Advice! How did you know you were ready?

ClickerishReturns · May 2012

I had a post, then I thought, no, what I really want is...just answers across the board on how did you know you were ready. Was it planned? Unplanned (as much as an LGBT pregnancy can be obviously)?

leapgirl8 · May 2012

We had a post on this topic fairly recently, but unfortunately I can't find it.

We're not ready. We've had a lot of fun with just the two of us to think about. But we've had a good long run (12 years together, almost 8 years married), and biologically we were getting into a riskier and riskier time. Plus, my parents are still youngish and healthyish, and they're going to be awesome grandparents

2brides · May 2012

I wanted to finish grad school and get a job before starting (for financial reasons - and given we had twins, thank goodness I did!) But once that happened, we were ready to start.

I do wish that DP would have finished her PhD before we started trying, but sie la vie. And I do wish that we could have had a few years of no school/no tuition/lots of travel time, but given DP's age (she is 12+ years older than I am) we felt like we needed to get rolling.

ETA: We'd been together 3.5y when we started (married a year) - but by the time the boys were born (took 19m) we'd been together nearly 6y.

ctbride08 · May 2012

We just were. We've been dating since high school so we had already had a chance to travel and enjoy coupledom. We were both finished with school and settled into careers. We owned a home too big for just 2 people. It was just kind of that next step in our life plan and we were ready for it.

Kershnic · May 2012

I doubt we'd ever really feel completely ready, but just about a year ago we decided to start trying and have pretty much been trying since. We finally got our relationship to the point of being engaged, took a year to plan a wedding for fall 2010, and then waited through our delayed honeymoon in summer 2011. We also waited until a point when financially it felt there was some possible way it could work. There are still a lot of questions about how it will really come together and some things that seem impossible, but we're no longer living on loans or uncertain what next month will bring.

I still intend to go back to school someday soon, and DW likely will at some point also. It will be hard, but I'm not willing to wait and wait and wait to get this all sorted out and finished. Of course I think my biological clock started making noise back when I was in high school, so 10+ years later I just want a baby.

LV1979 · May 2012

Our biological clocks are screaming. DW is well established in her career and finishing her second Master's in May of 2013. I just finished undergrad and will have my Master's in May of 2014. We are choosing babies before buying a house because our mid 30's are coming fast and furious. We are both at our healthiest and really feel that the only thing missing in our lives at this point is a baby.

tdmklm · May 2012

themommymonster:
I don't think you can every be 100% ready. There could always be a better job, more money, bigger house, etc.

This.

FlemFam718 · May 2012

We definitely don't feel ready, but I know that we will be great parents. We've been together for 12 years, married for 3, will be 30/33 when the baby is born, and in good places career-wise. We still are drowning in school loans and don't own a house, but the only advice my mom gave about when to start a family was "you never have enough money. You never feel old enough. Just don't let the experience pass you by." so, we're on our way!

hanncanna · May 2012

We've been together for 16 happy years and we're both 36. Our relationship is so peaceful and good and easy. And frankly, we wanted to throw a bomb into the middle of it because that was the only way we'd continue to grow as people and partners. Babies are the best "bombs!" We are expecting twin boys to arrive in August, and every step of the way during our quest to get pregnant and bring these boys into the world has brought us so much closer together. So far, our crazy plan has worked very well!

nevr2amazin · May 2012

I think C and I had separate ways of knowing. When my oldest daughter became a teenager I knew for sure that I wanted another child. I had planned to wait for her to graduate from high school and then foster a child. My oldest daughter is what I called an "only-child child" that is why the wait. Well, I met C when my daughter was in tenth grade and both of us knew we wanted children. I knew we were ready to have children right after we got married. One reason was that I wasn't getting any younger, but two, is that C and I had/have so much love to give and I could really feel it deep inside my heart.

jeannkerricotober09 · May 2012

We wanted to be married and own our own home. It isn't necessary, but is was for us. We bought our home July 2009, were married October 9th, 2009, and started trying November 2009. We conceived January 2011. I went into labor on our 3th wedding anniversary and gave birth on October 10, 2012.

Jazibel · May 2012

It's a tough question to answer, I guess it really depends on whether there is something you want to do as a couple that you would "regret" if you weren't able to atleast try. We love travelling and took advantage of our younger years to just travel, and enjoy life together, while trying to build a little more stability. That said we've been together for 13 years, married for 7. We are in grad school now (my second MA) and both work full time, but even still we're just going to make it work (I hope -we'll see :-) I don't know if there is a perfect time to start trying, but I do think that it is perfect when it happens (we tried a few times 2008/2009 and again 2011 - so the whole TTC process was less than predictable for us). By 2011 I was nearing my mid-thirties and felt more pressure to get serious about trying again.

Whatever you both decide good luck!!!

hlke · May 2012

Like others said, I know I'm never going to feel 100% ready. But I love kids, I want my own, and being with C makes me so excited to have kids together. We've been together for 2.5 years and married 7 months, which is relatively "short", but C's in her mid-30s and I have potential fertility issues, so we wanted to make it happen sooner rather than later.

That said, we're at a point where we both have full time jobs, and that was the big deciding factor, since we met when we were both students. We also wanted to be married first.

ball.and.chain · May 2012

I was in grad school and working full time when we got married, so we waited until I was finished. Then I wanted to lose weight so I could have a healthier pregnancy -- and that took two years. By that point we'd been emotionally ready for a few years and were excited to just have everything ready to go -- but we also didn't want to wait any longer because I was 33. I don't know that we'll ever feel completely "ready" though -- including after a baby arrives!

ClickerishReturns · May 2012

Thank you all so much for the responses! I have honestly started to feel that if we wait until our lives are supposedly "perfect" for having a baby it won't happen given our career trajectories and the long period of instability it implies.

I know I'm also being influenced by having lost a child (with a different person) before and feeling like maybe if I don't do it right I'm going to mess it up. At least I'm not alone in feeling like I'm not ready!

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