Financially stable/independant.

bakekiwi · May 2012

DH and I are almost financially independent, but not quite yet. My parents are still paying for my graduate school. Not for my living expenses. What do you ya'll think? I'm afraid my parents will say we don't make enough, what do you think it takes to start a family? Recognizing different places have a different living cost.

kleigh926 · May 2012

I would not even consider TTC if I had to rely on my parents (or anyone else, for that matter) for anything. Having and raising a child is incredibly expensive. You better believe that if my parents were helping us out and I got pregnant on purpose, they'd be pissed.

andy'shomegirl · May 2012

I think that's a question that only you and your husband can decide. Also, I'm not sure a bunch of internet strangers are really the best place to get advice on when to start a family or not. Pray, talk to your husband, make a decision, stick with it. Good luck!

SkyBee · May 2012

I would NEVER start a family if I couldn't afford all of my own expenses.

ariaforte8 · May 2012

Honestly, I would say that if you had to ask your parents, or feel like you need to - you're probably not ready. However, that is only something you and your DH can decide and every situation is different.

kacelle · May 2012

I understand wanting to start a family while still in school. DH and I got married after our sophomore year of undergrad and had DD our junior year of undergrad. But our parents never paid for our school, and I stopped receiving money from my parents to help cover bills when I was engaged. I don't think it would be particularly responsible to take on such a huge obligation while still financially dependent on your parents.

bakekiwi · May 2012

I was thinking the same. I had filled out all of the appropriate paperwork to take out loans for my schooling, but my parents wanted to help me with my schooling. I've been sort of worried about this since DH and I got married, but I know my parents are always going to want to help out. I'm not sure if I should cut all ties financially or forge on.

Lurel · May 2012

andy'shomegirl:
I think that's a question that only you and your husband can decide. Also, I'm not sure a bunch of internet strangers are really the best place to get advice on when to start a family or not. Pray, talk to your husband, make a decision, stick with it. Good luck!

^^I like this.

Just for our story, we have a lot of student loan debt, but starting a family is important to us and we have made what feels like the right decision for our situation to start TTC even though we're in debt. What if my parents were paying for my school? We would have less debt and technically be more financially stable (in the way we consider it). But I would feel funny still letting parents be paying such a large sum of money to support us when already parents ourselves. I guess I have more of a "cut the apron strings" philosophy, though. Our parents still take care of us by being emotional supports and treating us to dinner or a movie, but we feel better being independent.

kleigh926 · May 2012

bakekiwi:
I was thinking the same. I had filled out all of the appropriate paperwork to take out loans for my schooling, but my parents wanted to help me with my schooling. I've been sort of worried about this since DH and I got married, but I know my parents are always going to want to help out. I'm not sure if I should cut all ties financially or forge on.

If you are able to afford it and your parents are still paying for it just to be nice, that's a little different in my opinion. I personally would want to cut the ties before starting a family, but it's up to you and YH.

RadonOrchid · May 2012

I think it's a very personal situation for you and your H and (especially if you're getting help from somewhere,ie: your parents) I'd sit and talk to them about your interest in starting a family, see how they react. Obviously you shouldn't base your decision on someone else's preferences, but it's nice to know where they stand, if they still want to pay for your schooling, etc. Ensure them you'll stay in school and finish up your degree and if they decide they don't like the idea of you starting a family now, and you really want to, then I'd figure out how you can cover your degree and your family with your income and H's.

PinkRoses53 · May 2012

I agree with pp about it being your own personal decision. Personally, we waited to have our careers established, be financially stable with a decent e-fund and own a home but that was our own personal preference/priorities. That is also the norm in our area where most people do not have children until their late 20's/early 30's. We feel like we will be able to enjoy our kids more not having to worry about finances (as much) or establishing our careers.

ajetter · May 2012

I really think it depends on you, your family, your husbands dynamic with your parents. Is he comfortable with the situation?

Every body has a different situation. My parents still help support us financially. My dad is very well off, and his phrase is always "I wish my current self could have lent my past self some money, so helping you makes me happy." sometimes I feel guilty that they help us, but at the same time they are perfectly happy helping, and I know we are not being a burden on them. Plus we know this is a temporary situation. When dh finally has a real job (he is a medical resident right now) we will be 100% on our own.

Basically what I'm trying to get at... Your schooling has a definitive end point, more or less. If your parents are happy/willing to help, and it isn't causing them financial difficulty, I say if you're ready go for it.

I hope that sort of made sense...

bakekiwi · May 2012

Ajetter it makes a lot of sense, I am in a similar situation. I know my parents like helping me out, and I know I'm not a burden on them. My H is comfortable when I feel comfortable, but I wouldn't want to do anything to derail my NP track. My mother was 39 when she had me (only child), and I am currently 26. H is 36, so I also have the numbers vacillating in my mind. Age vs. total independence.

vpine · May 2012

kleigh926:
I would not even consider TTC if I had to rely on my parents (or anyone else, for that matter) for anything. Having and raising a child is incredibly expensive. You better believe that if my parents were helping us out and I got pregnant on purpose, they'd be pissed.

I agree

MoonBeamLove · May 2012

Like previous posters said; it depends on the dynamics of the situation. If your parents started out with a deal of "we will pay for your loans" and they would pay them even if you offered to pay them. I would tuck that away as a gift from them to you, to help you get better situated financially.

It's fantastic that you guys are almost completely financially dependent, I know that feeling and it is a wonderful feeling! And it is a very personal choice for you two to make, but if you both feel that you will be able to keep being financially stable and on your own, I would just look at how that paying back of loan is worked and go from there.

GL!

Biitchplease · May 2012

Was that the plan all along for your parents to pay for your graduate school? I have a lot of friends whose parents paid their way through school. If that is the case then I see know reason why you should have to wait. Now if they are paying for it because initially you took out the loan but can't afford it and your parents are helping you out with that expense then yes you should either wait until you can afford to pay it of or take over payments and if you can still live comfortably w/ that payment in addition to any other things you need to pay monthly then go for it. There will never be the perfect time, there will never be the perfect amount of money, you just make it work. And for what it is wort if my parents offered to pay for my college education and were still paying it off while I was married and having a baby that is their financial responsibility that they took on and I see nothing wrong with moving forward with your plans. I hope to one day pay for our children's college education and if I am still paying well past them being done with college, so be it. It was my gift to them and I am not going to suddenly say oh hey you are an adult now take over payments for me will you? If it is a gift I chose to do so it is my responsibility to handl the financials of that. Of course I have no idea what your situation is with this so what do I really know? But that is my wall of text 0.2 cents.

mrskitton · May 2012

I would never TTC if my parents paid for any of our expenses. Period.

notkateanymore · May 2012

First off, if your parents are paying for school because they want to, I have no issue with that. But, why do you want to start a family while you're still in school? It's hard enough having a baby and it's hard being in schooll...why do both at the same time if you don't have to?

beth9409 · May 2012

The real question is if you can afford to support a baby or not. Diapers, baby food, clothes all cost money. I have looked at a few calculators online to determine if DH and I should wait until I find a job to continue TTC. If you are working and have to pay for daycare, you might need an extra $1,000 a month to be able to support a kid. Without daycare it is probably more like $300-400. These are just estimates from a website.

Others that have kids might be able to give you a better idea of the extra cost supporting a child might be. If you can't find the money in your budget, then you need to wait.

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Financially stable/independant.

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