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Emotional cost of treatment?

MiniMirMiniMir
in Secondary IF

Hi ladies.  We are on cycle 14 TTC #2, and I have my first RE appointment in a month.  I am nervous about the emotional impact of testing, diagnosis and treatment.  Mostly, what it will do to our marriage; knowing we will not always be on the same page with how we feel.  

Any tips on what to expect, (when did/do you and your partner struggle the most in this process)? 

What should DH and I discuss ahead of time to make things easier? 

How do you manage when you and your partner are not on the same page?

Thanks!  I've been lurking for a while - I hate that any of us are here, but am glad to have found such a group of strong, encouraging women.

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Re: Emotional cost of treatment?

  • Sharon216Sharon216

    It's definitely not an easy thing to go through.  DH and I have been on the same page with everything (for the most part) so I think it's actually made our relationship stronger.  Before your RE appt, I would suggest you and DH discuss things like:

    • What treatments are you willing and financially able to consider?
    • How long will you continue to TTC before coming to terms with not having more children?
    • What other options would you consider if you can't conceive another biological child?

    These are just suggestions, based on conversations DH and I had.  I went into our first RE appt thinking there's no way we'd ever consider IVF, because of the cost.  Now, 6+ months later, we're planning to do IVF in January if we're not successful with IUIs before then.

    Best of luck to you.  This is definitely a great place to find encourgagement and support, to lift you up when you're down and celebrate when you're up.

    Have a great weekend.

    DD conceived naturally in 2009.  TTC #2 since August 2010.  Praying for guidance as we decide what's next.

    When the world says, "Give up,"

    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

     ~Author Unknown

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  • kwilbrahamkwilbraham member

    I actually think emotionally we have been better since we started treatments.  When we were just trying on our own we were starting to go a little crazy.  We didn't understand why it was taking so long, guessing at things, blaming things, etc. But now I feel like we are more at peace since we have answers and a game plan.  We obviously understand this doesn't mean I will get pregnant, but its just nice to have some answers (I have low AMH).  

    We really just take our decisions step by step, but if treatments don't work we both feel like we could be done or adopt.  No serious decisions made yet, like I said, we take it step by step.  

     Good luck!  

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  • golfbride11golfbride11 member

    I just heard of a book called "What to Expect When She's Not Expecting" and am going to look for it today.  It's written by a man who has experienced IF with his wife.  I'm not sure DH will read it, but I'm hoping it will help me see his side of things a little.  I think that's where IF and 2IF take a toll on couples - when we struggle to empathize with each other because we're so overwhelmed by our own feelings.

    Good Luck!   

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • brideonjuly8brideonjuly8 member

    Fortunately, DH and I have been on the same page, for the most part. But we haven't gotten into extensive treatments yet.  He's always the more positive one, and I'm the more negative/realistic one.I guess we kind of balance each other out.

    I guess I would start out by making sure you both are in agreement on how far you'll go with treatments. And I guess the next step would be how aggressive you want to be with testing/treatments. I think those are the big ones.

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