I guess it was going to happen (vent)

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · May 2012

I knew the day we lost our son that our relationships with people would change forever. While I've been surprised and grateful for some of the friendships that have become stronger, I'm becoming very disappointed by some people. I found out today that one friend "unfriended" me on FB. No, it's not the end of the world or anything but I realized I hadn't heard from her in a while, sent her a message and then looked up her profile. It asked me if I'd like to send her a friend request. I messaged her back and said "now I know why I haven't heard from you. Wishing you the best." She responds saying she wasn't trying to be mean - just didn't want me to have to see updates of her little one everyday. Keep in mind this is the same girl that a week after Corbin passed sent us a Christmas card with a giant picture of her little girl in it (about 3 months older than Corbin). She also never sent the money she promised to for our walk, never sent a condolence card, didn't come to the funeral, didn't call etc. So, another one gone.

I have another friend who yes, does check in on me a lot. She asked how I was doing yesterday. I told her I was starting my monthly sad spiral as today has been 5 months since we lost Corbin and also the 1 year anniversary of the first time we got to see Corbin on the US. She says "I'm sorry. I'm sad too, my dog has to have tooth surgery tomorrow." WTF? She tends to always turn conversations into all about her.

Have another friend I considered to be a really good one. Now she's constantly complaining about her pregnancy and has bailed on me at times when I've needed her the most.

I just hate that this is my life now. It's been 5 months and now it seems like no one wants to talk about it and everyone has moved on. Sorry, just needed to vent.

Heatherhah · May 2012

I'm so sorry it does seem that losing a child does make people tend to shy away from you. I think it is because we mainly scare them we remind them of what could happen to them. They can't imagine being in our shoes and my friends say that to me all the time that they can't imagine and my comment to that is you're right you can't imagine how bad this really is and I don't wish this on you at all EVER! You are not alone!! Hugs to you!!

blessedhope · May 2012

Wow, I'm sorry all those people are being so rude. I know how it feels because i have people avoiding us too. There are family members who I haven't talked to since our loss a year ago.

xxswebbxx · May 2012

Thats just horrible. Its only been a little over a week since our loss and I'm already feeling the same way. Its sad it takes something like this to happen to fine out who is truely there for you. HUGS.

magdalina.h · May 2012

I'm sorry hunnie.

I have to get a picture of this, but near my inlaws, there is a Corbin Ave/St/Ct

weddedwife · May 2012

I'm right there with you. We have friends and even family members who we still haven't heard from since our loss. Lots of our friends didn't even send a card. All they could be troubled to do was comment on our facebook status which explained when we lost the baby. They said, "We are here for you. If there's anything we can do, etc." But when it comes down to it, they did nothing. No calls, no cards, no nothing.

I expect that many of these relationships are over, and that they are probably not worth repairing anyway. I just get tired of reaching out, tired of the silence we are treated with, tired of all of it.

I wish we all lived close to one another, so we could all be friends IRL!

tubbsy32 · May 2012

It stinks that we can all relate to this. We loss our precious babies which is hard enough, then we go on to lose relationships. And again it's out of our control and hurts. I was actually jjust talking to my counselor about this and she said you really learn who you are close with when you go through a tragedy like this. I know it's not the same, but we are always here to listen. ((Hugs))

barrona · May 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this and that any of us have to go through it. It's hard enough to lose our child(ren), but to lose friends on top of it is just adding insult to injury. I have also lost friends, one of whom I have known since high school and was in my wedding. This one hurt more than any other because of how close we were. She didn't bother to call, send a card or even acknowledge what happened to us. She even had the audacity to act like she had no idea what happened when she ran into my parents at a restaurant about 2 weeks after I had told her. It is so sad how people really can be so unsupportive when we need them the most. On the other hand, it is nice to know that some true friends will there for us no matter what. I'll be thinking about you lots, I know how hard these milestones are (I just hit 3 and it tore me apart). Big ((hugs)) to you!

pb127 · May 2012

(((HUGS))) People really suck. I'm really sorry :-(

medblais · May 2012

Loss of friendships and family have riddled our lives too since our loss, but something that is a comfort to me, and something I hope you all also can find, are the people that suprise you in a good way. My DH's stepmother's stepmother has been the most thoughtful supportive person, and it really seemed to come out of left field. First by sending us the book Tear Soup right after our loss with a touching note (if you have never read it, I highly recommend it as it is a picture book dealing with grief/loss- very relateable), talking about Genevieve and asking after us regularly, and today we received a card in the mail from her. Genevieve's birthday is Tuesday, and there have been no public reminders sent out, but she cared enough to remember and send a "remembering" card. None of the rest of his family have even mentioned her birthday. I have had a relationship with a coworker who I considered an aquaintance blossom into a very supportive friendship since this loss. Although the losses of relationships with some of my friends and family have been painful, I am so appreciative for the newer, deeper relationships I have been able to build. I hope people will start suprising you in a good way.

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