Not sure what the point of this is

Re: Not sure what the point of this is

• MarSamWhitney member

  May 2012

  My advice would be to take it day by day. Yes, you need to think of the grand scheme of things..but have an agenda each day, and try to push other thoughts away. You will make yourself crazy, otherwise.

  Will you ever trust your H again? If you think you can, than couseling is a wonderful option for both of you.  Did your H tell you why he did this?

  
  
  

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• Hudson_Hawk

  May 2012

  He claims it was an escape from the stress of day-to-day life. That he didn't share anything much with her about himself, but that it gave him someone to focus on. Like he would listen to her day and not think about his own? I don't know. Part of me thinks it's a line of BS, apparently his therapist thinks it's a result of trauma that causes him to act inappropriately and seek these escapes when he's stressed. We certainly didn't havea  *perfect* marriage after the birth of our son, actually the intimacy issues started when I was pregnant. But I never thought we had an unhappy marriage.

  

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• MarSamWhitney member

  May 2012

  Im sorry. That is really crappy!!  I remember being cheated on years ago, and I'm still bitter...so I am one to usually say GTFO! lol.  I understand now that it takes on a whole new dimension when kids are involved. 

  
  
  

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• NativeNyer

  May 2012

  Ugh. So sorry you're going through this.  You're better off without this douche.  Hold your head high - you're not damaged goods.  Keep going to counseling on your own - try to figure out what's best for you and your DS.  You deserve to be with a man that values you, and is faithful.  Good Luck.

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• fellesferie member

  May 2012

  When XH and I split, I was 26 with an 18-month old son. He'd been having an online/emotional affair, and the last straw was me finding out he was making plans to see her.

  Divorce is expensive. Moving is expensive. Being a single mom and rebuilding is expensive, it's hard, it's draining, and you have your good days and your bad days. But you find the strength, and one day you realize that you can do this because you are doing this. 

  For me personally, I really struggled with our separation and the time between leaving the home and filing for divorce. Once I filed, I felt an enormous sense of relief. I didn't realize how unhappy I was in my marriage until I was out of it. I didn't realize what a crappy husband and partner XH was until I had some space and some distance.

  There are good men out there. I've been married to my DH for almost 3 years, and our bad days are better than any time I spent with XH. 

  I'm so sorry for what you're going through. 

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• Annplus1 member

  May 2012

  lurker coming out- Remember that there were two people in your marriage dealing with the day to day struggles and stress of life and only one person chose to cheat. https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/ was a life saver for me.

   Good luck.

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• Hudson_Hawk

  May 2012

  Thanks Annplus, I'm on SI

  

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• Phantomgirl member

  May 2012

  My counsellor has a say.. 'in life you can get hurt or you can get harmed'.

  If you stay you will be bitter, resentful, suspicious and beat yourself up.  Remember you teach people how to treat you.  Don't teach this man that it is ok to cheat on you. Shutting up and putting up is harmful to you.  You know you deserve better so don't settle for less.

  If you leave you will be bitter, resentful, lonely and worried.  But you will have stood up for yourself and taught that cheating SOB that you are worth more.  It will hurt like a MFer for a while but with the support of your family and friends it will get better.  You will feel proud that you didn't settle.

  Life is tough and part of life is getting hurt.  Its ok to be hurt and emotional and scarred.  Lean on your family and friends and you will come out of this stronger than ever.  If you dont settle this time you never will going forward.

  Its the people who get harmed and continue to allow it to happen that struggle in life.

  Keep going to your counselling as you need a self esteem boost.

  As for how much this will cost - can you really put a price on sanity and self esteem??? 

  Best of luck and I am truly sorry you are going through this.

   

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• Hudson_Hawk

  May 2012

  Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your objective and constructive responses. I'm such a mess. I'm normally a very confident and strong-minded woman, but in this I'm just a mess. I have a session with my therapist tonight and I'm hoping I get some relief and am able to make some decisions following that.

  

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