see very limited info).
I think you're right. I'm only friends with 2 or 3 SAIFers from the FB group and I can only see their information.
I still like the bump and the variety of answers/opinions to my questions.
I honestly prefer the board than FB for several reasons:
#1 Easier to navigate through posts. (Hate that it automatically puts the most popular post on top.)
#2 Unfair to lurkers.
#3 I like hiding behind my Hello Kitty screen name.
But it is what it is. For what it's worth, I still post and lurk daily on here. I'm not going anywhere!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
same here, I'm never on a computer anymore for FB, it's just from my phone, I can't keep up.
I like it here and I miss the board
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
Ditto this - lurking isn't fair to active participants of this board, or any board. Especially given the very sensitive nature of most of our posts.
Also, there's no privacy concern in a private group. Only people I am already friends with have access to my wall. To everyone else I'm just a name in the FB group. People may recognize me because of my photos here and my profile pic there but they don't automatically have access to all my info because I keep that private. And...there's no concern with a third party (i.e., the Bump) owning my images or my posts.
All of this. What's posted here is visible to the entire world. Anyone who ever wants can go and find an old post, or a pic, or you can google your screen name and a pic of your kids (and others' kids shows up). What's posted to the FB group is visible only to the members of the FB group, and other than your name and profile pic, nothing else is visible to members of the group that aren't your FB friends (unless you have lenient privacy settings). And you don't even have to link your name in the group to your Bump name (I intentionally don't).
This exactly
I can't see fb from work and I'm not sure I really understand how private groups work. I am somewhat uncomfortable with having my real name linked to people I don't know IRL. I don't know what might be copied and pasted somewhere else with my real name attached.
Although I am really happy that I've met people from the bump/nest/knot IRL, of course!
I don't have time to dedicate to checking facebook groups etc, but I do have a minute here or there to hop in here.
Mmm, yeah. I see your point. As a very private person when it comes to the internet, I like the security FB provides. I think I'm just being bitter because my local board (which I never ever post on) has decided to go to a private board and are only providing links via PM. So annoying!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
**Dirty Lurker Chime In** (LOL)
I am a regular poster on the IF board, but I am for sure I serious lurker on a ton of other boards (more so when posting is slow or I am hoping for some kind of inspiration/hope). I lurk here, PAIF, 3T, sometimes IFV...
I would have to assume that most lurkers are like me; not trying to be weirdo or obsessed with anyone's stories- just rooting from the sidelines and praying that one day we will get to join this board. I soak up everything you guys post about like a sponge, I read the signatures of the posts hoping I will see someone just like me who had success which means there is hope, or has had success with something different that I can then bring to my RE and ask the benefits of and see what would make it a good fit or not so good fit for me...
For example: My ob/gyn wanted to put me on metformin, but my family doctor disagreed, and my RE had no opinion... so for months I didn't go on it- and then because of these boards I saw that sometimes it really helped other PCOSers so I tried and it and had the only pregnancy of my life after the first month... that's what dirty lurking did for me. (and I don't mean that in a snarky way AT ALL).
When I was lurking on PAIF, Dr. rx was always posting so I got used to seeing the posts and when she had her daughter I wanted to wish her so many prayers of good luck and healthy vibes- but I was not a PAIF member so I didn't feel it appropriate to say anything... that doesn't mean I wasn't cheering her on from the sidelines. Same thing with Blueberries, and so many other posters... I learn from you guys and wish you nothing but good things... I am not however sitting in some dark corner obsessing over your stories- I just want things to work out for you because that is great for you and because that is hope for me, especially since you have been where I am.
**Steps off Soapbox**
The entire point of this post actually has nothing to do with the original post I suppose, other than once you have had success and you leave you are leaving people like me with a little less to hope with (which is perfectly fine and absolutely not an obligation for anyone). I just had to defend myself as a lurker since I was lurking when I read this (obviously). GL to you all and thanks for everything you've given without even knowing it.
Me too, GEG!
Agree with your #1 100%. It's too hard to check in every few hours to and catch up! I still get e-mail notifications but I spend a lot of time just getting through those and deleting them, but I knew I would miss most threads entirely without them. I'll likely discontinue the e-mail notifications very soon, unfortunately, and then I'll scroll as much as I'm able.
