Baby fever, but not ready to TTC

lulu8109 · May 2012

Anyone else with me? What's your reaction when you find out someone is pregnant? When do you plan on TTC or are you done?

It seems like so many people on this board and IRL are expecting. My first reaction is always excitement and a little envy, but then I remember that I'm so NOT ready for another baby. I miss when DS was teeny tiny, but then I remember how hard the newborn phase was. And that was with only one kid. Next time it would be balancing a toddler and an infant.

DH and I are very set on waiting until DS turns 2. I don't think we are mentally ready for baby #2 yet. We want DS to be a little more independent before adding a baby to the mix. We definitely aren't financially ready for that second daycare payment, haha.

jarebearsmom · May 2012

I'm so torn on this. Ideally, we want to TTC in the fall But anytime I see newborn pics, hear someone is KU, or look back at J's things from a year ago, I get a longing for a newborn. But I have to remind myself that the newborn phase doesn't last long enough for that to be the only reason to have one.

With that being said.... Sometimes I look at J and wonder if I even want another child. My ideal family was always 1 boy, 2 years later 1 girl. But I am so close to J that I can't imagine sharing my love with another child. I would walk through fire for him and I want him to have every opportunity in life and I'm scared that by having another baby that it will take attention away from him and he won't feel as much love as he does now (silly right?) So, I can't even think about TTC until I get over these feelings. I haven't told DH about it because I could change my mind tomorrow and be ready to TTC come August but I don't want him to be second guessing the decision to TTC and think I'm not ready.

JoJoMama730 · May 2012

Yep, I'm with you. My first reaction is excitement and envy too. I'm o-l-d, and DH is even older, so we need to get on with #2 asap if we're going to do it. He's still "thinking about it" so I think the answer is "no way in h#ll" but he isn't ready to say it yet. That makes me so sad.

lulu8109 · May 2012

jarebearsmom:
I'm so torn on this. Ideally, we want to TTC in the fall But anytime I see newborn pics, hear someone is KU, or look back at J's things from a year ago, I get a longing for a newborn. But I have to remind myself that the newborn phase doesn't last long enough for that to be the only reason to have one.
With that being said.... Sometimes I look at J and wonder if I even want another child. My ideal family was always 1 boy, 2 years later 1 girl. But I am so close to J that I can't imagine sharing my love with another child. I would walk through fire for him and I want him to have every opportunity in life and I'm scared that by having another baby that it will take attention away from him and he won't feel as much love as he does now (silly right?) So, I can't even think about TTC until I get over these feelings. I haven't told DH about it because I could change my mind tomorrow and be ready to TTC come August but I don't want him to be second guessing the decision to TTC and think I'm not ready.

Oh, I know what you mean, jarebear! For awhile, I didn't know if we'd try for another. But DH and I really want DS to grow up with a sibling, like we both did. Hopefully you can resolve those feelings soon

PGASTL · May 2012

We decided recently to "pull the goalie" even though it may not be an ideal/ perfect time for us to TTC. (My job is probably going to be cut soon).

The decision for me came down to not wanting work to dictate our family planning. It could take me 6 months to find a job and we definitely don't want to wait that long to start TTC. You have to remember that a perfectly healthy couple has a 65% chance of getting pregnant within six months of trying - not everyone gets KU overnight! (though the girls on this board seem too, lol).

We also may want 3 kids total and I want to be done by the time I'm 35 due to the increased risk of birth defects (I know plenty of people have wonderfully healthy kids after 35 - this is just my personal feeling).

I have also had some really short cycles lately and I am concerned about being able to get KU again and don't want to delay the process just in case.

Also, I don't think there's ever a great time to add another newborn to the mix - it's going to be really tough at any stage!

kat81again2 · May 2012

We are going to start trying in the fall, shortly before DS's second birthday. Like you, I really did not like the newborn time. I don't even really miss DS being small...I sort of do, but he was much less interesting then as well! And those first 3 months are SO unpleasant. I took it in stride at the time but looking back I do not miss it! Same with much of pregnancy. At the time I rallied through random difficulties and found the whole process sort of fun and interesting, but looking back I think, "how did I get through that with a smile on my face? It sucked!"

