- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Natural Birth
How do I get my Mother's negativity out of my head?
(Sorry this is so long)
I almost made it to the end, without mentioning our plans for a med-free, water birth to any of our family members or anyone else we felt may not be supportive.
Well, yesterday, my mom calls me just after I had laid down for a nap and I was really tired. I'd had my appt earlier that day, so I started to tell her how things were going. Without even thinking, I tell her how my "Dr" (midwife, but I always use the term Dr with her) is concerned I'm not getting enough rest and that I need to start taking naps. She wants to make sure I continue to be low risk, so I can have the water birth we're planning on.
My mom makes the immediate connection of water birth = no pain meds and promptly starts to tell me how I can't do it. She believes I won't be able to get through labor w/out pain meds and then asks if my DH is on board w/ this. I told her he's 100% on board, as is my "Dr", and reminded her that we had also hired a Doula. She tells me DH is on board because he doesn't have to go through the pain and I tell her that has nothing to do with it.
She continues to be negative and condescending and even comments about how she may start up a betting poll with her friends on whether or not I actually go med-free. I told her, if she did something like that, I didn't want to know about it. By this time, I think she could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk with her anymore, so we said goodbye and hung up.
I tried to settle back down, so I could take my nap, but she upset me so much that I just got up instead. My DH was making dinner and when I told him about my mom's call, I started crying (I'm tearing up right now, in fact). He tried to reassure me, but I can't seem to get her doubts and negativity out of my head. It's really making me upset. Especially, since I'm now questioning whether or not I can actually carry through with my plans.
Someone PLEASE help me get back to the calm, confidant state I was in before I stupidly (and sleepily) mentioned our plans.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do I get my Mother's negativity out of my head?
Ugh. I'm so sorry she managed to get into your head like that. This is precisely why I've avoided my MIL like a plague thus far during my pregnancy. DH takes the brunt of all of her comments and keeps them to himself, but if I think about it, I can hear her cackling in my head at the idea that I'm going med-free and natural at home.
Use it to your advantage! Find a way to reframe it into something that renews your strength and resolve to have your desired birth experience.
Based on those comments, I'd say she's coming from a place of jealousy. It's not like she said she was against your decision because she's concerned for you and your baby's safety... she just plain doesn't think you can handle it because she doesn't think SHE can handle it. She likely doesn't want you to have a great experience because that would mean that she possibly missed out on having one when she had her chance.
That betting poll comment was just low... and disgusting. I'm really sorry.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
"Mom, put me down for $50 that I will go med free"
Use her negativity as inspiration.
How annoying and frustrating for you! I really liked what PP Starbuck had to say.
My advice is to read some of the great birth stories in Ina May's guide to childbirth. That always worked for me to "cleanse the palate" and get any unwanted negative vibes out of my mind. You can do it!
While you're at it, put me in for 50$ med free too.
I really can't stand negative comments like this. I do well in brushing them off at the moment, but later I will fume. I have no advice on how to handle this except to tell your mom,
"You made your choices, this is my choice with my family. Respect that or keep your comments to yourself because we don't care to hear them."
Ditto x2. Whenever someone tells me I CAN'T do something, I get really hardheaded and do it just to spite them. My mom is one of my best friends, but she's opposed to me having a natural birth, even tho she was with me when I did it the first time. I told my mom if she wanted to be there, she'd have to support me, because I could do it just fine with my BFF and sister.
I know this is a late comment, but I hope it helps.
Everyone is different and has different strength. When my mom was having me, her OB (my godmother) told her to let them know if she felt pressure in her eyes while pushing. My mom did not even bother trying, just said she had pressure in her eyes, so my godmother basically manually squeezed me out.
I refused any main management with pitocin and pushed DS out despite tearing.
Unfortunately I can relate to constant filtering to avoid unwanted comments/conversations from my mom, but at the end of the day you need to do what you know is the right choice for you and your family.
You will do great!
I know exactly how you feel! My mom was not happy when I told her that I was pregnant ( I am a FTM too). I am married and 28 years old, yet because I am not a Veterinarian and it's been hard to go to vet school seeing that my husband is a Marine (we move quite a bit) she feels that I shouldn't have gotten pregnant. My pregnancy was planned since we still have 3 years left at our current squadron and I felt that this was the time to get pregnant. She even went so far as to tell me that I was never going to get to sleep again for the rest of my life and that having children is a waste of my life and said that she didn't want to have kids herself. Granted she was not a good mother at all, she never taught me how to do things or what was right from wrong.... I had to do that myself. Funny thing is had she not been such a terrible mom I would not have moved out so soon and worked full time to support myself.... I could have already graduated from Vet school. Now I don't even mention anything about my pregnancy to her after she yelled at me because my midwife said that my baby was a big baby. After that I have not mentioned anything to her, she never calls me (She lives in Cali and I live in Virginia), so a month will go by without her calling me, and when I do call to see how she's doing she doesn't even listen to me and gets off the phone within minutes. It makes me sad to think that this is one of the biggest most momentous times in my life as well as yours and our moms are being dicks to us. Makes me resent her which I know isn't good but I can't help it. My mother gave birth naturally and she said that I better do that too or it will be another disappointment that I've given her. I have always planned on going natural even before she made that stupid comment to me. My mother in law is nice but she has been on my last nerve lately and said that she didn't think that I could go natural and laughed and said we will see....
Screw your mom and mine and whoever tells you that you can't do it. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. It will be very hard at times and I'm sure that we both will reach a breaking point and want the juice...... when you start feeling that way remember that your mom was placing and taking bets on you failing and that will give you the strength to resist the juice. I wish you the best of luck with your crazy ass mom, and just remember that you can do this..... it won't be easy but proving your mother wrong will be the best feeling ever.