I've mentioned #2 too, not specifically for lurkers per se, but for ladies who could benefit from joining. Hopefully more newbies will step up regardless!
And #3 is on my mind more as well because I realize I feel more anonymous here than I do on FB now. It creeps me out to have everything connected to my real name, mainly because FB privacy settings are never consistently secure. Here I feel more in control of what I share -- yes, I share some (but not all) photos of my girls and I use their first names, but no one could identify us or hunt us down based on that alone (without some serious effort, at least). I don't want my Nest stuff connected to FB, which is why I freaked with everyone else for the few hours it looked like the Nest was going that route not long ago. I have FB friends I trust 100%, but I don't feel comfortable yet having it all connected. And, personally *only*, I'm only minimally more leery now on the Nest than I've always been -- I've always monitored what Google pulls up for my screen name and my girls' names, which is nothing relevant without a specific search which includes the subject line of the thread. Not ideal, but I know how to be cautious here.
I'll stick by my friends wherever they are, of course, but IMHO FB isn't great for chatty groups like us.
Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07
Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
Well there are 24 responses to this post - so it CAN be saved.
The problem I saw with the board before was that if you weren't part of a clique you were lucky to even get an answer when you posted. The PAIF board was started because of that at least in part. So there will be a lull but things should pick up here!
Also, I know what you mean about lurking. I do my fair share of lurking, and it's not because I'm obsessed with people. Sure, there are loonies out there, but just because you lurk does not mean that you are one of them.
I like keeping things separate. For example, I have an email for friends and family, an email for work, an email for commercial stuff (ie, websites, coupons, etc). I don't even like mixing food on my plate. Therefore, mixing The Bump with Facebook just doesn't gel well with me. I like the format of posts and threads, and sigs, which is different than on FB.
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
I know I have commented on posts but I do lurk more than post here. I will explain why I didn't feel super comfortable posting on here.
While I have struggled with PCOS for over 10 years and was diagnosed 8 years ago, I still wasn't sure if I truly belonged here since my struggles weren't nearly as long or hard as others have been. I didn't want to post too often and have people that went through multiple IVF cycles to look at my 5 clomid cycles and my unassisted cycle to think that "what is she doing here, she doesn't belong here". Not that anyone would say that but that is how I felt. Like it was sorta disrespectful for me to start a post, but I have commented on posts when I felt like I could help the OP.
Other lurkers may feel the same as I do.
I once had a picture until the trolls showed up.
TTC #1 7/08 PCOS dx 8/28/04 Met 1000 mg and Clomid cycles 1-4 1/6/09-5/2/09 BFN
Clomid 100mg 6/4/09=O'd=BFP on 6/29/09! Beta@14DPO 70.8 Beta@16DPO 152. EDD 3/7/10.
First u/s on 7/13/09 @6w0d heard and saw heartbeat 102 bpm.
K M #1 arrived via c/s 3/1/10 10 lbs, 22 inches long at 39 weeks.
Surprise expecting #2. Med-free BFP on 8/1/11! Beta@15DPO 58.2 Beta@17DPO 198.3 Beta@23DPO 2338. EDD 4/9/12
K M #2 arrived via c/s 3/19/12 9 lbs 2 oz, 21 inches long at 37 weeks.
"If we weren't all crazy we would go insane."
I agree with this! Also, I have more privacy issues with FB than with the bump. Here, my screen name is pretty generic - if you google it, millions of things come up, and the bump stuff is not at the top of the list. I don't use my full name, kids names, where exactly I live, etc. On FB, everyone knows all of that about you if they are friends with you.
Also on FB, I have had my friends "share" my pictures with their friends (a whole bunch of other people I don't know) - and if you read the FB privacy info, basically once you put your pics on FB, they own them now, too. I still put pics on there, but I am only friends with people that I actually know, and if they do share my pics, I can say something to them about it.