We'd maybe consider TTC sooner, but my new job has a great leave policy that starts 1 yr in, so I don't want to mess with that (i.e. I want to get good leave!) But we want the kids to be pretty close in age, which is why I would not wait longer. If I didn't care about the age gap and I didn't feel like I had my own body clock to worry about, I would consider waiting until DS was nearly in kindergarten to try again! But I am 30 and we might want 3 kids, so I don't want to have 5 yr gaps between each of them...!

kat81again2 · May 2012

jarebearsmom:
I'm so torn on this. Ideally, we want to TTC in the fall But anytime I see newborn pics, hear someone is KU, or look back at J's things from a year ago, I get a longing for a newborn. But I have to remind myself that the newborn phase doesn't last long enough for that to be the only reason to have one.
With that being said.... Sometimes I look at J and wonder if I even want another child. My ideal family was always 1 boy, 2 years later 1 girl. But I am so close to J that I can't imagine sharing my love with another child. I would walk through fire for him and I want him to have every opportunity in life and I'm scared that by having another baby that it will take attention away from him and he won't feel as much love as he does now (silly right?) So, I can't even think about TTC until I get over these feelings. I haven't told DH about it because I could change my mind tomorrow and be ready to TTC come August but I don't want him to be second guessing the decision to TTC and think I'm not ready.

haha, OMG, you actually want another one BECAUSE of the newborn phase? Every time I see another newborn I'm like, "ugh, so glad we're done with that!" haha. I wish the kid could come out 3-4 mo old knowing how to nurse well, hold his/her head up, and STTN (or at least 4+ hrs at a time).

As for the rest of your post, I totally agree about the "sharing the love" thing. I KNOW we want a sibling (or two) for DS and I was the youngest myself so I always had to "share" my parents and never had any problems from that...but I totally know what you mean! I want to just give all of my attention to DS! Also, given how long it takes for me to warm up to newborns, I could see myself loving DS a lot more than his younger sibling for a good few months...which is already weird...but then combine that with the fact that DS will be jealous of the new LO and will think I love him less it will be even harder. I hope that by the time we have a 2nd, DS will be more independent and not so clingy. He is very sweet but SO freaking attached to me right now. He would NOT be happy if I were pregnant right now.

LilyRose28 · May 2012

Yeah, I feel the same. I think I just want to be pregnant and going through that excitement but not ready for the newborn, though. We probably won't try for at least another year or two. I would like 3-3.5 years between but it may be more like 4-4.5 at the rate things are going. I think it will be good to have DS in preschool when the next one comes so he still has his routine, social interaction, etc, and I can just have some one-on-one with the baby a few hours a week.

lrn327 · May 2012

lulu8109:
Anyone else with me? What's your reaction when you find out someone is pregnant? When do you plan on TTC or are you done?
It seems like so many people on this board and IRL are expecting. My first reaction is always excitement and a little envy, but then I remember that I'm so NOT ready for another baby. I miss when DS was teeny tiny, but then I remember how hard the newborn phase was. And that was with only one kid. Next time it would be balancing a toddler and an infant.
DH and I are very set on waiting until DS turns 2. I don't think we are mentally ready for baby #2 yet. We want DS to be a little more independent before adding a baby to the mix. We definitely aren't financially ready for that second daycare payment, haha.

Your situation is exactly ours (all of your reasons about the newborn plus DC costs), but honestly, C will probably we our only kid. We love him to pieces and really enjoy spending time with him but really look forward to all of the things we can do in the future and don't really want to wait for another child to get older to be able to do that stuff too. Besides, our financial situation probably won't change too soon so I guess we're just comfortable and happy where we're at now!

