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May 2012 Moms
aldavis78
member
DH/SO plans during Labor? (Slight rant)
aldavis78
member
Hey Ladies! I was curious about the plans of your SO during your labor at home.
My DH's work is not supportive of us having a LO and have voiced their opinions many times. Just yesterday I was having BH but was unsure if they were real or not so my DH called work early and used a vacation day to be with me. Today he is getting a ton of crap for wanting to be home with me while I'm laboring. One boss actually said, "She can get herself to the hospital." Are you kidding me? (He's a father of 3 so I thought he'd be more understanding).
We're FTP and so we really don't know what to expect. Truthfully, I don't want to be home going through contractions all by myself until it's time to go to the hospital. But his job is making it seem like we are being unreasonable by wanting to be together through the whole process.
I think that my DHs interest and participation should be commemorated but all the men at work are putting him down for it.
So, anyway, I was wondering what everyone else's SO was planning on doing during their L&D and whether your plans are different from your first LO.
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Re: DH/SO plans during Labor? (Slight rant)
I pretty much have a calendar of days when my DHs job will give him to me and days that I can go to hell and deliver the baby on my living room floor. Honestly I know I can get myself to the hospital even if it involves driving myself (its pretty close by) calling a friend (who are usually pretty busy) or if all else fails taking a cab. My only dilemma is I have a 4 year old son. If I have noone to watch my son then they will be giving me my husband or they will be getting chewed out by a woman in labor, and then giving him to me.
The first time I had a baby I lived by my mom and a ton of friends and had no worries.
My H won't stay home from work while I labour at home. He runs his own store so him not being there = him not making money. If he's still at work when I'm ready to go to the hospital, he'll come home and we'll go (he's only 10 minutes away from home). Then he'll be with me with the entire time I'm labouring in the hopsital and during the hospital stay after baby comes.
To be completely honest, if he's gone to work for the day and I start having contractions, I might not even tell him about them right away. He's very nervous about the whole thing and I think he would come/stay home and pester me into going to the hospital too early. Him being at work will be the best thing for both of our sanities. Lol.
WHAT?! That is utterly ridiculous of them. I'm not sure what he does, but seriously that is not cool.
My husband's work told him "Dude, when your wife calls, don't worry about a THING. You just leave." And granted we live >1 mile from his work, and >1 mile from the hospital. He works in production at a television station and has a role in putting the morning news on for 4 hours straight. They said "You just leave, we can manage this without you." He has also already cleared it to take approximately 2 weeks off, beginning when I go into labor. It's really great that they've approved him this time off, not knowing exactly when it will begin.
PS. They also schooled him on the importance of a "push present", which I could have lived without, but I am now happy to learn he's got something special planned! LOL I need to write a thank you note to these coworkers of his!
I really hope something changes, and someone talks some sense into your husband's boss & coworkers. I wish you luck!
ETA: Like a previous poster, I don't plan on informing my husband if I'm for sure going into labor while he's gone. At least during the hours they are on live on the air. I'm assuming labor will take hours & hours, so I don't see the big deal in waiting until my contractions are closer. If I am obviously in labor when it's time for him to leave for work (2:30am) I might have him stay home, but after 8am, it's not a big deal to call him home from work early. I also don't plan on going to the hospital till I'm 3-1-1. At least... that's the plan!
What state do you live in? And what type of work does your husband do? In my opinion, the way his company is treating him during what should be the most joyous time of his life is just atrocious! Besides, aren't their Paternity rights and benefits that entitle your husband to some time-off when you give birth?
As for us, my DH is going to work everyday as usual and I'm already PDD. We both work on commission so lost work = lost income. In fact, I just stopped working 2 days ago on my due date. When I call him he will leave and come drive me to the hospital. He then plans on taking a few days off TBD once the baby comes. But his work is 100% supportive & tells him to take as much time as needed. Guess he's lucky
My husband's work is griping about him wanting to be with me during early labor and such as well. Since he's using vacation time and has already trained the temp that will take over for him while he's gone, he's basically telling them (nicely) to shove it, he's going and that's that.
Like others, if I go into labor during the day, I'll probably call him to let him know, but tell him to stay at work until they actually get to a point where I want him around. FTM, but I've heard that early labor isn't so bad, and also I don't want to drag him home if it's false labor.
Wow, I would be livid!
We're FTP too. My DH is a self-employed corporate pilot, and his schedule keeps getting crazier the closer we get to the due date. At this point, we're just hoping he's home when LO decides to make her entrance! Right now he's supposed to be in Canada 3 days before the due date, and in New Jersey for a 3 day trip a week after the due date. Luckily we live close to many of my family members so I won't be alone, but I still want him to be here! He keeps saying how pissed he's going to be if he misses the birth. Just keep crossing my fingers everything will work out!
so sorry you have to deal with that with them!!!
I am so thankful my H works for his mom and dad, and this is their first grandchild... so they are more than understanding when H will need to leave work...
Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, that is ridiculous. You are having a BABY its not like you're asking DH to be home to hang pictures on the walls. My DH is self-employed, and (thankfully) has a very understanding business partner who will cover for him once we know that things are really happening. We got lucky with our first, I went into labor at 3a.m. on a Friday morning and had her that day, so he just took that day off plus the next week (he was working for another company then).
FWIW, I can tell you that BH (at least for me) were VERY different than real contractions. BH just made my whole belly feel rock hard and it looked almost pointy toward the end. When my labor started, I had very strong period like cramps that wrapped around from my back to my front that were accompanied by some bright bleeding so I knew for sure things were happening. Hope that helps... and best of luck getting DH's boss to pull his head out!!
DH works for an American subsidary of a Japanese company. He works from home when not traveling for work. He is not traveling after the 14th until the baby comes. Depending on work and when she comes, he could be traveling again within a week of her coming. Since he works from home, he'll be around when I go into labor hopefully but he'll probably still be checking emails and taking calls until labor is well under way.
Last time my water broke at 2pm right before a doctor's appointment, so I drove home got stuff together and we went to the hospital. DH did make some work phone calls from the hospital that evening and he made some after DS was born the next day. I tease him about working at the hospital but that's really the culture of his company. The president of the american division was actually traveling when his kid was born. We're lucky his immediate boss is willing to work with him on no traveling for about a month.
I'm pretty lucky, DH's bosses are super laid back. He would just have to call and say what is going on and he won't be in the next two weeks. If he's at work when I go into labour I'm going to try and labour by myself if possible while he's at work. But thankfully it wouldn't be an issue if i called him and he had to come home from work.
Wow I would be really unimpressed. My DH has an awesome job, he already had to fly home early from a conference in another country because something came up on an ultrasound and I needed him here - his whole office was very supportive. He currently comes to 2 doctor appointments a week which hasn't been a problem.
When I go into labour the plan is that he will go into work or stay there and tidy up any last minute details so that he can be gone for a week or so without worrying too much and then he will come home and help coach/distract me through labour.
Thank you sooooo much for letting me know what your thoughts are!
I've decided that I'm not going to call him right away if I start having contractions but I'll wait until I have little doubt that LO is going to arrive soon. That way he's not pestering me and I won't be calling in a false alarm.
His work will have to get over it when it does begin happening!
Good luck to everyone and THANK YOU again! It's really amazing having all of you to ask!
If I start labor while he's at work, I will probably let him know but tell him to no rush home. He works about 20 minutes from home and we are just under an hour from the hospital. We are first time parents and I'm guessing I will be laboring a long time anyway.
More importantly, I will call my inlaws to pick up our dog in the meantime as he will be staying there until we return from the hospital.
DH is a professor, so he's already done for the semester. He's home now for most of the summer. He still has meetings, one summer class, and a few conferences, but DH will be here my entire L&D experience.
My mom will be here tomorrow so she can watch the dogs...
Oh hun...I am so sorry, that stinks! We are so lucky in that my husband's company is super supportive of family life in general. They don't do sick days, so if anyone of us is sick (my husband or me or our daughter) he can take the day without using anything. Similarly, if I'm having issues with the pregnancy (like, uh, going into labor
) he could stay home with me. They really are super family-friendly. The individual bosses also "give" time off when you or your spouse has a baby, the amount of time is just up to them. So DH's boss is giving him the days we're in the hospital (probably 3 total), then he'll take a week of vacation time. He can bring his laptop home though and work from home too if he needs to.
So...because they are so generous (and since I'm 39+ weeks), as soon as I start having painful contractions I'll have him come home (I should add that he works 45 minutes away and the hospital is another 45 minutes away...ugh). I've been having tons of painless tightening type contractions last night and today, but nothing that feels like labor yet.
Im sorry they're giving him a hard time about it, but you are so within your right to want him home with you during early labor! I would ignore what they say and they're lack of support and do what he's able to legally (as far as days off go).
Wow, that is awful. I would encourage him to find a different job because it will be an ongoing problem. Men have legal rights to leave for family bonding.
My DH is taking a whole month off this time and I am so looking forward to it. Yes, he will still be answering calls/emails and going to a few meetings since he is in management and is a bit of a workaholic, but he is also a big family man and his employers know that if they want to keep him happy that they will give him the freedom and flexibility to be here with us. I am very excited.
9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU
Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w
as for us, part of my dh's union contract includes a day off when I'm admitted to the hospital and a day off when I go home. His boss told him just to take sick days instead - in case I have a long labour or complications (dh has like 90 sick days accumulated). He'll probably go that route as contractually his boss (and his boss) are not allowed to ask him why he missed the time - it'll just be a coincidence LO is born while dh was "sick" for 3 or 4 days.
like some pp's though I probably won't call dh at work unless things seem eminent. He'll just be a bit of a panicky bother during early labour wanting to rush me asap to the hospital.
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