So for now, I am not in the FB group, and am mostly a lurker here...but I will try to be better about posting
For me, I just think that new members to this board are missing out on a lot since such a large group moved over to the FB group. And, I think the FB only people now are missing out on a whole new group of women who bring new things to the board. I'm sure that in time, the number of posters here will increase as people migrate from infertility and from PAIF and hopefully they will stay with the board.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I have a lot of thoughts on this (surprise, surprise
).
I was very against moving over to the FB group at first. I prefer the format here big time, and I like to be able to post from work. I also wasn't crazy about having my first/last name linked to what I post.
But, with all the craziness that the Bump is going through lately (possibly adding links to our FB profiles/walls, posting our pics to Pinterest, the fact that our screen names can be googled and posts and pictures come up, etc.), I was starting to feel really uneasy posting anything remotely personal here. Not so much that I am worried about the safety of myself or my children, but the fact that what I post here could someone be discovered by employers. Working in schools, you have to be really careful what you post. For example, DH and I are both applying for jobs with Catholic schools -- and a woman was recently fired from a Catholic school for going through IVF.
In addition, while I understand why some lurk, I do not like having my thoughts/opinions out there for anyone on the internet to see. I hate trolls and think they are cowardly and often cruel. On the FB board, what you say is always said by YOU. And, like others have said, what you post on the FB board can only be seen by the members of the board -- people that have been added by other members.
I also feel that we are growing as a board. Just like it made sense to have a Pregnant after IF board spinoff, there are many of us now that have older children. This board will continue to grow as more IFers have babies (YAY!), but eventually, if people do not move on, the board will become too big and too diverse. As it is, I remember very few details about my IVF cycles (besides the big stuff), and it is hard for me to comment on those posts. Same thing with newborn schedules, weights at checkups, etc. etc. -- I feel so far past that point, and while I WANT to answer questions because I have been there, I honestly don't remember much.
I will continue to drop in every day and try to offer support when and where I can, but it does bug me that the board has been really slow for months, and I felt like a small handful of frequent posters were holding it up. Now that those posters are starting to move on, I feel like people are coming out of the woodwork to complain. Where were you when we kept saying we needed to keep this board alive? I'm not targeting anyone specifically, and flame me if you must, but it is how I feel.
JillRock, what's notable is that although our conclusions are different, I agree with all of your points and I think our concerns are essentially identical! I think it boils down to the internet being a scary place -- it brought us all together and I wouldn't trade it for the world because of that, but it's scary nonetheless.
Hopefully in a few weeks I'd be able to look into it more, but I think a good solution may be a private board? One that's easier to scroll through than FB but that keeps everything private like FB does? I never thought I'd suggest that because I've thought this board provided a service by being public, but it's at least worth considering IMHO. An added benefit is that there can be different forums for different types of topics, so more conversational ones as well as some more reference (IF, BFing, etc) ones and everything in between such as healthy living too, if desired. I know a private SaIF board was started sometime back but didn't catch on. I'm not even saying that I'd like that idea since I don't know enough about what's out there, but it may be worth looking into to see what our options are and then to see how we (individually and collectively) feel about it.
Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07
Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
I wish people didn't feel that way. I've been an active poster here for well over two years, and I belong as much as anyone...even though I never did IVF, got pregnant with my daughter on IUI #1 (after years of going it alone) and 5 rounds of Clomid...and then had an unassisted pregnancy.
I think if ask anyone here, they'd tell you that you belong as much as I do or anyone else.
Honestly, I post more on the FB group now, simply because that's where everyone is.
We have ALWAYS asked for lurkers to come out of lurkdom and post, but it rarely happens. I think we all want a busy, lively board, but it can't be that if everyone is lurking.
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
This is going to be short and kind of random...
You have always been able to google your screen name and pictures and posts have always come up. I've googled my screen name on and off for years (just to see what comes up). Nobody who knows me would know to google that screen name and when you google my name (current and maiden) I am not the first person who comes up.
I'm still going to hang around here. I like it here even though my kid is older. I'm hoping and praying I will be asking pg and baby questions again on day. At this rate I will be 5 years out from my first pg.
I have mixed feeling about fb but, I post there more now b/c that's where everybody is.
I won't be moving to FB - so i'll still be around... FB doesnt' work well for groups like this IMO - our local NJ board tried it and we all hated it - so we went to Proboards instead.