jarebearsmom · May 2012

lulu- I grew up with a sister and DH had 2 older siblings but they were out of the house by the time he was born so he was basically an only child. I definitely want J to have a sibling (I use to be dead set on boy and girl but I love having a boy so much I kinda want J to have a brother, but I also want a little girl lol) and I want them to be close in age but I just don't see how I can share me with another baby lol. I just need to get my cr@p straight

kat81again2:
haha, OMG, you actually want another one BECAUSE of the newborn phase? Every time I see another newborn I'm like, "ugh, so glad we're done with that!" haha. I wish the kid could come out 3-4 mo old knowing how to nurse well, hold his/her head up, and STTN (or at least 4+ hrs at a time).
As for the rest of your post, I totally agree about the "sharing the love" thing. I KNOW we want a sibling (or two) for DS and I was the youngest myself so I always had to "share" my parents and never had any problems from that...but I totally know what you mean! I want to just give all of my attention to DS! Also, given how long it takes for me to warm up to newborns, I could see myself loving DS a lot more than his younger sibling for a good few months...which is already weird...but then combine that with the fact that DS will be jealous of the new LO and will think I love him less it will be even harder. I hope that by the time we have a 2nd, DS will be more independent and not so clingy. He is very sweet but SO freaking attached to me right now. He would NOT be happy if I were pregnant right now.

J was SUCH a good newborn! He was the only baby (out of 8) in the nursery that latched straight on and ate 15-30 minutes every 2 hours and latched on both sides. He was pretty much STTN around 2 or 3 months old. He never got sick until I put him in DC this year. He was so cuddly and never cried unless he was ready to eat. And I LOVED being pregnant. Despite the retro verted ute and back labor it was pretty much a breeze and I miss feeling and seeing him kick me. I know I'm weird lol.

J is kind of clingy right now but he is starting to turn into a daddy's boy Indifferent so I don't know that he would really have a problem sharing me. DH wants J to be a little more mature and independent but 9 months is a good amount of time to get adjusted and prepared for a NB

desertlady86 · May 2012

I have MAJOR baby fever. I had it really bad anyway but my BFF texted me the other day and told me that is is pregnant. She is the one that had her daughter the day before H. This is the month we were really planning on TTC so I hope it happens, our LOs would only be a couple weeks apart if I do get KU!

Cheekers2010 · May 2012

Yeah, I have major baby fever. I was looking at G's little baby videos the other day and crying. Lol. Oy!

I definitely feel excited and a little envious when I hear about bfps. I wanted to start ttc around now but unfortunately I haven't seen any improvement in my various health issues. I'm shooting for August now.

Also I think in an ideal work I would wait until g was 3-4 before ttc another, but I am OLD and I can't wait. I wish I wasn't having to wait as long as I am. I never ever wanted to be this old and having another baby. I can't regret living my life as I have and my surprise bfp with G came at the perfect time for me. I always thought if we had kids, though, that I would be one and done. I literally never imagined I'd want another. Life is so,weird, yo!

jillybean800 · May 2012

I'm pretty sure my uterus was peer pressured by the BFP's on this board. I always thought I wanted kids further apart, but then I also became convinced that I wanted to get pregnant this time without thinking about it. (last time was so high stress). So we started to just do pull and pray and I was kinda thinking ok, maybe doing it this way, I'll accidentally get pregnant sometime in the next year!

Or you know, the second time we did it like that.

I worry about a lot of the same things that you guys do: not having enough time with Alexander, a baby and a toddler spelling disaster, etc. But I guess I gotta suck it up because this baby is happening!

--halo-- · May 2012

I get serious pangs of jealousy when I see BFPs on this board and from people IRL. I have had baby fever for several months now.

But as emotionally ready as I am, I am completely unprepared mentally. I had a very very very tough time for the first 6 months or so of Jack's life. He cried all the time, we have had BF struggles all along, and he is still a very 'high maintenance' child. I really don't know if I can handle another one.

I also worry about giving another baby my time and attention. Jack craves my attention all the time, and I just imagine him having constant meltdowns if I had to give my attention to a newborn. I'm very intimidated.

ChicagoBroad26 · May 2012

kat81again2:
We are going to start trying in the fall, shortly before DS's second birthday. Like you, I really did not like the newborn time. I don't even really miss DS being small...I sort of do, but he was much less interesting then as well! And those first 3 months are SO unpleasant. I took it in stride at the time but looking back I do not miss it! Same with much of pregnancy. At the time I rallied through random difficulties and found the whole process sort of fun and interesting, but looking back I think, "how did I get through that with a smile on my face? It sucked!"
We'd maybe consider TTC sooner, but my new job has a great leave policy that starts 1 yr in, so I don't want to mess with that (i.e. I want to get good leave!) But we want the kids to be pretty close in age, which is why I would not wait longer. If I didn't care about the age gap and I didn't feel like I had my own body clock to worry about, I would consider waiting until DS was nearly in kindergarten to try again! But I am 30 and we might want 3 kids, so I don't want to have 5 yr gaps between each of them...!

