- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
wwnbw
member
parenting question
wwnbw
member
SS is in band and they are going to six flags next Saturday. He has been excited about this all year but has been told from the beggining if his grades aren't right he won't be going. EVERY six weeks he starts out awful but some how manages to pull a rabit out of his hat and get high B's and A's on his report card. We get his grades daily and last week he had two missing assignments and today he has two more.
I'm a push over and I already feel bad about him not going (if his grades aren't better by next Friday). Would you make him miss it if you had been telling him for months his grades MUST be right?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: parenting question
If I had already told them that is what would happen I wouldn't let him go. I am mean like that. I also don't threaten things for punishment that I am not willing to do.
Maybe a revised agreement should be made like if you have any missing assignments (including the 4 aleady) by next Friday you can't go and stick to it.
Both BM's have a problem with this and feel guilt for them missing something so DH and I are usually the bad guy. It doesn't matter to me because I know I am punishing them out of love and for their own good.
This. I'd remind him of the agreement that he could only go if his grades were up AND add that he has to make up the missed assignments.
if you knew it was a possibility he wouldn't have his crap together to go on the trip you shouldnt have made that the punishment, especially now that you feel guilty.
you set a rule, with a reward (going on trip) and a punishment(not going) if he didnt follow through on his end of the deal then you shouldn't follow through on yours.
if you let him go it just shows him that he doesn't have to take you seriously when you threaten things because you will just cave in and let him go again.
You have to follow through. If his grades at the time of the trip are not up to par, then he does not go on the trip. Simple as that. Don't put any quilt in it.
I would remind him of your agreement and leave it up to him to bring his grades up.
I have gone through this time and time again with my 12yo SS. The last two school years were constant battles to keep his grades up. He was bringing home Ds and Fs on his report cards. His mom and step-dad would threaten punishment; take toys/games/ipod away from him; and then feel guilty after a week or two and give everything back. BAD IDEA. We went through two entire years of this back and forth with SS's grades. The worst was at the end of the school year last year. SS was told years ago that he could not get a cell phone unless he had straight As on his report card. (I disagreed with the cell phone at all at his age, but I'm just a step-mom) So what does his mom do? He got Bs, Cs, and a D on the last report card of the year. The next week, he got a brand new Iphone.
This year, I had to step up and be very vocal to BM, SD, AND my DH about following through with punishments. He was told that if he did not maintain grades above a C that he would not be able to play baseball this summer. And when his team started weekly practices back in February, his parents followed through and did not let him practice if his grades were down. He missed 5 practices - and as one of the few 12 year olds (12yo is the last year for this league), he realized how missing practices affects his starting position. So, he got his act together and finally pulled his grades up. He's had all A's and B's for a month now.
Thanks. I knew he shouldn't be going I just needed to make sure. I will let him know (even though he already knows) today that he has until next Friday to bring the grades up and that he can't have anything missing. Nothing works with this kid! He already has everything taken away (x box, tv in his room, ipod, and phone) and has been for a month. He was supposed to get everything back on the 1st but then he pulled something else so now he gets it back tomorrow.
I talked to DH and he said "well I feel bad because he always pulls them up at the end and his last report card was really good" so I'm sure he would like this idea. I've just had enough with SS (not just the grades) and I'm tired of nothing changing so I feel like it might be a good thing for him to miss.
Follow thru is critical. Once you dont do as you say THEY will think you are a push over.
Sometimes it is very HARD to do this, but in order to get them to know you are serious you need to stick to your word.
my son knows that yes really means yes and no really means no. period.