Exactly this, but I didn't do it with a smile on my face (bless you Kat, you're a stronger woman than I). We are going to start TTC late this summer and while I DO want another one, I am not looking forward to the insanity of the first few months. Ava was a really difficult newborn (crying for 10-12 hours a day until she was eight weeks old) and I barely survived. But now I know what I have to look forward to- an engaging, smiling toddler whom I love with all my heart and I think that's going to make it easier to get through.

principessa81 · May 2012

I have hardcore baby fever, and honestly I really miss being pregnant. I loved every minute of it, even when I was very closely resembling the Pillsbury Doughboy in my third tri and actually had to roll off the couch (not my finest hour). That being said, DH and I agreed to wait until August to start TTC. We have two close friends who are getting married next year (one in August, one in September) and both weddings are out of state. I can't fly if I'm in my third tri, and since Tony is going to be the ring bearer in both weddings, we're kind of planning our second child around them! Smile

Make sense? It did in my mind...lol. So yeah, we'll have (most likely) a 3-month old at the first wedding. Oy. But, I'm 30 and we want at least 2 more kids, so I don't want to wait forever.

desertlady86 · May 2012

principessa81:
I have hardcore baby fever, and honestly I really miss being pregnant. I loved every minute of it, even when I was very closely resembling the Pillsbury Doughboy in my third tri and actually had to roll off the couch (not my finest hour). That being said, DH and I agreed to wait until August to start TTC. We have two close friends who are getting married next year (one in August, one in September) and both weddings are out of state. I can't fly if I'm in my third tri, and since Tony is going to be the ring bearer in both weddings, we're kind of planning our second child around them! Make sense? It did in my mind...lol. So yeah, we'll have (most likely) a 3-month old at the first wedding. Oy. But, I'm 30 and we want at least 2 more kids, so I don't want to wait forever.

I really miss being pregnant too!

missmuffin87 · May 2012

I totally have the fever, but I need to get married first. Everything else is falling into place. Got a great car, moving into a new apt., taking homebuyer classes and hopefully buying a home in the next couple years. But even if we have all those things I would feel trashy having a second baby before we get married. But I refuse to get married once I turn 30, so who knows at this rate we might be one and done.

danigirl7181 · May 2012

I have baby fever so bad, everyone around me is pregnant. Three girls from work just had baby's within the last two months and two more are ready to pop. Plus my two FSIL are pregnant, one is having her baby boy on the 10th. Yea, a new nephew.

I want to TTC now but we are waiting until September 15th to try. It is are wedding day. I'm going to 31 this summer and want two more kids by 35. I didn't have a difficult pregnancy (no moring sickness at all) but I was huge. I started showing at 10 weeks. I gained 40 lbs and it was all belly. By the end I was so uncomfortable, I don't miss that part. The newborn stage was okay. Lily latched right away and even had a bottle first in the NICU (she didn't care how she got her food) and only cried when hungery. But she ate every three hours around the clock til 6 months old. I'm not looking forward to that part. I hope the next one STTN a lot earlier, Lily just started about a month or two ago.

I can't wait for another LO, I love my little family but I just feel its not complete yet. I know that may sound weird, but I just know I want more kids. I want Lily to have siblings.

GrayGhost13 · May 2012

I think I'd be crazy not to be nervous adding a second baby to the household, but due to our ages and long-term career plans, we want to get through the baby/toddler phase as soon as possible.

We've been "trying" for almost 11 months now, and no luck, so I guess I'm glad we started trying as early as we did.

xxbabycakesxx · May 2012

I'm totally not mentally ready for #2 but here he comes anyways lol. And we wanted to sell and buy a house before even TTC but this lil guy was sort of a surprise. So, we definitely made things harder for ourselves but I'm sure everything will turn out fine... I hope =P

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